A Handbook On Marriage - Monzer Kahf

ِUَ ْ ر )7 ، ء % 'جُ ا َو X َأ و ََََََ َ "6 %ِ َGْ"َ َ7 6ِ&'%ُS ْ َNmy back on marriage. Whoeverturns away of my way of life is nota follower of mine.”( )روا ا ري و (Transmitted by Bukhari and Muslim)Role of ParentsWith marriage occupying such an important place in the life ofIslamic society and community, parents are required to help their childrenget married. Abdullah ibn ‘Umar reported that his father ‘Umar tried hard toget his daughter Hafsah remarried after she became a widow. He offered herin marriage to ‘Uthman but ‘Uthman showed no interest, then he offered herto Abu Bakr, but he also declined. Both knew the Prophet (pbuh) wasinterested in marrying her (the story is reported in full by Bukhari andNasa’i).We will notice later that the involvement of family accompany theprocess of marriage from its first step of selection of spouse to concludingthe contract to helping in marriage counseling and in carrying the burden ofraising the children. The family financial support also remains vivid in thebackground and it is called to the front when needed.Furthermore, it is well-known in Shari’ah that spending on marriage,when obligatory or recommended, is given higher priority over spending onpilgrimage although the latter is one of the basic five pillars of Islam.Additionally, financial help may be given from Zakah fund in case ofmarriage but Zakah can’t be given to help a person go for Hajj.2. Selection of the SpouseThe most important factor to be considered in the selection of aspouse is piety, i.e. the moral and religious attitude and standards ofbehavior. The Messenger of God says::ٍi. َر M ة ْأ ْر َ % َُْ ُ ا hَ ُْ"ََِِْ )ِ ! ! و َِ َ َ[ َ َ َِِ )َِ, !% ِA ! و و ََِ ََ? ِ َات k.8 ;ِ. ْ8َ ْj َ7َ ِ A ا ْ َِ"َ اك Aَ َ“A woman is normally sought as awife for one of four reasons: herwealth, her noble lineage, her beauty,or her religious character. Be blessedby choosing the God-fearing woman,or else you will be a loser.”9

( )رواه البخاري ومسلم (Transmitted by Bukhari and Muslim)A God-fearing and understanding wife makes life enjoyable andstriving pleasant. Abdullah ibn ‘Amr reported the Prophet (pbuh) as saying:8ْ"َ َ ٌ و َ ع & ْA ا C "َ َ" ُ ة ْأ 8)N َ& َُْ ! ا َ ََِِ '( ُ" )روا (َ[ Y ا “This life on earth is for joy and thebest type of its joy is [to have] agood wife.” (Transmitted by Muslim)The second factor in spouse selection is her ability to be affectionateto her husband and give birth to children. Ma’qil ibn Yassar reported theProphet (pbuh) as saying:“Marry the affectionate woman who(can) give birth to children so that onthe Day of Resurrection I will bedelighted by your multitudecompared with other nations.” د ْ ا َََُ َُM ا ُود َد َو X ْ ا ا ُ 'َ"َ ُ ِ. ٌ8ِ َ 7 Vَُُِ 6 "ِ( 1 ْ ْمَ ا ََ َ"ِ( )رواه النسائي وأبو داود (Transmitted by Nasa’i and Abu Dawud)Compatibility in personality, social attitudes, age, and cultural andeconomic standards may be a factor that deserves not to be disregarded. TheProphet (pbuh) refused to marry Fatimah to Abu Bakr and then to Umarbecause she was “still very young” but when Ali, who was also young, askedto marry her, the Prophet (pbuh) married her to him.Beauty and physical compatibility is yet another factor in selecting thespouse. The Prophet (pbuh) put it this way:“The best of women is one who ispleasing to look at, who carries outyour instructions, when you ask herwith the solemnity of an oath sheresponds favorably, and in yourabsence, she protects your trust inherself and in your property.”ِ َ َا ِذ ْ إ % ُ ا 8ْ"َ "َ ء َا ِذ َإ َ و 4 8َS ! َ إ ْت 8َn ْ'َََِْ" َا ِذ َإ َ و 4ْ&َN َ َﻃ ! أ 8 أ ََْ ََ8. ! أ َN َk) أ ْ'َ4 َََْ"ََْ Bَْ&َnِ َ* !%َN َkْ ِU َا ِذ َإ و َ4َِْْ َ" )روا 4 ! و ْ َ%ِ.َََِ(Transmitted by Nasa’i with anauthenticated chain of narrators)(# % & ' ا It is strongly recommended that prior to the marriage contract bothparties have an opportunity to see each other. The Prophet (pbuh) is reported10

by al-Mughirah to have said to one of his companions who was going to getmarried:“Look at her, for that helps to fosterpermanent love between you.”(Transmitted by Nasa’ ه and Tirmith)َِ ' ذ ن V7 ! ْ إ 8ُn "أ َََُِِْ4 َْ" " )%ْ". ْد p َن َى أ 8ْ*َ أ َ َ َم َُ َُ ْ( )روا ا ' وا ( ي All intimate practices such as dating and trial marriage, etc. beforemarriage are strictly prohibited because they annihilate and contradict thevery meaning of marriage.It is also prohibited to propose to a woman who has received aproposal from another man as long as this proposal is still pending and is notrejected. Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:“A man must not propose to awoman when his [Muslim] brotherhas already proposed to her until thefirst man quits.” (Transmitted byِ(َ ْRُ Zَ َN ُ ُRْq "و َ Hَ"َ َر ; &َ* ِ "ِ َ أ َ Z'( )روا ا ري و Bukhari and Muslim)3. Women/Men Forbidden to MarryMarriage is defined is Shari’ah as a civil bondage between a man anda woman that makes intimacy and mutual joy and satisfaction permissible. Itis forbidden between certain men and women in respect to the sacredness oftheir relations, be they blood relations, or marriage relations or breastfeeding relations. Marriage relations may concern an existing marriage or aprevious marriage that has broken down for any reason. This is of course inaddition to the basic point that a married woman may not marry any manbecause she is already bound in marriage.Marriage Between Blood RelativesMarital relation is not allowed between a man and any of thefollowing blood relatives: his mother (including grandmothers), daughter(including granddaughters), sister (full, paternal and maternal), aunt(including grandaunts, both paternal and maternal), and niece (daughter of asister or brother, including grandnieces).11

By exact reciprocity, a woman is forbidden to marry any of thefollowing blood relatives: Her father (including grandfathers), son (includinggrandsons), brother (full, paternal and maternal), uncle (includinggranduncles, both paternal and maternal), and nephew (son of a sister orbrother, including grandnephews).Marriage Between Marital RelativesMarriage is forbidden between a man and the mother of his wife orthe mother of his ex-wife regardless of whether his marriage to her daughterstill exists or has been dissolved by divorce or death. It makes no differencewhether there was consummation between the man and the daughter or notas long as a marriage was contracted. Grandmothers (paternal and maternal)of the wife or ex-wife are considered as her mother in regard to thisprohibition. In other words, once a marriage contract takes place between aman and a woman, her mother and grandmothers become forbidden to himin marriage exactly like his own mother and grandmothers.A man is also forbidden to marry the daughter of his wife or formerwife from a previous or a later marriage once the marriage with the motherhas been consummated. If a marriage between a man and a woman has beencontracted but dissolved before consummation, the man may marry thatwoman’s daughter.Also here by exact reciprocity, a former wife of a man is forbidden formarriage to the father (including grandfathers of either side) of her exhusband whether their marriage was consummated or not and whether shewas divorced or widowed. Also, an ex-wife of a man is prohibited formarriage to the son (including grandsons) of her ex-husband whether theconsummation had taken place or not, and whether she was divorced orwidowed.It is also forbidden for a man to marry a sister of his present wife, i.e.to have them both together in marriage. The same prohibition applies toparental and maternal aunts of a current wife. But after divorcing his wife orafter her death, a man may marry her sister or aunt. Also a woman maymarry a brother or uncle of her former husband.Marriage Between Breast-Nursing RelativesBreast feeding of a baby during his/her first two years of age, for atleast one full feeding (full feeding means that the baby takes the nipple ofthe breast and gets milk from it until the baby is full and quits the nipple out12

of his/her own desire without any forced interruptions),1 makes the feedingmother like the baby’s natural mother in regard to prohibition of marriageand also makes all her relatives the same as blood relatives with respect tothe prohibition of marriage.2 Also when a woman breast feed a baby, thewoman’s husband becomes a breast-feeding father of the baby and is treatedlike a blood father in regard to the prohibition of marriage. The sameprohibition also applies to marriage relations. In other words, breast-feedingmother and daughter of a current or former wife are prohibited for thehusband and a breast-feeding father and son of an ex-husband are prohibitedfor a woman.All the above prohibitions are mentioned in the Qur’an and theauthentic Sayings of the Prophet (pbuh), here are the texts:“And marry not women whomyour fathers married, unless itbe a thing of the past; surely itis indecent and hateful; an evilway” (4:22)“Forbidden to you (for marriage)are: your mothers, your daughters,your sisters, your paternal aunts,maternal aunts, your brother’sdaughters, your sister’s daughters,your [foster] mothers who breastfed you , your [foster] sisters frombreast-feeding, your wives’mothers, your step-daughters whoare in your care born of your wiveswith whom ye have lain—noprohibition if ye have not gone in,and (those who have been) wives ofyour sons who are of your loins;and that you should take together ُ ُآ ؤ . % و َ َ َHََ َhَ َ ا ُ[ِsَ َS A َ ء إ % َ ا ْBَ ََ 'Hِ َ ء Sَ ً و &ْ1 ً و (َ@ِ* َ7 َ َ ن ُ آ إ 'ًََِa"ِ َS(22 : )ا ء ُ ْ أ ُ ْ"َ َN ْk 8ُ*ُ !َْ 'َُ ُ َ َ َأ ْ و ُ %. و ُ َا ُ َََْ َ ت %. ْ و ُ ْ و ُ Nَ و َُH َ َُ )ََُ'َِkُْM ُ ا َ ت %. َخِ و M ا ََ ُ َ%َْuْ َر أ 6ِ 'a ُ ا ُ َأ و ُ !َْ 'ُِ(َN َu'8 َ ا َ َ َأ و ُ َا ُ ُ ُ ِv . َر ْ و ُ ِvwَ ِ ُ ! ت َأ و َََ 'ُُ ِآ ر ُ?ُ* 6ِ7 6ِ 'a ا ُ ِ!ِ. ُ&ْ َ َ د 6ِ 'a ُ ا ُ ِvwَ ' ُ&ْ َ َ ْ د ا 7َ ْ' ن Vُ ُ َِ ُ ْ"َ َN َ َ ح %ُ َaَ7 ' ِ!ِ.ْ ِ َ ِ; ُ ِv َ%. ُ أ ِvَaَ*َ و ' ُ ا َْْ ْ". ا ُ ) َأ ْ و ُ ِ.َaْ َ أ َ َن ََ َْْ? 1Some schools of jurisprudenc

A Handbook on Marriage WITH MARRIAGE CONTRACT AND MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE MONZER KAHF . 2----- AL MUHARRAM 1428 - JAN 2007 First edition, ISNA 1980. Second Edition, Electronic 2007 . 3 . marriage but Zakah can’t be given to help a person go for Hajj. 2. Selection of the SpouseFile Size: 626KB