Acknowledging Loss During The COVID-19 Pandemic

Acknowledging Lossduring the COVID-19 PandemicUnderstanding Grief in Yourself and OthersWe often associate the term grief withphysical death, but it is a natural andpredictable response to many kinds ofloss. The sources of loss in thisparticular time are varied and multiple,and our usual avenues for processinggrief may not be available to us.Change management modelsencourage us to acknowledge grief aspart of any organizational changeprocess. The dramatic adaptations inhow we do our work may diminish asense of competence we enjoyed onlyweeks ago. We miss our teams andmust alter how we communicate andFind links to resources on the COVID-19 ications-Toolkit.aspxconnect with our colleagues. Some ofus wonder how the future will redefinethe positions wehave held and thatWe oftenmay alter our senseof professionalassociate theidentity. And, weterm griefmay have lostwith physicalfinancial securitydeath, but itthrough losses inis a naturalinvestments or apartner or familyandmember’s loss ofpredictableemployment.response tomany kindsof loss.This sense of grief iscompounded withour personal losses.The plans you madefor vacations and holiday traditionsnormally celebrated in community arebeing altered or delayed. Weddingshave been cancelled. Our kids misstheir teachers. Our high school seniorswill never celebrate the milestones theyhave looked forward to. And many ofour favorite activities are no longeroptions because of necessaryphysical/social distancing.

The COVID-19 pandemic’s impact onour personal and professional lives willcontinue to result in loss as our evolvingreality takes shape. One day we willsee some opportunities and alternativesin these losses. As people in thehelping professions, we often jumpahead to solutions and silver linings.Those approaches can make useffective helpers and personallyresilient. Still, it’s important to considerthe value of taking time to reflect andgrieve. Be open to acknowledging, fullyexperiencing, and working with yourreactions. Understanding grief may helpyou to extend grace to yourself andothers in these difficult times.Grief Processes There is a complexityand fluidity to grief that often make ithard to navigate. The difficulty lies inthe unique nature of each sorrowjourney, but some elements arecommonly experienced: Non-Linear: There is often a desireto assign a model to grief (e.g., KüblerRoss 5 Stages). Most of the time thisstems from our longing to control andpredict a process that is out of ourcontrol and varies greatly from personto person. Do not expect your processto be straightforward or the same assomeone else’s. Multi-Dimensional: Grief is usuallyperceived as an emotional experience.The reality is that symptoms of grief canbe expressed cognitively, physically,spiritually and emotionally. You mayexperience grief as mental fuzziness,fatigue, aches and pains, a struggle formeaning, and/or mood changes. Cyclical: Grief is not a one-anddone experience. You may find yourselfexperiencing the same symptomsrepeatedly, only to have them stop andthen start again out of the blue with noconscious awareness of why. Developmental:As we move throughDo notthe pandemic and lifeexpect yourmoves forward, don’tprocess tobe surprised to findyourself revisiting thisbe theexperience and makingsame asmeaning from it insomeonedifferent ways. Thiselse’s.can be especially truefor children. Cumulative: Each loss can promptmemories of other losses—bothresolved and unresolved. Losing jobs,identities, social networks, loved onesand homes may lead you to revisit othertraumatic losses from your past.Grieving Styles Different styles ofgrieving are sometimes associated withgender and often reflect our culturalexperiences. These differences simplyreflect how we process loss and varywithin groups. Individuals alter theirgrief responses based on the type ofloss and situations. Instrumental grief is demonstratedwhen the person keeps busy, feels lessoutwardly oriented and more inwardlyfocused. Instrumental grievers tend toemphasize responsibilities, logistics,planning, or task-based activities.

Intuitive grief is when the personreadily expresses feelings, processesoutwardly, and reaches out foremotional support from social networksand relationships.People are sometimes judged harshlyfor grieving in ways divergent frommainstream gender norms. Men whocry may be judged as weak whilewomen who don’t cry may be judged ascold. Remember, grieving styles are notan either/or proposition, and both stylesmay be evident to different degrees inthe same person.Types of Grief There are many kindsof grief. These are just a few that youmay find relevant in this time. Anticipatory grief relates to theawareness or fear of losses to come.With our current state of uncertainty, wemay fear losing jobs, our homes, andthat overwhelming anxiety about losingloved ones to the COVID-19 virus. Assumptive grief is that ache weexperience when we have lost thosethings that webelieved were aAssumptivestable, consistent, orgrief is thatpredictable part ofour lives. Thisache weincludesexperienceprofessionalwhen weopportunities as wellhave lostas those plannedvacations or lifethose thingsmilestones we werethat wecounting onbelievedcelebrating.were a Complex griefstable,occurs when aperson has a difficultconsistent ortime processing thepredictableloss and becomespart of ourunable to movelives.forward emotionally,cognitively, orphysically. People are struggling tometabolize the current levels oftransition and upheaval. It is natural tofocus on familiar coping responses yetgrieving can only be delayed for so longbefore we feel its physical andpsychological impacts. Disenfranchised grief occurs whenthe loss is perhaps not recognized oracknowledged socially for what it is. Wemight participate in downwardcomparisons to minimize the pain: “Atleast you haven’t lost like those otherpeople.” It’s the perception of loss bythe grieving person that triggers grief,not how society views the loss.

Enhance Your Coping CapacityThere are numerous variables that canaffect our ability to cope and many ofthem are learned. Although somecoping behaviors are healthier thanothers, there is no specific right way togrieve. It is our ability to adapt ourresponses that contributes to ourresilience. As noted earlier, there is nomagic checklist ofactions that you cancomplete to there isaccomplish grief, butno specificyou are notright waypowerless. This is ato grieve.menu of responsesyou might consider innavigate loss. Reflect and Acknowledge: Initiallyyou may have focused on resolvinglogistics and addressing emergingissues. If you have found time tobreathe, it may be beneficial topause, identify the losses you areexperiencing and gauge your ownresponses. Culture and Support Systems: Thenature of this pandemic means thatthere is a sense of isolation fromthose very elements we mightusually turn to for support: family,culture, faith, and community.Finding creative ways to tap intothese resources from a distance,such as phone, internet and videochat services can fill that void. Previous Experience: Asmentioned, loss is cumulative. Youmay be able to identify losses thatyou have successfully navigated inthe past. What helped youmetabolize the grief? You may alsofind that survival skills from your pastno longer work for you or aren’trelevant in these unprecedentedtimes. Trying to cultivate new copingskills in mid-crisis is not ideal, butyou might reach out to others forsuggestions. Address the Physical: Grievingsometimes manifests as physicalpain,changes insleeppatterns,eatinghabits andothersymptoms.Listen toyour bodyand addressareas ofconcernsuch as incorporatingstretchingandmovementinto your workday. Family Dynamics: How your family“does grief”, the status of familyrelationships, and living in closequarters during social distancing cansignificantly impact how you dealwith current events. Even within the

same family, individuals processgrief in unique ways. Keep in mindthat family norms and roles maychange. Professional Support: In addition togrief, you may be experiencinganxiety or depression. Sometimessocial service providers resistengaging in the very programs thatthey encourage others to utilize. Youdeserve all the care and support youprovide for others. Remember youhave access to help, includingmental health benefits, the EmployeeAssistance Program, as well asgovernment and communityassistance programs.Resources & Tools:You are not alone. The entire world is grieving. That is both tragicand poignant. Much of humanity is responding to the sufferingwith compassion, innovation and creativity. There are new waysto access support to help ourselves and our loved ones navigatethese times. It starts with self-awareness and recognition. Pleasegive yourself grace as you acknowledge, experience, and workwith your natural reactions to grief. Explore the links below tolearn more about grief and its processes. You deserveall the careand supportyou providefor others.ADEC – Conversations around loss related to COVID-19Cascade Centers Employee Assistance ProgramCenter for the Study of Traumatic Stress – COVID-19 ResourcesCovid-19: Grief, Loss of the Assumptive World and Meaning MakingCovid-19 and Non-Death LossGrief and COVID-19: Mourning our bygone livesHow ‘Anticipatory Grief’ May Show Up During the COVID-19 OutbreakSelf-Care through a Resilience LensSupervising with a Trauma Informed LensThat Discomfort You’re Feeling is GriefTrauma Aware DHSWhat’s Your Grief: A resource site for exploring feelings of loss during thepandemicv2.2

Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress – COVID-19 Resources Covid-19: Grief, Loss of the Assumptive World and Meaning Making Covid-19 and Non-Death Loss Grief and COVID-19: Mourning our bygone lives How ‘Anticipatory Grief’ May Show Up During the COVID-19 Outbreak Self-Care through a Resilience Lens