Leonardo - CNM
LeonardoStudent Fine Arts and Literary JournalCentral New Mexico Community College20200
Student Fine Arts and Literary Journal Central New Mexico Community College Albuquerque, New Mexico 2020 Editorial StaffSteven ArchuletaBenjamin FowlerElaine BryanJoshuah Gurule-DuranMariah MartinezFaculty AdvisorsChris PrenticeCarly HarschlipBrian HudsonCover Image: “Liquidator” by Sebastian Duke, Acrylic Paint on Canvas1
AcknowledgmentsLeonardo is a display of diversity of culture and ideas. It is also anopportunity to show-off unabashedly who we are—a tight-knit communitywho values art for what it is and for how we may use it to redefineourselves. We want to thank everyone who submitted work for review.Although we have had to narrow down the submissions to suit the visionof this year’s issue, we applaud the learning and creativity of all of thisyear’s submissions. To those we have included in this issue, we hope youfind your work properly celebrated and presented.The Editorial StaffLeonardo 2020Not to sell, not to preach, not to win, but to share, to communicate, tocreate: that is why the artist makes, the writer writes, and it is why thewhole CNM community--faculty, staff, and students--comes together tomake Leonardo, year by year. Our part in the process is a privilege and a joy.We thank, first and foremost, the CNM Executive Council of Students,which has elected each year to generously fund this magazine, never mindthe trend in this country to cut the arts. Rare sagacity, indeed. We thank,too, our student editors, who have been energetic, purposeful, dedicated,and collaborative. It shows in these pages.Carly HarschlipChris PrenticeLeonardo Faculty Advisors 2
Table of ContentsFictionHow to Play the Harp StringsA Good CowboyKoiGavin BarreraM.M. OlguinJunko Featherston42234PoetryHerenciaIntrospectionLake ShrineAutumn in AlbuquerqueGravityCainInfamous IscariotMouthA Dream PantoumGhostsSushiLara AcostaKaitlynn LynchMatthew SanchezVenkat R NagaswamiSkyler BrownRayanne WhatleyMelanie WoodsEma BeckleyJené MontañoDavid RojasEmily St ke1213202021303133414243Creative Non-FictionSelling PopsiclesMy First Cell PhoneLinglan YuNoelle Rightley1444ArtworkUntitledNeo-HeritageThe Splendor of AutumnBeyond the PostFear of the UnknownUnheard and UnseenThe PhoenixStormy NightBelieve Me Thetans The CorvusEleyna MorrisAndrew RoibalSiv LimaryAbraham AssedNoell AldabaZachary SmithEileen Renee MoyaSamantha HoffmanHaruhian SakuraiBilly MahoneySarah Goldberg11131930323339404243493
How to Play the Harp StringsGavin Barrera1. Betting on KingsThe heart is a soft gambler, and itchooses who to bet on. My heart isthe kind that bets for a pair ofKings; in other words: It’s gay andby association, so am I.For the past few months, mynewly-healed gambler has beenbetting on Karter. A bet that bothwarms and terrifies me. Karter is justas much of a dork as I. That nerd istaking my chips. Karter and I areboth involved in theater, and ourinterests lie in the same nerdlyactivities. Karter is why Atlasbothers to hold the world; Karter iswhy the sun warms the air; Karter isa daily Christmas, but for a while Ididn’t know if he played at the sametable. This riddled me with thetermites of anxiety, for I was only250% sure he was bisexual; I couldonly be bold at 1000% certainty.Then came the weekly occurrence ofhis shining presence, and theendearing words of my friends cameto me.“Just go for it!”“I can totally see it!”“I bet he likes you back!”After blowing up my balloon ofcourage with these words, I decidedto ask him if he would join me in anight of glances and flirts. It was asunless Wednesday when I saw himagain at the school. He stoodoutside a classroom: beautiful as agolden rose. I made my way, shakily,up to him, but before I could openthe rubber lips of bravery, he askedme a question I did not expect.“What are you doing onSaturday?”This wasn’t part of the plan. I wasdestined to be the one asking abouthis weekend plans. My mouthmanaged to squeeze out asurprisingly stable:“Nothing. What are you doing onSaturday?”He looked me in the eye, makingmy heart hold its breath, and with aconfident nod he created thesecond-best creation of the Englishlanguage:“Seeing a movie with you.”And my heart screamed to thecasino of my ribs that drinks wereon him.2. Eros’ AgendaSaturday came both too fast yetnot fast enough. The few daysbetween were drenched inoverthinking and anxiety butwarmed with my heart’s gentle glowand dreams of his smile. Duringthose days we agreed to have adinner before the movie. I awokewith the sun and felt like a mountaintroll, both in grogginess andunpolished appearance.My heart faxed my brain today’sagenda: Wake Up, Laundry, Shower,Calm Your Nerves.I got out of bed, completely muteto the siren song of my blankets and4
pillow. I started picking my clothesoff the floor and into the laundrymachine (Whilst including the outfitthat was given the honor of beingworn tonight). As they tumbled andtossed so did my expectation.What was going to happen? Will Ibe so bold as to hold his hand? Ohgod what if it was a mere hangoutbetween friends? He never said itwas a date.Friends. a word once beautiful isdemonized by context and hisseslike a heart eating serpent. Though Ihope it’s a date, I shudder and mybones go cold with the idea that it’snot.Laundry and the termites ofanxiety that come with it.My next task was afoot and thus Ishowered. The hot water ran downmy body forming small rivers thateroded my fears. The steam rose upin a swirling dance; twirling into mylungs and warming my soul. Theshower is where all melts away: dirt,agitation, sweat, panic, odor, andsorrow. In this cleansing of mindand body, most of the dread ofrejection went into the drain. Iemerged as a calmed boy whoseheart beat for another.Shower and the drowning ofdoubtI’m a mere student in the art ofdating, yet the importance of thefirst wasn’t lost on me. I sat at myfaithful computer and I startedreading up on this foreign concept:“Dress in a manner that presentsyou like the rose curtains of areadied theater” I believe my outfitwill do well enough; A melding ofclass and cute.“Carry a delightful scent soembrace becomes the inception ofdesire” I pray lemon will have suchan effect.“Be the only thing you can be:You” Though we both lovedtheatre, I had no intention to be anactor tonight. I felt good, I had mydominoes in a straight line. But then:“Do not, and I repeat, do not go tothe movies” Crack! I was shattered.The evening is doomed, my heart ison death row, and I’m going tothrow myself upon a sword I gotfrom the ren fair. I felt the pestscreep back into me and gnaw at mybones with their sharp pinchers.They must have found their way outof the shower drain.But then, I thought about the wayhe looked at me when he asked methat blessed inquiry. How his pearlsshined into mine. I felt the skeletaltermites inside me metamorphosizeinto crimson butterflies thatfluttered into my stomach. My hearthas now regained control over mybody.Turn the clicking on pinchers intothe flapping of wingsI looked at myself in the mirror,perfected my hair and teeth. I thenexited my apartment and left stressat the door.5
3. Love’s Warmth in Night’sBitter ColdI pulled my car up to therestaurant: Red Robins. Throughstudy, I concluded he liked burgersand so I chose this place. It alsodidn’t hurt that it was so close to thetheater. I stared out of mywindshield in contemplation.Is this all really happening? Howhave I been deemed worthy enoughto share a meal with Karter? What acruel joke it will be to wake up fromthis dream.Then my phone vibrated. I lookedinto its screen and saw the name ofmy heart’s target: Karter.He’s calling off the date! He diedand is texting me from the afterlife!He’s messaging to tell me he hatesme! He turned into a bat and flew toGermany!My face twisted in fear as I readthe words:“Just got out of work! I’ll be thereby 6:00!”I felt both relief and disbelief ofmy paranoia. I was more mad atmyself than I was at it being 4:55.After wasting my newfound timescrolling through Reddit, taking inwords and not reading a single one, Isaw his car drive up. That whitechariot of world-destroying fuel, thatsnowy vessel of angels, that car thatcarried Karter. Suddenly I startedfreaking out:Don’t park next to me!Don’t Park Next To Me!DON’T PARK NEXT TO ME!DON‘T PARK NEXTTO ME!He didn’t park next to me.Why did I feel as if him parkingnext to me will kill me: I had not theslightest idea. But I did know thatthe game has begun. I looked at mycar's convenient clock: 4:35. Ithought about my first move: I wasgoing to get out of my car at 4:40and act as if I just got here.As it counted down to 4:40, Iwondered what he was doing. Is hegetting as ready as he can be afterjust getting out of work? If so, thenI’m amazed he can do quickly whattook me all day to do.The time came, but I felt myselffreeze. I knew he’d see me but notwhat seeing me will make him do.There’s no way I can get out rightnow in such a solid state! I pushedthe dive to 4:45. The time of 4:45came too quickly, my muscles onlyjust figured out their job again. Itwasn’t until 4:47 that I began tomove, my mind was blank so as notto scare my body into a coma.Grab the handle; I grabbed thehandle.Pull the handle; I pulled thehandle.Open the door, I opened the doorand was met with a cold slap of air.I knew there was no turning backnow. I started walking to therestaurant, my neck never felt sostiff as I dared not look back. I wentup to the front of the restaurant andsat at a bench. Though I had no6
source, I knew I had to meet himout here and not inside. Tonighthappened to be a night whereAutumn flirted with Winter, and soit was bitter cold. I held backshivering, if he saw me shivering outhere then he’d know how much hemeans to me and I’d have no morecards to play.I unsheathed my phone to distractmyself from how cold I was. Thejokes and pictures, that usuallyhumored me, shined through myeyes and bounced back out; leavingnothing behind but at least I lookedoccupied.I sat in frigid anticipation on theestablishment’s porch for 15minutes. My body was aching fromfighting the urge to shiver. What feltlike the precipice of hypothermiateased the idea of impatience. Whatis taking him so long? But I shut thatthought down as soon as I conjuredit. Impatience isn’t going to get meanywhere.Every time someone walked up tothe restaurant my heart skipped abeat. Is this him? No. Is this him?No. Until finally, it was him.Karter’s hair was like a curly cloudof brown. Oh, how my fingersitched to go run through it like afield of wheat. His beard was amagnificent continuation of hisscalp's creation. The beard had aclearing where his summer smilestood. He was wearing a lovely greysweater with a geometric design ofdiamonds. He walked up with hishands in his pockets, and with anearth quaking chuckle he said:“Hey! What’s up!”I was so happy to see him. Iwasn’t nervous nor was I anxious. Ifelt like I’ve known him for myentire life yet I only just met him thissummer.We walked towards each other, andmy heart usurped control of myarms and opened them for anembrace. He opened his and wehugged. I forgot what feeling badwas like. My fears, anxieties, andinsecurities were suffocated. I felt asif flowers bloomed from my chest.In the cold of night I never feltwarmer.4. A Dance of ElbowsThe dinner was the best kind ofstupid. We talked about all kinds ofthings from Magic the Gathering towhatever Campfire Ranch was. I wasso shocked by how natural it all felt,it didn’t feel like a game of chesswith pawns of flirtation and bishopsof eye contact. There isn’t much tobe said besides the ending.Karter, that son of a bitch, paidfor our food. I vowed revenge; if wego on another date I’m going to paythe hell out of our food. But Iremembered that I had a card up mysleeve:“I already pre bought out tickets”During the week, I selected thebest seats in the theater: the middleand then slightly forward. Heshowed just as much enthusiasm for7
the seat choice as I had. We havemany similarities like that:We like the same breath mint. Wehave the same favorite Studio Ghiblifilm. We both collect Blu Rays ofmovies we love. We both loved theCampfire Ranch.We decided that instead of drivingto the theater, we should walk theretogether. Our conversationscontinued as we walked across thelarge parking lot. Side by side, and itfelt perfect. The night’s cold didn’tfaze me, my mind could only thinkabout talking to him.We sat down in the theater andstarted watching the film. The filmwas one of the best movies of theyear but my mind was on my elbow.For his and mine shared the samerest.I pictured our elbows touching,then our wrists, and then our handswill hold. That was the new plan.Our elbows walked the line oftouching and not touching and everytime they weren’t touching my mindwould scream:“Oh shit, this is just a hangoutbetween friends! Get the sword!”Our elbows touched: Yes. Ourelbows parted a few minutes later:No. Our elbows reunited: Yes! Ourelbows separated: No!Yes!No!Yes!N- Yes!Then the movie ended. Duringit we laughed together, almost criedtogether, but alas our hands neverjoined and the leather never felt socold. But I got to hear him laugh.His laugh is so unique and though itmight be loud for some, it has to bethat way to go through me andswaddle my heart.5. The Disintegration of RedRobin’s Parking LotOn our journey through theparking lot, we talked about themovie but I never wanted the walkto end. I wanted to keep walkinguntil we hit Mexico. The ending ofthis night was something I didn’twant to come.We reached his car and I suppose hewasn’t excited for it to end becausehe said:“Do you want to keep talking?”“I sure do!”He reached into his car and pulleda better jacket out and put it on. Mybrain suddenly remembered howcold it actually was, but before Icould even breath out a mist offrozen air, he wrapped me in ablanket.He wrapped me in a blanket! Notthat I needed it with the thoughtalone heating me. We leaned againstthe front of his car as if we were analbum cover. The talking continuedfor what must have been an hourbut I couldn’t even tell.But then came the dreaded“Alright, well-” that brought thetime of my life to an end. It painedme to even begin saying goodbye.The goodbyes brought the cold8
back. We had a long hug and as Ibegan to leave my heart burst out:“DO SOMETHINGPHYSICAL!”My heart grabbed my confusedarm and it. gave him a pat on hishead. Though I got to touch hishair, it was still lame and weird. Welaughed about it but that didn’t helpthe awkwardness I felt, the termitescoming back.I went to my car and put the leftover concessions inside.Though I had fun, I still wasn’tsure if this was a date or not. Now itmay seem obvious it was but notenough to keep doubt at bay for me.I started thinking about how myfriends would react:“What do you mean you still don’tknow?”“That’s it? That’s what all this hasbeen building to?”“That’s ok, maybe next time.”But it was anything but ok. Ilooked at the seat of my car, thechoice of going about still uncertain;and then I looked at Karter’svehicle. I don’t know what tookover me but I just started walkingtowards his car. The car came to lifeand the headlights ignited. I startedto run, I didn’t know what I wasgoing to do or say but I knew I wasgoing to die if I didn’t. I made it tohis car and knocked on his window.As it rolled down, I realized I stilldidn’t know what to say. He gaveme a friendly-as-always “Hey!”“Hey, uh” I felt my mouth stutterout the question: “Was this, uh, justa hangout between. buds-” Buds?“or was this. uh. Something else?”Something else? Does he even knowwhat I’m asking?!“Ok, can I talk to you?”Here it is: here’s the part where herejects me. The part where he tellsme he’s straight. The part where myheart will cleave in two like a marblestatue and it’ll take months torecover. The one thing that couldpossibly ruin this night.“Yeah, of course” Despite myheart bracing for impact, that cameout quite naturally.He opened the car and thetermites of anxiety came back tochew at my legs and stomach. Theygnawed and bit and stung as hestood up. Maybe he will make it lesspainful and just stab me to death.He took a deep breath and it felt likehe was loading a shotgun. He aimedat me and said:“I’m not sure either. But I don’tthink it was just a hangout.”My heart lowered its shield.“I do- don't think it was either.”“I was too nervous to ask. but Iwas hoping it was a date.”My heart softened but onlyhalfway in preparation for the deadly“but.” He was as unsure as I was?“I was hoping it was one too.”“The thing is.”I tensed up, I felt everythingstiffen as if I gazed into Medusa's9
eyes. I instigated this talk so Ideserve whatever I have coming.“I’m bisexual and. I think you’rereally cute. I’ve just never been witha guy before. I have no idea whatI’m doing”I am absolutely melted inside butthere’s no time for that. I need toreassure him.“Nobody knows what they’redoing. Don’t worry about it. I- Ithink you’re really cute too.” Thenmy mouth kept going “I’ve actuallybeen kinda crushing on you for awhile.” I needed to stop. But beforeI can kick myself he smiled and. Heblushed.I’ve said previously that he createdthe second-best creation of theEnglish language; well he took abreath before creating the best of all:“I don’t want you to just be anexperiment.”This sentence will stick with meforever as the sweetest thing I’veever heard. I will hold onto it andtreasure it until I die. Which mightbe soon based on the hit my heartjust took. His bearded lips began toform another sentence. I had to holdmy molten form together to hear it.“I mean the only time I’ve kissed aguy was when I was drunk!”I’m not a bold person in my dayto day. As we’ve seen today, I’ve letthe bugs chew on me again andagain, and my whole life has beenlike that. But now wasn’t the timefor overthinking, now wasn’t thetime for anxiety, now was the timefor boldness. My mind conjured upa sentence that’ll get what I didn’teven think possible to happen. Mylungs loaded the sentence into myvocal cords, and I aimed my eyes athis:“Do you want to kiss a guy whilesober?”Bang.“Are you. okay with that?”“More than okay.”We each took steps to each otherand with each one time slowed. Heclosed his eyes, and I did the same.In the darkness of anticipation waswhen it happened.I kissed Karter and Karter kissedI.I felt everything around medisappear, everything except him.The car was gone, the street belowwas gone and left me floating, andmy anxieties were cooled by a gentlesnow. The butterflies inside meturned to rose pedals, and theydrifted around inside me in a slowvortex. He put his hand on mycheek as I wrapped my arms aroundhim. He wasn’t holding me and Iwasn’t holding him: we were holdingand melting each other. Nothingmattered but the two of us floatingon Cupid's wing.That’s what it feels like when yourheart goes all in.That’s what makes the worlddisappear.That’s how you play the harpstrings.10
6. EpilogueAfter the heart’s concert. We saidour real goodbyes, our “See youWednesday!” and the promise of asequel was made.I walked to my car, trying myhardest not to skip like a goat. I satdown and exhaled, filling the carwith weightless rose pedals from mymouth. I then started laughing, andthis laugh wasn’t from a joke butfrom love’s springtime madness. Idrove home, hoping I wouldn’t getpulled over for driving under theinfluence of Aphrodite’s liquor.When I got back to my apartment,I felt my heart beat a liquid rhythmand it flowed down to my feet andrise to my knees. I knew there wasonly one thing I could do to keepmyself from drowning: I danced. Ihad no music except for the druminside, and it made me dance likeleaves in the wind.I’ve been hungover ever since.Untitled Eleyna Morris 11
HerenciaLara AcostaHijo, no te pierdas en las etiquetas,Ni te definas por los estereotipos,Ni te niegues de las nuevasexperiencias,Ni te fijes en el grosor de los libros.Son, don't get lost in labels,Don't be defined by stereoty
Leonardo 2020 Not to sell, not to preach, not to win, but to share, to communicate, to create: that is why the artist makes, the writer writes, and it is why the whole CNM community--faculty, staff, and students--comes together to make Leonardo, year by year. Our part in the process is a privilege and a joy.
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Assessment Report Page 1 of 7 Last Revised 8/2018 CNM ANNUAL STUDENT LEARNING ASSESSMENT REPORT Due to the Student Academic Assessment Committee by October 15 PART 1: REPORT INFORMATION Report Year and Contact Information 2017-2018 Chu Jong cjong@cnm.edu 52704 Academic Year Contact Person CNM Email CNM Office Extension .
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Informational Black Holes in Financial Markets Ulf Axelson Igor Makarov April 2020 ABSTRACT We study how well primary nancial markets allocate capital when information about in-vestment opportunities is dispersed across market participants. Paradoxically, the fact that information is valuable for real investment decisions destroys the e ciency of the market. To add to the paradox, as the .
