Episode 11 Show Notes Awkward Conversations & Lemontree .
EPISODE 11NAVIGATING THE AWKWARDCONVERSATIONS, ANDNAILING YOUR WEDDINGSTATIONERY WITHLEMONTREE PAPER CO.
THE WEDDING DIGEST, BY WEDBOOKERNavigating the awkwardconversations, and nailing yourwedding stationery withLemontree Paper Co.Planning your nuptials is an exciting and enjoyable time but it also cancome with a few challenges, including having awkward conversations withfamily and friends! How do you tell your girlfriend she can’t bring her newpartner to your special day? Or explain to your mum you don’t want yoursecond cousins included in your limited guest list? Is it ok to ask your bridalparty to pay for their bridesmaid dresses? wedBooker Head WeddingPlanner Ally shares her top tips on navigating these tricky conversations.Lucy and Ally also catch up with stationery extraordinaire Betsy Weir! Theillustrator and founder of Lemontree Paper co reveals the tricks to bringingyour wedding stationery to life and setting the tone for your big day.Much love, The wedBooker team xo1
THE THREE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS1. THE GUEST LISTA: So inviting your family, extended family, mum's best friend and her kids.Where on earth do you stop?ALLY’S ANSWERIt is such a tricky one. And I think it's so different for everyone, but might justcome back to how close you are to your immediate family and your extendedfamily. It’s about person by person. And would you actually miss thatparticular person if they weren't at your day? So if you think about your wholewedding day, and you go, Oh, look, Uncle Bob, if he wasn't there, I would, Iwould definitely feel he's missing presence, then invite them, they'reessential. I would just go through person by person and really think about whoyou want there on your special day.And then maybe if you can't decide off that, think about your weddingphotos. Would you cherish a photo of you and that person? Or if that personwas in a group photo from your wedding day, and you're looking back on it in10 years time, would you be like, Oh, you know, I'm so glad that they werethere and how beautiful they look? I think it can help you decide if you thinkabout future you. And would future you want to see photos of them at yourwedding day? If the answer is yes. 100%. Make sure they're there.But what about if your mum or your dad are really saying no Uncle Bob needsto be there. Parents really quickly start to take over your guest list. It happensto so many couples. So something to consider is when accepting financial helpfrom anyone for your big day, have that conversation early with your parentsor whoever might add extra guests on, about who's coming, who's reallyimportant. Sit down with your parents and be really, really clear on who iscoming and who's not coming.2
B. Ca lling your guest list if you de cide d to go for a sm all/intimatewedding?What are your tips on how to do this without causing too much upset orbroken friendships?ALLY’S ANSWERAgain, it's not an easy one. Your friendship groups kind of work in circles. So ifyou invite that friend, who else do you have to invite because they sort of sitin that same circle. And that then gives you an idea of how far out you need togo, who you can invite without upsetting someone else. And still try to keep itwithin your desired capacity. And don't forget to sit down with yourimmediate family and be open with them on how big the day is.Engagement parties, kitchen teas, hens nights are those awesome secondaryevents that you can celebrate with your wider circles. There are absolutely norules to say you can't invite someone to any of those parties that isn't at yourwedding.LUCYHow do you go about having that conversation with that group?ALLY’S ANSWERLook, I actually did this myself. So I only had five girlfriends at my ownwedding because I only had 30 people at my wedding day because I did wantit to be really intimate. So I sent a text message out to my next circle ofgirlfriends. They're probably about 15 or 20 of them. I said, “Hey guys, we'rekeeping our wedding really small and really intimate. That doesn't mean that Idon't want to celebrate with you guys and I would love to have you guysinvolved in some way. So I would still love you to all come to my hens andengagement party. They all completely understood.C. Inviting your friend’s partnersALLY’S ANSWERIf it would mean by adding them that you would then not be able to invitesomeone that you're actually a little bit closer to that means something toyou, then just say no, your venue is going to have a capacity limit. So thevenue is always a really nice one to lean back on and say, “Oh, I'd love to, but Ijust can't make it work”.3
D. How do you let your besties know that although they aren'tpart of your bridal pa rty that you still love them. And it doesn'tmean you don't want them to be part of your day.ALLY’S ANSWERYou really don't want to let anyone down and you don't want to make anyonefeel like they aren't one of your closest friends. So it depends on how manypeople you want to have in your bridal party. And maybe that's going to bethe determining factor.If you have five best friends, and by cutting one of them out, you're going tobreak her heart or you know, break your heart, then don't do it. We've talkedabout it before, you don't have to have an even number of bridesmaids orgroomsmen. I think a bridal party is less about having that balance in thatsame number and more about having your absolute best friends up therewith you to celebrate your day. If it's not that easy for you then there are somany other roles that they can take on during the day. So you can say I wouldlove to have had you in my bridal tribe. But you know, my partner only wantsto have two people up there. I'd love to still have you a part of it. Can you do areading for me? Now that doesn't have to be a religious reading, if that's notyour jam. It can be something from a book or one of your favorite song lyrics.There are so many options in there as well. They could emcee for you. Sothere are so many other roles you can give them to still make them feel likethey're included.4
2. WHO PAYS FOR WHATIs it normal that the bride will pay for everything for her bridesmaids? Thedress, shoes, tan, makeup? And if you are wanting your bridesmaids to pitchin, is this something you then flag early before going in selecting that 500Bridesmaid Dress and then asking them to pay for it?ALLY’S ANSWERYou need to consider them as well in their financial positions. You don't wantthem to resent you for making them pay for the dress. So maybe that is whenyou say look, we'll go 50/50 or I'll pick it and I'll buy it for you because I wantthis extravagant dress. So I don't think there are any hard and fast rulesanymore.The clothes, makeup, e tc?Traditionally speaking if you are asking someone to be in your bridal tribe, youwould then be responsible for buying the dress, the shoes, the make up,paying for the spray tans, doing the nails, absolutely everything. So that's kindof where that ruling comes in. But now, the more modern Brides, you don'thave to feel like you are responsible for paying for everything. But if you aregoing to ask them to wear that 600 dress, I would definitely have thatconversation with them before you choose the dress and maybe say to them,I'm thinking of buying this amazing blue Zimmerman dress at 600, it's notreally in my budget to pay for the whole thing. But would you be happy to go50/50. let me know, don't feel pressured to do it and we can explore otheroptions.I don't think there is any shame now in asking your bridesmaids to chip in insome way. Other options including giving them a color framework and theycan go out and find a color and a dress that they like in that color. Andtherefore they're in control of their own budget, they're going to look betteron the day, they're going to be more comfortable, and they're going to be somuch happier to chip in on that dress because they can see themselveswearing it again.What about accommodation?If you have a destination wedding is that on the couple to cover the cost ofthe accommodation for the bridal party as well? If there is an expectation thatthey do stay the night before and even the night of the wedding?I think if you're the one asking them to come away, or if you're the one that'sbooked the destination wedding, then it is fair, in my opinion, that youbooked the accommodation for them and then it's up to you if you allow theirpartners to stay or how many nights you actually booked it for. I personallythink you can't say no to booking the accommodation as long as that fitswithin your budget.5
3. GIFTSDo we still do gift registries? Or is it all wishing wells now? Is it okay to expectgifts from everyone? Or is it rude to ask just for money?ALLY’S ANSWERThe short answer is, most people actually do want to give you something. So awishing well is always a really, really easy option. I think now, the modern daycouples are getting more used to doing a Wishing Well, it's nice and easy.People can then write you a beautiful card that you can keep forever in yourlittle wedding box and then people can just give what they can. It's not sort ofa set price on what goes into a wishing well, so it’s totally variable.If you are asking for gifts in the more old fashioned way where you're wantingactual physical gifts, then I think a gift registry is still a really good idea. Again,although it seems like it's something that we don't do much anymore. If youare doing real gifts, it just means that again, it's easier for your guests to knowwhat you need. And then you don't end up with things that you'll never use.And it just ends up being a waste.You can do a combination you can do a wishing well and a registry so peoplecan give whatever they like. I do think something to note here and it's reallyimportant. I always suggest it to couples: even if you're saying no gifts on yourinvitation and you strictly don't want any gifts, do be ready for some guests tostill bring cards with possibly some money in it for you. I absolutely alwayssuggest that you have a little wishing well hidden away in the corner. And justbe honest.6
INTERVIEW WITH ILLUSTRATOR BETSY OF LEMONTREE PAPER CO.THE WEDDING DIGESTWhere did your love of illustration begin? Because I've read that you're self taught is that right?BETSYThank you for having me, This is so exciting. I am self taught. Actually, my firstlove was actually ballet. I was a professional ballet dancer for about 12 years. Iended up retiring at only 24. So then I was sort of lost and I didn’t know whatto do with myself. I ended up meeting my husband, getting married, and I hadalways loved calligraphy. So that's kind of where I got stuck into the artsagain, and eventually started to kind of add illustration in with the calligraphywhich got me into stationery. My grandmother was an avid water colorist andso that was the medium I wanted to try and it's all sort of snowballed fromthere. So I started a business called Lemon Tree Calligraphy and Illustration.And then I think it was three years ago, I made the move to Lemon Tree PaperCo because I had really started doing stationary more exclusively for bigparties, a lot of destination events: 50th birthdays in Positano in Capri, or SanTropez.THE WEDDING DIGESTCan you talk us through that process of your bespoke hand crafted designs?BETSYSure. Most of them are bespoke, and I hand create all of them. We have whatwe call a semi custom range of stationary designs, where we add a couple'sdesired wording to already completed designs, and it offers a more budgetfriendly option for some couples who don't have the budget to spring for acustom design for their event. But otherwise, mostly What we create is toorder hand painted for individuals, businesses or event planners, really ourclients imagination is the limit. And we love it, when they come to us withthese great, crazy ideas we get to make figure out how to make it happen andbring it to life for them.THE WEDDING DIGESTYou know, one of the things that I love, personally about your designs aresome of the most incredible places all around the world featured on thedesigns. So are these places generally you've been to before on your travels?BETSYI have, I've travelled a bit, but not a ton, not to a lot of these very amazingplaces that people have been. So yeah, our clients actually provide us with themajority of the information about their event and where things are takingplace. They'll give us photos of venues and locations that they're having bitsand pieces of their events at and they'll also provide us with the general colorpalette. So that everything sort of coordinates with the style of their event,but we actually do a ton of research, we look at the culture, the lifestyle, thegeneral ethos of wherever their event is being held. So that we know whenwe sit down with a paintbrush, how to make it look accurate. I mean, we useGoogle Maps, Wikipedia, where you know, it's probably a few days of lookingthrough photos and you know, even the tiniest details are painted asaccurately as possible.7
THE WEDDING DIGESTWow, that is such a process. So let's talk about the importance of stationery atweddings. So stationery can start with invitations and it goes all the waythrough to the seating charts and play settings. And I think it truly can set atone for a wedding. So what are your tips in choosing the right stationery tofit in with the style or the theme of a wedding or an event?BETSYTypically, if clients have a wedding planner or a florist, putting us in touchwith them or providing us with their mood boards is really helpful becausethen we can sort of see the direction that the event is taking. We're also hugefans of Pinterest for inspiration. We will often create a board that we haveaccess to and the client does. And then we can both pin things that we thinkare good examples of the color blue that they love, or the color blush thatthey like, because those colors are different to everybody. When they sayblue. I have no idea what the thousands of blues they're talking about. Themore that they can provide us with in visual content, the better we can do ourjobs.THE WEDDING DIGESTYou say it’s best for couples to come to you after they have chosen yourgeneral style for the wedding.BETSYYes, most that's usually how things go. People usually already have someplans formed before they come to us. And that's actually really helpfulbecause then we can sort of take their design or take their sort of ideas andfly with them.THE WEDDING DIGESTWhat would you say are the most important assets that you do need for awedding?BETSYThere are often things from a stationary perspective that it's easy to forget asan engaged couple. There's so much other things going on in your mind. Oneof the coolest things about working with a couple from Save The Dates all theway through their invitations and their on the day stationery, which is menusand ceremony programs and even large seating charts. One of the beautifulthings that we can do for them is make it all very cohesive. That anytimeanybody receives anything that has to do with the wedding, you can tell fromthe moment you glance at it, what it's about because everything has acohesive theme and some sort of color palette. And we've had referrals fromclients who have come to us and said oh, I went to this, this other person'swedding and it was amazing because everything that we received coordinatedand it just makes it look so organized and so put together and like a reallyamazing event. So we really see stationery as one of those key pieces. Just asimportant as the cake, the stylist and the florist. We can take it from ordinaryto extraordinary and make it look like everything is together and in one piece.8
THE WEDDING DIGESTAs you mentioned, stationery can be a really powerful way to get your guestsexcited. So if a couple listening is really passionate about doing somethingspecial with their stationery, what would you suggest for them to consider?BETSYSure, a lot of our clients, our destination wedding clients, or even if you'vechosen a really special place in your hometown, one of the things thatstationery can really highlight is the location and incorporating a map or anillustration of the beautiful setting really gets people excited to either travelor to come and attend the wedding and be a part of the celebration. So we doa lot of hand illustrations of wedding venues. Last year, we did Rippon LeeEstate, which is a very famous home and property here in Melbourne. Andalthough maps are typically entire cities, we were able to just do a map of theestate and really highlight the house. We worked with the wedding plannerand they sent us photos of what they were going to do with the flowers andhow the setup on the lawn was going to be. And we actually created that inwatercolor on the map. If we have a destination wedding, we'll do a map of anentire city, and not just include the venue, but get people excited about whatthere is to see and do in that city. So that's part of what we research. That'swhy we ask couples to provide us with some of their favorite spots for acocktail, and some of their favorite spots for a coffee or for dinner. So theycan look at this map and go, Oh, wow, I so want to go there. Let's make thetrip. Let's go. The sky really is the limit. We are more than happy to produceanything that you could come up with.9
HAVE A QUESTIONFOR ALLY?Submit your wedding question via Instagram Direct Messageand Ally will answer it in next week’s episode.FOLLOW US TO STAY UP TO DATE ON OURLATEST TIPS@wedBooker@TheWeddingDigestREADY TO BOOK YOUR DREAMWEDDING TEAM?www.wedBooker.com10
Bridesmaid Dress and then asking them to pay for it? ALLY’S ANSWER You need to consider them as well in their financial positions. You don't want them to resent you for making them pay for the dress. So maybe that is when you say look, we'll go 50/50 or I'll pick it and I
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