Important - Women's Infidelity

1y ago
11 Views
1 Downloads
529.52 KB
7 Pages
Last View : 24d ago
Last Download : 6m ago
Upload by : Francisco Tran
Transcription

Important This information is intended for men who have already read the Women’s Infidelity books and the “Male Stages.” If you haven’t read the “Male Stages” please read that first, so you can understand the following information. Copyright 2019, Michelle Langley All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission

Save Your Marriage NOW! The critical difference between men who save their marriages and men who spiral down through the stages is: Men who save their marriages are able to make a “conscious” decision to save their marriages ‘before’ their wives give up their affairs, reaffirm their commit to marriage or show any signs of wanting to reconcile. Men who spiral down through the stages aren’t able to make a “conscious” decision to save their marriages “ahead” of their wives; instead, these men want a guarantee of commitment, first. As you learned from reading Women’s Infidelity, this has traditionally been how women approached their relationships with men: Get the male to commit—first—and then start assessing if you want him. However, the approach of getting a commitment first is a strategy that both sexes use when they’re feeling too insecure to relax, be themselves and think rationally. Therefore, men who spiral down through the stages, whether they realize it or not, don’t really know yet if they want to save their marriages, because they’re too destabilized emotionally to be capable of “conscious” decision making. Do You See The Difference? Men who spiral down through the stages are trying to save their marriages because they can’t function properly; and their decision to hold themselves in pain and “wait” to stabilize their emotions until AFTER their wives decide first actually causes them to become more and more destabilized. Sadly, men frequently seek the wrong kind of advice after discovering their wives’ affair. Instead of consuming infidelity and marriage-saving advice, what men really need is to simply learn an effective emotional regulation technique so they can manage their fear and anxiety. As Andrew Marshall states in his book, My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Anymore, “ more relationships break down at this point because of the husband’s panic than the wife’s determination to leave.” Over the years, I’ve found from coaching men that when women cheat or have affairs, the husband’s reaction is the single most important factor in determining

whether or not the marriage can be saved. Men simply don’t realize how much power they have to completely turn their situations around; but they only have the power to turn their situations around, if they focus their attention on the “real” problem and not the symptom. So let’s start with the solution. I’m sure you’ve probably read or have been told multiple times that you need to let go completely in order to save your marriage. But you’re probably totally resistant to the idea. As David Richo explains in his book How To Be An Adult In Relationships, “ in the midst of a crisis of infidelity The risky move is also the only reasonable option to let go completely. This requires enormous discipline because the ego wants to assert itself and regain its power Yet our work is simple: to witness the events and players rather than to be players.” If letting go completely is the only reasonable option then that means: All Other Options Are— Emotional. As Dawson Church explains in his book, Mind to Matter, “When our consciousness is disrupted by stress, our brains are not coherent When our brains are not coherent We’re afflicted by “brain fog,” we’re easily confused, and our cognitive abilities plummet.We are unable to be objective and consider a problem realistically. Stress can result in a drain of more than 70 percent of the frontal lobes, the cognitive centers of the brain.” And as Maia Szalavitz explains in her book, Unbroken Brain, “In both love and addiction, the stress relief system has become wired to the object of the addiction–you need the drug or the person to feel at ease, in the same way that young children need their parents.” The root problem is that you need your wife to feel at ease, just like a young child needs their mother to feel at ease; but your marriage can’t be saved until you no longer NEED your wife to feel at ease.

You see, if you’re like a lot of men, you think you can save your marriage without solving the root problem. But wanting to take a short cut is just a symptom of your emotions winning out over your rational, higher-level mind system. As authors Chip and Dan Heath explain in their book Switch, “Your brain isn’t of one mind. The brain has two independent systems at work at all times. First, there’s what’s called the emotional side. It’s the part of you that is instinctive, that feels pain and pleasure. Second, there’s the rational side, also known as the reflective or conscious system. It’s the part of you that deliberates and analyzes and looks into the future.” They also write, “The weakness of our emotional side, is clear: It’s lazy and skittish, often looking for the quick payoff (ice cream cone) over the long-term payoff (being thin).” If you continue to let your emotions make your decisions for you, then divorce is almost guaranteed. The emotional pain and stress from your wife’s affair, coupled with your fear over the possibility of getting divorced has caused you to lose access to your “thinking” rational mind. Let’s go back to Church’s book, Mind to Matter. Church writes, “When the brain is functioning at peak efficiency, an EEG scan shows coherence between brain regions When our consciousness is disrupted by stress, our brains are not coherent When our brains are not coherent, we aren’t able to think clearly.” We’re afflicted by “brain fog,” When we’re upset we’re easily confused, and our cognitive abilities plummet.We are unable to be objective and consider a problem realistically. Stress can result in a drain of more than 70 percent of the frontal lobes, the cognitive centers of the brain.” Church goes on to explain, “The parts of the brain tasked with emotional regulation are also the ones that handle working memory Working memory involves awareness, enabling you to remain focused, and to sort relevant from irrelevant information. When your emotions are disturbed, those parts of the brain go offline for use by working memory. You then make poor decisions.

When you learn effective emotional regulation you are able to control your emotions, freeing up the brain’s memory circuits to run your life wisely.” If you focus on solving the “real” problem which is that you are currently NOT functioning properly, you can stop ADDING to the problem and making your situation worse. You see men who AREN’T dependent on their wives don’t need their wives to do ‘anything’ in order for them to feel better. As Dr. David Burns states in his book, Feeling Good, “The demand or need for love before you can feel happy is called “dependency.” Dependency means that you are unable to assume responsibility for your emotional life.” And as Guy Finley writes in his book, The Secret Of Letting Go, “The problem is, at our undeveloped level, we believe that another person or event is causing our unhappy feelings. We want power over them in the hope that it will give us power over our punishing feelings.” Men who are moving through the stages want power over their wives in order to gain power over themselves. But here’s what you must understand: As Long As You’re Trying To Control Your Wife – Your Wife Controls You When we don’t how to self-regulate, we live at the mercy of other people and external circumstances; and oftentimes, without even knowing how vulnerable we are until a major life crisis hits. In fact, you were probably caught off guard by reaction to your wife’s affair. The Cold Hard Truth Your wife can’t feel romantic or sexual desire for you until she can no longer control you. It’s that simple. If she can control you, she equates “you” with a child; and therefore, CAN’T feel attracted to you as a “sexual or romantic” partner. So You Only Need To Do One Thing

The fact is most of us were never taught how to regulate our emotions because we were raised by parents who didn’t know how to regulate their emotions. But it’s not hard to do. In fact, you can invest as little as one hour of your time learning about EFT Tapping which is an extremely effective self regulation technique that in the very near future will probably be taught in most schools. It’s already commonly used for PTSD. The technique only takes about ten minutes to learn. Unfortunately, it took a really long time for me to look into Tapping because I thought it was weird (and you probably will too). But there’s actually nothing weird about Tapping. EFT tapping is an alternative acupressure therapy treatment that you do on yourself (instead of needles, you use your fingers to tap on specific points of the body). Tapping makes perfect sense once you learn just a little bit about it, and there’s a tremendous amount of scientific research to back up the benefits. EFT Tapping You can learn about EFT Tapping at the following link: Tapping 101: https://www.thetappingsolution.com/tapping-101/ Note: Make sure you click on the “Introduction to the Tapping Points” link so you can learn the tapping points (it only takes a couple minutes to learn them). After you learn the points, go to the link below to do a free tapping meditation (it’s approximately 6 minutes). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v 7X4FIDPXOVM For more information you can watch a Today Show segment On Tapping: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v HbTTZlfvjkQ Tapping With Brad Yates Brad Yates has hundreds of free tapping sequences online. I’ve pasted in a link to one of his tapping videos below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v xYwRVp0HLaA

Save Your Marriage NOW! The critical difference between men who save their marriages and men who spiral down through the stages is: Men who save their marriages are able to make a "conscious" decision to save their marriages 'before' their wives give up their affairs, reaffirm their commit to marriage or show any signs of wanting to

Related Documents:

Coping with Infidelity 3 Definition What exactly defines infidelity? Most of us believe that infidelity is the act of intercourse occurring with an external person outside a relationship. Interestingly, feelings of hurt and betrayal can be equally

42 wushu taolu changquan men women nanquan men women taijiquan men women taijijlan men women daoshu men gunshu men nangun men jianshu women qiangshu women nandao women sanda 52 kg women 56 kg men 60 kg men women 65 kg men 70 kg men 43 yatching s:x men women laser men laser radiall women 1470 men women 49er men 49er fxx women rs:one mixed

Independent Personal Pronouns Personal Pronouns in Hebrew Person, Gender, Number Singular Person, Gender, Number Plural 3ms (he, it) א ִוה 3mp (they) Sֵה ,הַָּ֫ ֵה 3fs (she, it) א O ה 3fp (they) Uֵה , הַָּ֫ ֵה 2ms (you) הָּ תַא2mp (you all) Sֶּ תַא 2fs (you) ְ תַא 2fp (you

unfair portrayal of women and men in advertising. Although recent studies have shown that the portrayal of women in advertisements has gotten a lot better recent analyses have still shown that television media portrays women the same way in the past. These stations include ones such as prime time and MTV which air commercials that still depictFile Size: 1MBPage Count: 20Explore furtherChanging portrayal of women in advertisingbestmediainfo.comChanging the Portrayal of Women in Advertising - NYWICInywici.orgSix stereotypes of women in advertising - Campaignwww.campaignlive.co.ukHow Women Are Portrayed in Media: Do You See Progress .www.huffpost.comRecommended to you b

Women SME Entrepreneurs UN WOMEN CHINA Beijing, April, 2022 UN Women is the UN organization dedicated to gender equality and the empowerment of women. A global champion for women and girls, UN Women was established to accelerate progress on meeting their needs worldwide. UN Women supports UN Member States as they set global standards for

women’s archives, a tradition that–not at all coin-cidentally–began in the 1890s and early 1900s around the time the Women’s College was found-ed. For there is a connection between the pursuit of women’s education and the documentation of women’s past activities. The women and men who insisted

contents 2 3 executive summary 5 women, poverty and natural resource management 5 poverty 7 land tenure 9 education 10 health 17 engage women, drive change 17 empowering women to manage natural resources 21 engaging women in natural resource management is good for women 23 engaging women in natural resource management is good for

236. Wild Iris Family Counseling and Crisis Center 237. Winning Strategies 238. Witness Justice 239. Women Enabled, Inc. 240. Women of Color Network 241. Women of Reform Judaism 242. Women, Action & the Media 243. Women's Action for New Directions 244. Women's Business Development Ce