Emotional Intelligence 2 - Lead With Grace

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Emotional Intelligence2.0(Bradberry & Greaves)Summaryhttps://gracelead.colast update13 Sep 2016

The Journey .1Big Picture .1Emotional Intelligence: The Four Skills .2Self-Awareness .2Self-Management . 2Social Awareness . 2Relationship Management .2Self-Awareness Strategies .21-Quit Treating Your Feelings as Good or Bad .22-Observe the Ripple Effect .23-Lean into Your Discomfort. 24-Physically Feel Your Emotions . 25-Know What/Who Pushes Your Hot Buttons26-Watch Yourself Like a Hawk .27-Keep an Emotion Journal .38-Don’t Be Fooled by a Bad Mood .39-Don’t Be Fooled by a Good Mood. 310-Ask Yourself Why You Do What You Do .311-Visit Your Values .312-Check Yourself.313-Spot Your Emotions in Books, Movies, Music314-Seek Feedback.315-Get to Know Yourself Under Stress .3Self-Management Strategies .41-Breathe Right .42-Create an Emotion vs. Reason List .43-Make Your Goals Public .44-Count to Ten . 45-Sleep On It .46-Talk to a Skilled Self-Manager .47-Smile and Laugh More .48-Set Aside Time for Problem Solving . 49-Take Control of Your Self-Talk .410-Visualize Yourself Succeeding .411-Clean Up Your Sleep Hygiene .412-Focus Your Attention on Your Freedoms . 413-Stay Synchronized . 414-Speak to Someone Not Emotionally Invested 415-Learn from Everyone You Encounter .516-Put a Mental Recharge into Your Schedule 517-Accept That Change is Just around the Corner.5Social Awareness Strategies . 51-Greet People by Name . 52-Watch Body Language . 53-Make Timing Everything . 54-Develop a Back-pocket Question . 55-Don’t Take Notes at All Meetings . 56-Plan Ahead for Social Gatherings . 57-Clear Away the Clutter in Your Head . 58-Live in the Moment . 59-Go on a 15-minute Tour . 510-Watch EQ at the Movies . 511-Practice the Art of Listening . 512-Go People Watching .613-Understand the Rules of Culture .614-Test for Accuracy . 615-Step into Their Shoes . 616-See the Whole Picture .617-Catch the Mood of the Room .6Relationship Management Strategies .61-Be Open and Be Curious .62-Enhance Your Natural Communication Style 63-Avoid Giving Mixed Signals . 64-Remember, Little Things Pack a Punch . 65-Take Feedback Well . 66-Build Trust . 77-Have an Open-Door Policy . 78-Only Get Mad on Purpose . 79-Don’t Avoid the Inevitable .710-Acknowledge the Other Person’s Feelings .711-Complement the Person’s Emotions orSituation .712-When You Care, Show It . 713-Explain Your Decisions, Don’t Just Make Them.714-Make Your Feedback Direct and Constructive.715-Align Your Intention with Your Impact . 716-Offer a Fix It Statement During a BrokenConversation .717-Tackle a Tough Conversation . 7

Final Thoughts .8Make a Plan to Increase EQ .8Emotional Intelligence 2.0Travis Bradberry and Jean GreavesThesis-1: Emotional intelligence is a key factor inpeople’s success.Thesis-2: There is no known connection betweencognitive intelligence and emotional intelligence.Thesis-3: People can increase their emotionalintelligence even though cognitive intelligence isset.

The JourneyThe communication between the emotional andrational portions of your brain is the physical sourceof emotional intelligence.What you think, say, and do can increase your EQ.Big PictureIQ cognitive intelligence, your ability to learn; aset ability that does not change over time (exceptin cases of traumatic brain injury)EQ emotional intelligence, your skill at beingaware of your emotions and those of others alongwith managing your emotions and yourrelationships; a skill that you can learnPersonality your temperament or style; apreference that is stable over a lifetimeEmotional Intelligence 2.0[ 1! ]

Emotional Intelligence: The Four SkillsSelf-AwarenessSelf-awareness is the ability to stay aware of youremotions in the moment and understand yourtendencies across situations.Self-ManagementSelf-management is your ability to use yourawareness of your emotions to stay flexible anddirect your behavior positively.Social AwarenessSocial awareness is your ability to accurately pick upon emotions in other people and understand what isreally going on with them.Relationship ManagementRelationship management is your ability to use yourawareness of your own and others’ emotions tomanage interactions successfully.Tip: When striving to increase your EQ, work on oneof the four skill areas at a time. Within that skillarea, pick three of the strategies to implement.Self-Awareness Strategies1-Quit Treating Your Feelings as Good or Bad4-Physically Feel Your EmotionsPay attention when you feel an emotion begin tobuild. Remind yourself that labeling it good or bad isnot helpful. Instead, think about what the emotion istrying to help you understand.Pay attention to how an emotion physically affectsyou (increased heart rate; dry mouth; tightening instomach, neck, back; fast, shallow breathing). Forpractice, close your eyes and remember a highemotion incident. Notice what physical symptomsyou get simply thinking about it.2-Observe the Ripple EffectPay attention to how your emotions affect others.Ask others their view of how your emotions affectthem.3-Lean into Your DiscomfortIgnoring feelings doesn’t make them go away. Theywill resurface. Face them when they come and try towork through them.Emotional Intelligence 2.05-Know What/Who Pushes Your Hot ButtonsPay attention to the situations or people that triggeryour emotions. Think about why you might find thosesituation or people irksome.6-Watch Yourself Like a HawkImage observing your situation from above, like ahawk. Think about how your emotional reaction maymake things worse. Try to see things from theother’s perspective. Formulate a calmer way to[ 2! ]

express your emotions and effectively convey yourpoints.7-Keep an Emotion Journal12-Check YourselfNotice your mood and how it influences yourdemeanor. What look do you project to people?By keeping a journal of your emotions and whatevents triggered them, you can become more awareof patterns.13-Spot Your Emotions in Books, Movies, Music8-Don’t Be Fooled by a Bad MoodFinding your emotions in the expressions of artistsallows you to learn about yourself and discoverfeelings that are often hard to communicate.When you’re stuck in a down mood, it’s not a goodtime to make important decisions. Briefly reflect onrecent events that may have brought on the mood.14-Seek Feedback9-Don’t Be Fooled by a Good MoodA good mood can deceive your thinking as much asa bad one. The excitement and energy leave youmore likely to make impulsive decisions that ignorepotential consequences of your actions.10-Ask Yourself Why You Do What You DoWhat is your earliest memory of reacting like this?Are the people or circumstances similar in someway?11-Visit Your ValuesOften, there is a big difference between how you seeyourself and how others see you. When you ask forfeedback, seek specific examples and look forsimilarities in what people tell you.15-Get to Know Yourself Under StressPeople vary in how they react to stress. Whichphysical symptoms are common for you?An upset stomachA pounding headacheCanker soresBack spasmsWhen you recognize that you are under stress, takesome time to recharge your emotional battery.Remind yourself of your values and how well you arecurrently living up to them.My Core Values and Anything I’ve Said or DoneBeliefsRecently That Violates ThemEmotional Intelligence 2.0[ 3! ]

Self-Management Strategies1-Breathe Right8-Set Aside Time for Problem SolvingShallow breaths deprive your brain of oxygen. Thisleads to poor concentration, forgetfulness, moodswings, anxiety, and lack of energy. Breathe slowlyand deeply.Decisions made in a rush are seldom effective.2-Create an Emotion vs. Reason ListWhat Your EmotionsAre Telling You to DoWhat Your Reason isTelling You to DoWhere are your emotions clouding your judgment?Where is your reason blocking important cues fromyour emotions?3-Make Your Goals PublicShare your goals with someone and ask this personto hold you accountable.4-Count to TenWhen you feel yourself becoming frustrated orangry, count to 10 with a slow breath between eachnumber. The focus on counting will engage yourrational brain.9-Take Control of Your Self-TalkThere is a strong relationship between what youthink and how you feel, both physically andemotionally. Learn to control your self-talk.ReplaceWithI alwaysI neverJust this timeSometimesI’m an idiot.I made a mistake.It’s all my fault.It’s all their fault.We each are responsiblefor our actions.10-Visualize Yourself SucceedingVisualize yourself effectively managing your emotionsand behavior.11-Clean Up Your Sleep HygieneTurn off devices with screens two hours beforebedtime or block blue waves with special glassesor a blue-wave blocker app.Avoid working or watching television in bed.Avoid caffeine after noon.12-Focus Your Attention on Your FreedomsTime helps bring clarity and perspective.Take accountability for what is within your area ofresponsibility rather than focusing on what you can’tcontrol.6-Talk to a Skilled Self-Manager13-Stay SynchronizedFind a person who is a skilled self-manager and whois willing to give you some tips.When your emotions get the best of you, force yourattention away from your emotions and on to thetask at hand.5-Sleep On It7-Smile and Laugh MoreYour brain responds to the nerves and muscles inyour face to determine your emotional state. Reador watch something that you find funny.Tip: Hold a pencil between your teeth to activate themuscles used in smiling.Emotional Intelligence 2.014-Speak to Someone Not Emotionally InvestedFind a trusted person to act as a sounding board.This should be someone who is not affected by thesituation. The person should be a good listener[ 4! ]

rather than someone who tries to solve yourproblem for you.you alert, and help you be more effective in planning,organizing, and making decisions.15-Learn from Everyone You Encounter17-Accept That Change is Just around theCornerWhen you are caught off-guard and on thedefensive, use it as an opportunity to learnsomething. Learn from either the other person’sfeedback or their behavior.16-Put a Mental Recharge into Your ScheduleAt least every two weeks, think about importantthings that might happen. Make a list of actions youwill take if the change occurs. Make a list of thingsyou could do now to prepare for the possiblechange.Schedule time for physical activity. It releaseschemicals in your brain to improve your mood, keepSocial Awareness Strategies1-Greet People by Name7-Clear Away the Clutter in Your HeadPeople like the acknowledgement of hearing you saytheir names.When a person is speaking, focus on listening tothat person instead of letting your mind wander toother things. Make it a point to try to learnsomething from listening to the person.2-Watch Body LanguageDoes the person make good eye contact? Doestheir smile appear sincere? Do they appear relaxedor tense and fidgety?3-Make Timing Everything8-Live in the MomentWhen you are around other people, be as presentas possible.9-Go on a 15-minute TourAvoid asking a person for something when you cantell they are angry or under a lot of stress.4-Develop a Back-pocket QuestionHave a question to ask in case a conversation lags.Avoid questions about potentially sensitive topics.5-Don’t Take Notes at All MeetingsIn a meeting where people interact, avoid takingextensive notes. Instead, focus on watching people’sbody language.6-Plan Ahead for Social GatheringsOn an index card, list who will be at the event alongwith any talking points you want to use. Also listanything you agreed to bring, so you don’t forget.Emotional Intelligence 2.0Walk around, noticing people’s workspaces and howpeople move around the area. Try to pick up onpeople’s feelings and how others affect your feelings.10-Watch EQ at the MoviesWatch some movies with the objective of watchingthe character interactions and conflicts. Notice howthe characters handle the conflict. Challengeyourself to pick up on clues that conflict may bebuilding.11-Practice the Art of ListeningListening requires focus. It’s far more than hearingthe words. Listen to the tone, speed, and volume ofthe voice and how those fluctuate. Are thosesending a message beyond what the words say?You won’t know unless you focus fully on the person.[ 5! ]

12-Go People Watching15-Step into Their ShoesFind a public place to watch how people interact withone another. Notice body language.Ask yourself, “If I were this person, how would I (feel,react, respond)?” Think about how the person hasreacted in similar situations.13-Understand the Rules of Culture16-See the Whole PictureWhen interacting with those of a different culture,observe their body language and manner ofspeaking. If you aren’t sure what behavior would beacceptable, ask questions.14-Test for AccuracyTo confirm your interpretation of body language, usea reflective question. Example:“It looks like you are feeling down about something.Did something happen?”Seeking feedback gives you a chance to see howothers may view your behavior. What you intend ashelpful responses and behaviors may appearunhelpful to other people. For example, others mayinterpret your attempt at courteous listening as lackof interest in the topic.17-Catch the Mood of the RoomWhen you enter a room, scan it for energy level.How would you describe the mood (enthusiastic,bored, somber, playful, cautious, angry)?Notice howpeople arrange themselves, alone or in groups.Which people are animated and which aresubdued?Relationship Management Strategies1-Be Open and Be Curious3-Avoid Giving Mixed SignalsGive people enough information about you that theycan understand your perspective. Ask othersquestions to learn about their perspectives.Pay attention to your emotions and how your bodylanguage and vocal expression are coming across topeople.2-Enhance Your Natural Communication Style4-Remember, Little Things Pack a PunchAnalyze how those who know you well view you.Little courtesies such as please, thank you, and I’msorry can make a big difference in your relationshipswith others.Upsides of My StyleDownsides of My Style5-Take Feedback WellHow can you use the upsides of your style toimprove your communication? How can youeliminate or minimize the downsides of your style?Emotional Intelligence 2.0Listen carefully.Ask for examples of what you have said or donethat led the person to view you in a certain way.Whether you agree with the feedback or not,thank the person for being willing to share theirperspective.After the feedback, think seriously about what youheard. How did you react to it emotionally andrationally?Create a plan to make some adjustments so theperson knows you took their feedback seriously.[ 6! ]

12-When You Care, Show It6-Build TrustTo build trust, you will need to be consistent in yourwords and actions over time. You will need to dowhat you say you will do. Gradually share thingsabout yourself so the other person understands youbetter. Watch and listen closely to gain anunderstanding of the other person.7-Have an Open-Door PolicyBe as accessible as you can while realizing that youcannot be there for everyone at all times.8-Only Get Mad on PurposeDon’t let your anger control you. Be angry with theright person, to the right degree, at the right time,for the right purpose, and in the right way. Expressyour anger when you know it will show the gravity ofa situation and serve to improve the relationship.9-Don’t Avoid the InevitableWhen someone does something well, don’t hesitateto let them know you notice it and appreciate it. Varythe way you do this. For example, try some of these:In person thank youEmail noteGreeting cardInexpensive gift tailored to their preferences13-Explain Your Decisions, Don’t Just MakeThemTell people the alternatives you considered and whythe final choice makes sense. Acknowledge how thedecision will affect everyone.14-Make Your Feedback Direct and ConstructiveConsider the best way to give the feedback so it’seasiest for the person to understand and accept.Strive to be clear, direct, constructive, andrespectful.15-Align Your Intention with Your ImpactDon’t avoid a person with whom you must interact.Strive to put boundaries in place to make yourinteraction as helpful as possible for both of you.Think before you speak or act. Make an appropriateand sensitive response.10-Acknowledge the Other Person’s Feelings16-Offer a Fix It Statement During a BrokenConversationRather than stifle or try to change people’s feelings,simply acknowledge them. You don’t have to agreewith their feelings, but it helps to let them know younotice their struggle.When you sense that a person is upset or troubled,here is a process that may help.“It appears something is troubling you.”I’m sorry you are upset.”“Do you want to talk about it?”If they do, then listen carefully.Summarize what you heard.11-Complement the Person’s Emotions orSituationYour role is to notice other people’s moods and bethere for them in a helpful way.Emotional Intelligence 2.0Look at both sides to figure out where theinteraction went off track. Say something neutral tohelp you take a pause. It can be as simple as, “This ishard.”17-Tackle a Tough Co

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves Thesis-1: Emotional intelligence is a key factor in people’s success. Thesis-2: There is no known connection between cognitive intelligence and emotional intelligence. Thesis-3: People can increase their emotional intelligence even though cognitive intelligence is set.

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