This Is An Example Of A Student’s NAPLAN Persuasive Essay .
This is an example of a student’s NAPLANPersuasive Essay response to the topic:“It is cruel to keep animals in cages at zoos. ”The marks and comments for this essay havebeen attached after the essay. The matching‘level’ (high, medium or low) in our NAPLANrubric has also been added in.Read through the student’s essay response, andthen compare it to the feedback.Can you see where the essay has gained/lostmarks?Do you agree with the examiner’s comments?Can you see any ideas/techniques that youwould like to use (or avoid)?
zoos can have useful purposes70
zoos can have useful purposes71
zoos can have useful purposes72
HighHighHighHighHighHighMediumHighHighHigh/Medium
Here is another example of a student’sNAPLAN Persuasive Essay response to thetopic:“It is cruel to keep animals in cages at zoos. ”Marks have NOT been included for this essay.You will need to grade it!A copy of our NAPLAN Assessment Rubricfollows the essay. It will explain what is neededat each level. You will need to read it carefully.Use this rubric to mark the essay, giving it ahigh, medium or low in each criteria.Be prepared to justify your marks!
NAPLAN Persuasive Writing Assessment Rubric1CRITERIAAudienceDESCRIPTIONThe writer’s capacity to orient,engage and persuade the reader.2Text Structure3IdeasThe organisation of the structuralcomponents of a persuasive text(introduction, body and conclusion)into an appropriate and effectivetext structure.The selection, relevance andelaboration of ideas for apersuasive argument.4PersuasiveDevicesThe use of a range of persuasivedevices to enhance the writer’sposition and persuade the reader.5Vocabulary6Cohesion7ParagraphingThe range and precision ofcontextually appropriate languagechoices.The control of multiple ideas andrelationships across the text,achieved through the use ofreferring words, ellipsis, connectingwords, substitutions and wordassociations.The splitting of text intoparagraphs that assists the readerto follow the line of argument.8SentenceStructureThe production of grammaticallycorrect, structurally sound andmeaningful sentences.9Punctuation10SpellingThe use of correct and appropriatepunctuation to aid the reading ofthe text.The accuracy of spelling and thedifficulty of the words used.HIGHMEDIUMLanguage is used effectively to explainthings to the reader, persuade them, andmake them interested in the topic.Tries to show the reader what isimportant. Begins to use language topersuade the reader and make theminterested.There are AT LEAST two clear parts of thestructure (e.g. a clear introduction andbody, but no conclusion or a veryunderdeveloped conclusion).Text is either short and understandable,or longer but difficult to understand.Explains some things to the reader.There are several ideas, which have someelaboration (explained, linked back toargument, etc).There is only one idea with simpleelaboration, or there are a few relatedideas which are not expanded upon.AT LEAST two persuasive devices havebeen used a combined total of at leastthree times. The devices are usedproperly.Words used are precise, although somemay be inaccurate (Example: “my idea of aperfect zoo is ”)The meaning is clear and the text flows.Synonyms are used to avoid repetition.More complex connecting words are used(Example: however, although, therefore,additionally, instead, even though, finally).Just provides a personal opinion, and atthe most one or two types of persuasivedevices. May appear confused orcontradictory.Very simple words are used and simplecomparisons are made. (Example:“animals will feel sad”).Some links between sentences. Simpleconnecting words are used (Example: and,if, so, when, because, then, but)Writing is organised into paragraphs, witheach paragraph focussed on one idea or aset of closely linked ideas. At least twobody paragraphs, intro and conclusionStudent uses complex sentences (usuallywith words like: because, since, after,although, when, that, who, which)There are no paragraphs or paragraphsare used incorrectly (e.g. too many ideas,introduction and body paragraphsmerged, etc).Meaning is usually clear, but sentencesare simple (example: “some students liketo study in the morning”), or a pair ofsimple sentences joined together (withwords like: and, so, for)Capitals and full stops are used correctly.Other punctuation is not used or usedincorrectly.Most simple words are used and speltcorrectly, with errors in other words.There is a good structure, with anintroduction (with a clear contention),body (with reasons and supportingdetails/evidence), and conclusion (whichreinforces the reader’s point).There are several well elaborated ideas(e.g. issues for/against position,explaining cause/effect, attack otherarguments)A range of persuasive devices (more thantwo) are used throughout the essay in aneffective manner.A range of precise and effective wordsare used. (Example: “if humans can havea voice then why can’t animals?”)A fairly long piece of writing that flowsand ties together well. The ideas flowcontinuously throughout the piece.Paragraphs are used correctly and areorganised to effectively support theargument (the argument builds betweenparagraphs and throughout the essay)Sentence structure is correct andeffective (very few errors). Meaning isclear, precise. There is variety in thesentences (length, elaboration, use ofclauses, use of verbs and adjectives, etc)A wide variety of punctuation is usedaccurately and effectively to control howa person reads the text (e.g. for pauses)Correct spelling or all words and difficult/challenging words are used correctly.At least two of the following are usedcorrectly: apostrophes, commas,quotation marks, brackets, colons.Simple and common words are speltcorrectly, and difficult words are used.LOWThere is only one part of the structure(e.g. a body, without an introduction orconclusion), or there is no structure (e.g.just a list of statements/beliefs)
If humans can have a voice why can’t animals66
If humans can have a voice why can’t animals67
NAPLAN Persuasive Writing Assessment Rubric CRITERIA DESCRIPTION HIGH MEDIUM LOW 1 Audience The writer’s capacity to orient, engage and persuade the reader. important. Begins to use language to Language is used effectively to explain things to the reader, persuade them, and make them interested in the topic. Tries to show the reader what is
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