An Introduction To The Skills Of Crucial Conversations - CAGC

An Introduction to the Skills of Crucial Conversations What happens if you become more competent and confident in leading and responding to difficult conversations?

Dialogue “At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information.”

Objectives 1. Understand the opportunity created by “Crucial Conversations” 2. Recognize & self-manage emotions during difficult conversations 3. Demonstrate skills needed to create & maintain psychological safety & mutual respect 4. Lead “Crucial Conversations” that result in interpersonal connection & growth What are your personal objectives? Page 2

Crucial Conversations What is a Crucial Conversation? Page 2

Crucial Conversations How would you describe the nature of these conversations? When you think of conversations like this, what might you need to prepare for? Page 2

Prerequisites for Success Using the chart at the top of page 3, record what you believe to be prerequisites for a successful Crucial Conversation. Page 3

Prerequisites for Success Order your list according to the level of importance for your success. Page 3

Crucial Conversations What are examples of conversations that, if handled well, would make your life better and improve your results? Page 4

Crucial Conversations Pick one you’d like to advance through applying the content of today’s workshop. Page 4

Crucial Conversations As you consider this instance, is it a Content, Pattern, or Relationship Issue? Page 4

Dialogue: The Goal “When it comes to risky, controversial, & emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information out in the open. That’s it. At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information.” Crucial Conversations Page 4

Crucial Conversations Poll Question: Does the conversation you picked fit into one of these categories? Broken Rules Mistakes Lack of Support Incompetence Poor Teamwork Disrespect Micromanagement

Dialogue: The Goal “It’s difficult or impossible to confront” Incompetence 56% of Physicians 72% of Nurses & ClinicalCare Providers Poor Teamwork 78% of Nurses & ClinicalCare Providers Disrespect or Abuse 59% of Nurses & ClinicalCare Providers

Crucial Conversations Dialogue Pool of Shared Meaning Front Cover

Crucial Conversations LEFT-HAND Column RIGHT-HAND Column what was actually said From my experience and perspective, I believe we should consider additional options. Chris Argyris

Crucial Conversations LEFT-HAND Column RIGHT-HAND Column what you really wanted to say what was actually said Do you REALLY think that’s best? You only want this option because it is most convenient for you. From my experience and perspective, I believe we should consider additional options. Chris Argyis

Crucial Conversations 1. Start with the Heart Look inward & stay focused on what you really want What do I really want? For myself? For others? For the relationship? I will I behave if this is what I really want? Page 5

Motives of Dialogue Learn Find the truth Produce results Strengthen relationships Collaborate Be right / win Look good / Save face Vent frustration or anger Punish / blame Avoid conflict

Application Use page 10 to begin creating your application plan. Page 10

Crucial Conversations 2. Learn to Look Notice when Safety is at risk Can I recognize the content & conditions of Safety? Can I see “Safety Cues” in others? in myself? Page 5

Crucial Conversations What are Crucial Conversations you need to have in the near future? Safety Dialogue Pool of Shared Meaning Safety Front Cover

Typical Responses to Conflict Lencioni’s Conflict Continuum Artificial Harmony Ideal Conflict Point Personal Attacks Patrick Lencioni

Crucial Conversations 2. Learn to Look Notice when Safety is at risk Can you recognizes signs of Silence? Masking Avoiding Withdrawing Can you recognize signs of Violence? Controlling Labeling Attacking Page 5

Page 5

Application Continue creating your application plan on page 10. Page 10

Crucial Conversations 3. Make It Safe Qualify to talk about almost anything Do others believe I care about them & their goals? Are my motives & intent trusted? Have I violated respect? Should I state what “I do not” & “I do” intend? How can I establish Mutual Purpose & Respect? Page 6

Make It Safe 1. If appropriate, apologize. “The sincere expression of your sorrow can often deescalate a situation and give others respect and confidence that it is safe to return to dialogue.” Page 6

Make It Safe 2. If misunderstood, use Contrasting. “I do not ; I do .” “I do not intend to irritate you; I do intend to ensure we keep everyone as safe as possible.” Page 6

Make It Safe 3. If at cross-purposes, use C.R.I.B. Commit to see Mutual Purpose Recognize purpose behind strategy Invent a Mutual Purpose Brainstorm new strategies Page 6

Application Continue creating your application plan on page 10. Page 10

Crucial Conversations 4. Master My Stories Stay in Dialogue Should I retrace my Path to Action? Am I believing a Clever Story? Should I rewrite my Story? Am I jumping to assumptions? Page 7

Path to Action See & Hear Tell a Story Feel Act Victim Villain Helpless Clever Stories Page 7

Crucial Conversations 4. Master My Stories Stay in Dialogue Should I retrace my Path to Action? Am I believing a Clever Story? Should I rewrite my Story? Am I jumping to assumptions? Page 7

Crucial Conversations What are common examples of Paths to Action? See & Hear Tell a Story Feel Act

Application Continue creating your application plan on page 11. Page 11

Crucial Conversations 5. STATE My Path Speak persuasively, not abrasively How can I share my facts & encourage the same? How can I make it Safe for others to challenge me & present opposing views? Am I thinking I am the only one who is right? Page 8

STATE My Path Share your facts Tell your story Ask for others’ Paths Talk tentatively Encourage testing “What” Skills “How” Skills Page 8

STATE My Path What is a Fact? Story? Ask? You slammed your hands down on the table. This caused me to think you were angry and frustrated, and so I’ve been avoiding you. What else should I have thought?

STATE My Path What is a Fact? Story? Ask? You were late for the meeting, and didn’t followed up on what you missed. Because it was planned so far in advance I took it that you were no longer committed to the team. What am I seeing wrong or failing to see?

STATE My Path Share your Facts Tell your story Ask others’ Paths I noticed I’m starting to think What am I missing I saw It seems to me that Help me understand I heard I am wondering if What happened

Application Continue creating your application plan on page 11. Page 11

Crucial Conversations What are Crucial Conversations you Me to have in need the near future? See & Hear Tell a Story Victim Villain Helpless Feel Act Silence Safety Others Dialogue Pool of Shared Meaning Safety Violence Act Feel Tell a Story See & Hear Victim Villain Helpless

Crucial Conversations 6. Explore Other’s Paths Listening, not blowing up or calming up What questions can I ask to get them to dialogue? How can I describe what I am experiencing? What can we agree on? How can I build from our agreements to compare our differences? Page 8

Explore Others’ Paths Ask to get things rolling Express genuine interest Mirror to confirm feelings Describe what you see Paraphrase to acknowledge their Story Restate in your own words Prime when you are getting nowhere Ask if your perceptions are correct Pages 8 - 9

Explore Others’ Paths Ask to get things rolling Mirror to confirm feelings Paraphrase to acknowledge their Story Prime when you are getting nowhere Pages 8 - 9

Explore Others’ Paths But what if we disagree? Page 9

Application Continue creating your application plan on page 11. Page 11

Crucial Conversations 7. Move to Action Achieving action & results Who will be involved in decision making, and why? What conclusions, decisions and assignments have been made? Who is doing what by when? Page 9

Crucial Conversations What? Why? How? Who? When? Where? How will decisions be made? Command Consult Vote Consensus “Who does what by when?” Page 9

Application Continue creating your application plan on page 11. Page 11

Application Take the opportunity to practice your upcoming conversation with a partner. 1. Create safety for each other. 2. Decide who goes 1st and give context to the conversation with clues for how you would like them to interact with you. 3. Role play! 4. Ask for feedback!

Application Consider the application planner when preparing for your next Cruical Conversation, and evaluating “in the moment” conversations. Pages 10 - 12

Crucial Conversations Page 1

Crucial Conversations What are Crucial Conversations you Me to have in need the near future? See & Hear Tell a Story Victim Villain Helpless Feel Act Silence Safety Others Dialogue Pool of Shared Meaning Safety Violence Act Feel Tell a Story See & Hear Victim Villain Helpless

An Introduction to the Skills of Crucial Conversations Questions? Insights?

1. Understand the opportunity created by "Crucial Conversations" 2. Recognize & self-manage emotions during difficult conversations 3. Demonstrate skills needed to create & maintain psychological safety & mutual respect 4. Lead "Crucial Conversations" that result in interpersonal connection & growth What are your personal objectives? Page 2