Conversations About Compassion
Conversations About CompassionFacilitator and Participant GuideTable of ContentsAbout This Guide. 3Introducing the Conversations. 4For FacilitatorsFacilitator’s Role. 5Conversation Format. 6Conversation Guidelines. 7Listening with Focus and Attention. 8Participant’s Role. 9Conversations About CompassionAbout Compassion. 10The Compassionate Instinct. 12About This GuideThis guide is designed to help youexplore the power of compassion inyour own and others’ lives by providingtools for facilitating conversations aboutcompassion in your community, organization,business, or school.This guide contains a series of vignettes thatexplore What compassion is The compassionate instinct Self-compassion Cultivating compassion Compassion in actionSelf-Compassion. 15Cultivating Compassion. 16Compassion in Action. 22Endnotes. 27Additional Resources . 28The Power ofConversationDuring the Fetzer Institute’s four-yearCampaign for Love & Forgiveness,which included hundreds of facilitatedconversations in seven cities acrossthe country, our research revealed thatparticipation in conversations made adifference in participants’ awareness,attitudes, and actions around forgiveness.We’ve also included suggested questions tospark discussion around the essays, videos withaccompanying discussion questions, suggestedhome practices, and resources for furtherexploration.Use the guide as a way to explore compassion andcompassionate action personally or with others.For personal exploration, turn to page 10 andbegin. For information about group conversations,including facilitation, see pages 4–8. If you’re agroup participant, turn to page 9.We invite you to use or adapt any of the materialso that it works best for you and/or your group. Wehope that you find this guide useful, and thank youfor your interest in compassion.Seventy percent of those who participatedin campaign conversations reported thatthey would be more likely to Forgive themselves for mistakes Forgive others who are close to them Consider offering forgiveness as aresponse to a difficult situation Talk with friends about forgiveness orbeing more forgiving Choose to forgive someone ratherthan be angry at themwww.fetzer.org-3
Conversations About CompassionFacilitator and Participant GuideIntroducing theConversationsThe goal of conversations aboutcompassion is to encourage participantsto think and talk about compassion,with the hope that this will bring aboutmeaningful change in attitudes and behavior.For example, we hope that participants willpractice more self-compassion and integrate morecompassionate actions toward others in theireveryday life.Based on our experience with the Campaign forLove & Forgiveness, we learned that holding atleast four conversations gives participants timeto become familiar with the topic and build trust,one with another, allowing the conversations todeepen over time. You may choose whether tolead the conversations in the order the materialis presented or modify it, depending on theexperiences, needs, and desires of your group.Drawing from facilitator surveys, we recommendthat the conversations take place over a periodof four to twelve weeks, and last at least twohours each.4-Between conversations, participants will havethe opportunity to practice and add to what theyare learning via the essays and suggested homepractices.In keeping with the Fetzer Institute’s belief thatindividual transformation can lead to societalchange, we hope that as participants learn aboutdifferent aspects of compassion and practice morecompassion in their own lives, there will be a rippleeffect into communities. We witnessed this duringthe Campaign for Love & Forgiveness when, forexample, some communities created Gardens ofForgiveness or dedicated a Red Bench in a publicspace where people met to share stories of loveand forgiveness. Perhaps there is a difficult issuein your community where a focus on compassioncould play a role (for example, finding ways tobring compassion into discussions of policiestoward people who are homeless, or dealing withracial tensions).Conversations About Compassion: Facilitator and Participant Guide
For FacilitatorsFacilitator’s RoleAs facilitator, your role is to create awelcoming, safe, and comfortableenvironment for participants. You maywant to recognize the courage it takes to sharestories and feelings surrounding the topic ofcompassion, and make participants aware that thesubject matter may trigger powerful emotions. Askthe group to honor these emotions as they arise.You can also research additional resources andoffer them to those who may wish to more deeplyexplore personal issues outside the conversations.You will likely find that by sharing your thoughtsand experiences, you will be modeling thekind of sharing and conduct that will keep theconversations respectful, purposeful,and enjoyable.It is also possible that an individual will expressemotions that may be better explored outside ofthe group, with a counselor or other professional.Prepare your group for the potential that deep andunexpected emotions may arise that cannot beresolved by this group.We include in this guide a suggested list of sharedagreements for you and your participants. Theymay be read at the beginning of each conversation,to set the tone and create a framework for sharing,and they can be amended, expanded, or rewrittenby your group, as desired. Since participants willbe doing a lot of listening, there’s also a page onthe nature and value of focused listening. You mayread this with participants at the first conversationand briefly discuss how focused listening can initself be an act of love.If extremely powerful emotions or conflict shouldarise among participants, addressing them in away that honors both those involved and the groupat large is important. If a conflict threatens toderail the group in a way that would not illustratethe concepts being discussed, or if the conflictis taking up too much of the group’s time, youcould ask those involved to set aside time after thesession for further exploration or mediation, and/or make yourself available for private conversationon the matter as you are able. If someone isconsistently disrupting the group, you may askthat person privately to re-evaluate his or herreasons for joining the conversations. Maintainingsafety and order for the entire group is mostimportant, even as the constructive explorationof conflict within the group can be beneficial toeveryone’s learning.www.fetzer.org-5
For FacilitatorsConversation FormatAs facilitator, you’ll be responsible formaking sure that the conversations startand end on time, following a formatand agenda you decide upon (allowing forchanges and new directions that may arise asthe conversations progress). Below is a suggestedformat for a two-hour conversation. You also havethe opportunity to adjust the conversations andthe suggested activities to suit the culture, age,ethnicity, etc., of the group.1. Prepare. Review this guide and familiarizeyourself with the concepts. Read the essays andview the clips ahead of time.2. Arrive early. On the day of the conversation,make sure the room is ready for participants(enough chairs, arranged in a circle or arounda table for conversation, proper ventilation andtemperature, water, flip charts, paper, writingutensils, working video/audio equipment,nametags, signs, etc.). Give yourself as muchtime as you need to prepare. You might take a fewmoments to center yourself before people arrive,and set an intention or vision for how you wish toguide the conversation.3. Begin the conversation on time. This sets aprecedent and honors those present.4. Officially welcome the group andintroduce yourself. At the first conversation,it’s important to acknowledge the courage andgoodwill of those who have chosen to participate.You can also acknowledge any nervousness oranxiety that people may feel about joining theconversations. The facilitator acts as a group voiceat times like this, and you can exemplify honestsharing by mentioning any feelings you may haveabout leading the conversations. You might also saysomething brief about why you chose to facilitatethese conversations, and what you hope to achieve.5. Invite participants to briefly introducethemselves. It’s best to keep this concise, withparticipants stating their names, where they live(or work, or go to school, etc., depending on thegroup’s identity), and a sentence about how theyare feeling about being part of the conversation.You can say that there will be more time later foractual discussion. This kind of “lightning checkin” at the beginning of each conversation allowspeople to momentarily release whatever thought orfeeling might distract them from being present tothe group. An example: “My name is Lily and I livein Springfield. I’m stressed because I had to rushto get here, and I’m kind of nervous because I don’tknow what to expect.”6. Announce the format. Give everyone a senseof the conversation’s flow and ending time. Remindthem where bathrooms are and if there are snacksavailable, and encourage them to take care ofthemselves during the conversation (stretch if theyneed to, get a drink of water, etc.). You may wish tobuild in a break midway.7. Distribute and review the guide. Note thesuggested home practices.6-Conversations About Compassion: Facilitator and Participant Guide
For FacilitatorsConversation GuidelinesRead the suggested guidelines or create yourown. This establishes a code of conductfor the group and allows everyone tofeel responsible for honoring that code. We haveprovided suggested guidelines, which you and yourparticipants can amend and/or expand for yourparticular needs, or use as a reference in creatingyour own list. Over time we’ve learned that it’suseful to read the guidelines for at least the firsttwo conversations. After the agreements are readaloud by all who wish to read, you can ask whetheranyone has a question or need for clarification, andaddress any of those needs. You may also wish totake a group vote on the guidelines.1. Center the group. This helps people “land”in the room, and invites calm and focus. Ideasinclude a minute of silence with closed eyes, abrief meditation on breath and body awareness,an invitation to silently pray or set an intention,or your own preferred centering technique.Participants could also meditate on compassionitself—where they experience it in the body, howit feels, what images or thoughts come to mind, etc.You could also invite them to think about a timewhen someone offered them compassion,and how it felt. Afterward you could verbally endthe centering practice, or ring a soft chime to bringeveryone’s attention back to the group. Anotherpossibility is to set the tone with a quotation onthe subject of compassion. You might suggestthat participants bring in a quotation of theirown for this purpose. If you sense a desire amongparticipants to share about the centering, you caninvite them to do so briefly.3. Lead activities for the conversation. Thereare suggested video clips for each conversationthat can be used in addition to the vignettes totrigger conversation. For each clip, this guideincludes suggested discussion questions. You willlikely also have your own ideas for group activities,depending on your conversation format and thegroup’s makeup. Have a few alternative exercisesin mind for anyone who may need them (e.g.,if someone feels uncomfortable about sharingsomething personal out loud, they could writeabout the topic instead), and allow participantsto skip or alter any exercises that make themuncomfortable.4. End activities and move to a moment ofsilence. This allows everyone to briefly “digest”the conversation and identify their feelings inthe moment. Again, verbal instructions and/ora soft chime could mark the start of this closingmeditation.—Jacob Needleman5. Close the conversation with the group.You and the participants can offer brief statementsabout how you feel at the end of the conversation,and/or what you might take away from theexperience. Encourage participants to use theguide as a way to keep the conversation aliveand expand upon their learning, and invite themto read the next essay in preparation for theupcoming session. Remind everyone of the nextconversation date, and allow a few minutes for anyquestions/comments that participants may haveas they leave.2. Introduce the vignettes. This guide includesfive vignettes or short essays: About Compassion,The Compassionate Instinct, Self-Compassion,Cultivating Compassion, and Compassion inAction. They provide background and contextfor the conversations and include an overview ofrelevant research. The essays may be read duringthe conversation sessions or by the participantson their own time.www.fetzer.orgSimply put, there isnothing, nothing inthe world that cantake the place of oneperson intentionallylistening orspeaking to another.-7
For FacilitatorsConversation GuidelinesListening with Focusand AttentionGuidelines or shared agreements among groupmembers help to keep conversations orderly,respectful, and conducive to honest sharing. Feelfree to customize this list or generate your ownguidelines. You can vote on your guidelines at thefirst conversation, and refer to them as neededthroughout the remaining conversations.Y We agree to hold confidential what is sharedin this room. If we encounter a conversationpartner outside this room, we will respecthis or her privacy. Listening with an open heart and mind We intend to balance sharing and listening,allowing everyone to participate, and we’llpass whenever we wish. When someone is speaking, we’ll allowhim or her to speak uninterrupted, andrefrain from giving unsolicited feedback,advice, or commentary. We commit to using “I” statements as oftenas possible when we share. We will assume good intentions oneveryone’s part, agree that we may disagreeat times, and learn together aboutrespecting differences. If an exercise makes us uncomfortable,we can skip it or ask the facilitator for analternative.ou might take a few minutes to discussthe value of listening, and shareexperiences where you really felt heard orlistened to someone who needed to be heard.A discussion about good listening skills mightinclude these points Allowing the speaker to finish his or herthoughts and sentences, even when we feelimpatient to speak Accepting that the speaker feels what heor she feels, no matter what we think, andrefraining from “correcting” the speaker’sfeelings Listening with no agenda other than to bea sounding board for someone who needsto speak Imagining that we are speaking andlistening to ourselves Listening without trying to solve or fix aproblem, unless feedback or advice issought Other skills, as suggested by your group We intend to attend all four conversations,and begin and end our conversationson time. We will listen with focus and attention. Other agreements unique to our group.8-Conversations About Compassion: Facilitator and Participant Guide
Participant’s RoleYour willingness to join theseconversations indicates that you havean interest in exploring the power ofcompassion in your own life. We hope that you willfeel comfortable sharing your experiences in a waythat honors your need for privacy and discretion,while surfacing insights and sharing experiencesand stories that will give you opportunities to delvedeeper into the topic and inspire others.You may find during the course of theseconversations that you touch upon issues in yourlife that could benefit from outside counseling.Your facilitator may have referrals or suggestions.Also in this guide are practices that you can tryat home, to sustain the conversations betweenmeetings and see what kind of impact they canhave on your life in general. It is likely that thosearound you will feel the effects of your involvementin this work, even if you do not discuss it withthem, and that it will awaken you to the power ofcompassion to transform your life.www.fetzer.org-9
Conversations About CompassionAbout CompassionWhat is compassion?Too often weunderestimate thepower of a touch, asmile, a kind word,a listening ear, anhonest compliment,or the smallest act ofcaring, all of whichhave the potential toturn a life around.—Leo BuscagliaSince birth, we havebeen able to resonatewith other humanbeings.Sympathetic consciousness of others’distress together with a desire toalleviate it.—Merriam Webster Dictionary1. Suffering together with another,participation in suffering; fellowfeeling, sympathy.2. The feeling or emotion, when aperson is moved by the suffering ordistress of another, and by the desireto relieve it; pity that inclines one tospare or to succour.—Oxford English DictionaryYears ago I sat in a public park in the darkestdepression I have ever experienced. Crying androcking back and forth [when] a Latino man whospoke little English gave me his mat and blanket,saying to me “Your home, my friend.” I am whereI am today because of that mat and blanket.—Spencer Christensen, San Rafael, Calif.,from the Charter for CompassionIn a world where examples of widespread sufferingare ever-present, why would we want to experiencethe suffering of others? It’s enough to experienceour own suffering. Perhaps it’s because, as Spencerexperienced, an act of compassion expands ourability to cope and touches us, often beyond whatwe can verbally express. All of a sudden, our painis shared and we are seen.True compassion is one of the great gifts of life.It arises from the understanding and awarenessthat we are all connected.Not only that but, as human beings, we are, infact, wired to be empathic—to attune ourselvesto others’ emotional states. And empathy,accompanied by a desire to relieve another’ssuffering, is compassion.The gift Spencer received was offeredspontaneously. “Your home, my friend,” mayhave been the sweetest words he’d ever heard.Compassionate acts, like the one Spencerexperienced, are typically not done out of selfinterest, but because feeling another’s paincompels a response to relieve it.Being compassionate has been shown to boostour health, reduce stress, improve our workenvironment, and be an antidote to our increasingisolation. Not only that, but it seems to becontagious!While researchers are finding that compassionis an inherent part of our nature, it is oneamong many competing emotions. Many otheremotions—fear, sadness, grief, anger, hurt—canprovoke the very suffering that we experiencewhen we feel compassion. It is, however, becausewe suffer that cultivating compassion can yieldsuch benefits.—Piero Ferrucci10-Conversations About Compassion: Facilitator and Participant Guide
Conversations About CompassionSuggested Questions andActivities for the Group1. Ask group members to share an indeliblememory of compassion.2. Have group members talk about a personor people in their lives who modeledcompassion for them.3. Ask group members to talk about acharacter in a movie or book whoexemplifies compassion.Suggested Home Practices1. Spend a day “tuning into” how peoplearound you are feeling.2. Spend a day consciously “doing unto othersas you’d have them do unto you.”3. Think of key events in your life that havecaused you suffering and what that hastaught you about empathy and compassion.Suggested VideoResourceMalaysian Kids Talk About Compassion (3:14)www.blog.ted.com/2009/11/video malaysian.phpA
compassion in your community, organization, business, or school. This guide contains a series of vignettes that explore What compassion is The compassionate instinct Self-compassion Cultivating compassion Compassion in action We’ve also included suggested questions to spark discussion around the essays, videos with
Mrs. Meyer's COMPASSION FLOWER GARDEN GUIDE3 WEEK 1 COMPASSION Summary Kids will explore ways to express compassion by learning how our gardens and green spaces can be designed to provide homes for a wide diversity of living creatures. Overview We show compassion for others when we help those in need. Showing compassion is a two-step process.
Dr. Kristin Neff Websites Center for Mindful Self-Compassion (For information on MSC 8-week courses and intensives and MSC teacher training): www.CenterForMSC.org Self-Compassion website (Self-compassion survey, videos, research articles, guided meditations and exercises): www.Self-Compassion.org Books:
An ever-increasing body of research suggests that self-compassion enables people to suffer less while also helping them to thrive. So far, the majority of studies focusing on self-compassion have been correlational, using the Self-Compassion Scale (SCS; Neff, 2003a) to determine the association between trait self-compassion and psychological .
School. He co-developed the Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program with Kristin Neff in 2010 and they wrote two books, The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook and Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program. MSC has been taught to over 150,000 people worldwide. Dr. Germer is also the author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion; he co-edited two
Fierce conversations do not mean cruel, brutal or angry conversations. It means powerful or intense conversations. According to the author, it means “one in which we come out from behind ourselves into the conversations and make it real.” It simply means telling what you really feel and being real.
SOCIAL STYLE and Crucial Conversations 2 Overview The book "Crucial Conversations"1 provides advice for having conversations when failure is a strong possibility. The authors (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler) provide a model for working through potentially disastrous conversations in a way that increases the chances
starting gospel conversations and see what God has planned for CWBC. Many Blessings Mark During the State Evangelism Conference Dr. Chuck Kelly shared some alarming facts. Gospel conversations connect the dots between the physical and spiritual needs in life. Once conversations are started, opportunities arise for gospel conversations.
A02 Authorised: return title page only to supplier A03 Authorised: keep as complimentary copy, credit will be given in full A04 Hold pending further investigation A05 Return to supplier regardless of condition A06 Claim authorised for credit Although it remains customary for the distributor to require the return of the complete book before giving credit, the code lists also provide for .
