My Dignity - Insight Exchange
MY DIGNITYMY BODY IS MINE““Just because I couldn’t stop itdoesn’t mean I let it happen.A resource for people who have experienced sexualisedviolence or people who would like to learn more.*Contains examples of violence and abuse. 2020 DVSM Insight Exchange
The purpose of this resource:Not all cultures, communities or organisations arecomfortable to talk about sex.Not all cultures, communities or organisations arecomfortable to talk about violence and abuse.If you or your children, or theperson you are supporting arein immediate danger, pleasecontact thePolice on Triple Zero (000)Both of these ‘taboos’ can add to the barriers anddifficulties in seeking support or talking to anyone atall about sexualised violence and abuse.Sexualised violence is often perpetrated by thepeople we know and may love or live with, andsometimes the people we love most which can bevery painful and complex to make sense of and to talkabout. Victims of sexualised violence often feelconfusion, disgust, horror, betrayal, self-blame,shame and profound distress when a family memberor partner chooses to exploit their close relationshipto perpetrate sexualised violence.Social and cultural expectations can make sayingsomething to anyone even more difficult.Whether you tell someone now, later or ever, it isyour right to have access to information andresources that support your making of the violenceand abuse used against you.This resource is for any person in any community ororganisation who may be experiencing, or hasexperienced, sexualised violence, and for anyone whomay be responding.SupportsPlease note My Dignity is aresource not a serviceresponse.A range of supports andresources are listed in thisresource.
doesn’t seem so.Other people, even people I love or people I livewith use my body for their pleasure or theirpower.I don’t like to talk about it but I would like totalk about it with the right person.I don’t know how to talk about it in a way thatwill ensure I am treated with respect by thepeople I tell.I'm not sure who to trust but pretty sureabout who not to trust.““My body is mine. But sometimes itI have to figure out what’s next to avoid,reduce, escape, stop the violence.So, I want to know more [Voice of a victim of violence]
National, state andterritory definitions ofdomestic and familyviolence and criminalcodes vary, howeverviolence and abuse isnever acceptable in anycommunity, family,institution, place orcontext.LanguageThroughout this resource we use the word: ‘Victim’ to refer to a person who is being orhas been wrongly harmed, not as an identityterm. ‘Perpetrator’ to refer to a person who iswrongly harming or has harmed others, notas an identity term.Throughout this resource we use these termsfor the purposes explained below: ‘Violence’ is used to encompass a range ofoppressive, abusive, controlling,undermining and overpowering behaviours. ‘Sexualised violence’ is used instead of‘sexual violence’ or ‘sexual assault/abuse’(unless using a quote) because thebehaviours these terms refer to are a formof ‘violence and abuse’ not a form of ‘sex’.Our intention is to draw attention to theviolence and abuse with out the use of themutualising term ‘sexual or sex’. ‘Resistance to violence’ is used to describeand acknowledge the myriad ways victims ofviolence try to create safety and uphold theirdignity while being oppressed, assaulted, orabused.
DignityDignity is central inour day-to-day livesand in everyinteraction.People die fordignity. They have forcenturies.Decisions aboutsafety are not alwaysseparate from orsuperior to dignity.“Socially we are protecting one another's dignityand we are really good at it. All forms of violence area humiliation of dignity and the perpetrator of abuseis often not the person who will restore dignity tothe victim. They are not going to get an adequateapology. They are not going to get an adequateacknowledgement. And that is where we all come in.Our job is to uphold the dignity of the person. Oneof the things we don’t do is go to advice giving.When we go to advice giving, we are saying theperson is not already competent enough to havethought of that themselves, and so advice giving is ahumiliation of dignity.So we have to be careful about our practices. So adignifying practice instead of advice giving, is to ask– ‘Wow, that’s a hard situation, how did yourespond? What did you do?’ Then we begin to learnabout their pre-existing competency, their preexisting skill and awareness, their pre-existingefforts to be safe. We tap into their pre-existingdignity, spirituality, capacity. That’s what we arelooking for. That is the flame of dignity. That’s whatwe want to uphold.”Centre for Response-Based Practice
CONTENTMy Dignity contains chapters of information for awareness and reflection.These chapters can be read in any order.What is ‘sexualised violence’?p07Does what they are doing to me count as sexualised violence?p09What about all the ways I tried to say no and to make it stop?p12How complicated is consent? Is consent one decision or many?p18Does it count as sexualised violence if it’s my partner or family?P21Is it just me who feels confused about what is being done to me?p25What about sexualised violence against children?p31Is it just me, or are there a lot of harmful attitudes and judgements aboutsexualised violence?p33What supports are available to me? Who can I talk to?p37What if I choose to make a report, or seek forensic medical evidence or aclaim?p43Reflections for responders: “Are you ready to respond safely if I share withyou?”P47References, acknowledgment and thanksP53
Sexualised violence isa form of ‘violence’not a form of ‘sex’.What is‘sexualisedviolence’?[Voice of a victim of violence]
Sexualised violence is a form of ‘violence’not a form of ‘sex’.Sexualised violence always involves the use and abuseof power. The perpetrator ignores the need for consentand suppresses the resistance of the victim. Theperpetrator uses a range of tactics such as direct andindirect, subtle and psychological, forceful and physicalbehaviours.Why not call it ‘sexual violence’?Sexualised violence has nothing to do with affectionate,erotic or romantic sexual relations between activelyconsenting adults (Coates & Wade, 2004).On the contrary, active consent has been described as amutual and voluntary “whole-of-body” (verbal, physicaland emotional) expression which communicates anenthusiastic, honest, conscious, voluntary, sober andongoing agreement to participate in sexual activitiesbetween adults over the age of 16 years (Project Respect,2020).Silence or the absence of verbal or physical resistance tosexual activities does not indicate active consent (ProjectRespect, 2020).Because of the way a perpetrator uses forms of powerover, and violence against a victim, the absence of overtor obvious defiance does not equal consent. Resistance toviolence and abuse is often quiet and completelyconcealed.*The age of consent to sexual activities inNSW is 16 however the age of consent canvary in state and territories, andinternationally. For example the age ofconsent is 17 years in South Australia andTasmania.You can read more about the age of consentlaws on the Australian Institute for FamilyStudies nsent-lawsBACK TO CONTENTS PAGE
Sexualised violenceencompasses allbehaviours used by aperpetrator to threaten,coerce, violate, or force thetargeted person (victim)into sexualised activity.Does what they aredoing to me countas sexualisedviolence?[Voice of a victim of violence]A perpetrator’s tactics caninclude other forms ofcoercive control, violenceand abuse.
Sexualised violence encompasses allbehaviours used by a perpetrator to threaten,coerce, violate, or force the targeted person(victim) into sexualised activity.These behaviours include, but are not limited to: Forcing genital contact. Forcing contact with the perpetrator’s mouth. Vaginal, anal or oral penetration by a penis,finger or any other object. Groping the victim’s breasts, genitals or buttocks. Reproductive coercion or abuse (when a womanis stopped from making her own choices abouther reproductive system. The reproductivesystem includes the parts and functions of thebody involved in the menstrual cycle, sex andsexual pleasure, pregnancy and birth.) Moreabout Reproductive abuse on 1800 abuse/reproductive-abuse/ Voyeurism – for example, the perpetratorwatches the victim in intimate locations such astheir bedroom or bathroom through hiddenvideo-cameras, or through a window/door. Exhibitionism – for example, the perpetratorexposes their genitals to the victim. Forcing the victim to watch or involve the victimin pornography. Forced use of intoxicants to minimise thevictim’s resistance to sexualised violence orexploiting the victim’s use of alcohol and otherdrugs to commit sexualised violence. Sexualised harassment including intrusiveverbal comments or sexualised body language.(Royal Commission into InstitutionalResponses to Child Sexual Abuse, 2017).Perpetrators of sexualised violence often usephysical force to constrain the resistance ofvictims. This often includes the use of: objects and restraints non-fatal strangulation* suffocation physical assaults to the victim’s head, neckand faceThese physical assaults can (in one assault or acombination of assaults) develop into acquiredbrain injuries, other serious life-changing injuriesand death.* Note: A person may use words other than‘strangulation’ or ‘suffocation’ to describe theseassaults. For example: gagging, choking/chokingduring sex, ‘breath-play’ (erotic asphyxiation),‘rough sex’. Some of these terms can bemutualising and conceal the violent and abusivenature of the behaviour).
A perpetrator’s tactics can also include, although are notlimited to:It is through thelens of coercivecontrol thatperpetration ofsexualised assaultin the context ofdomestic andfamily violence,can be most clearlyunderstood.(Hill, 2019) emotionally abusive tactics (humiliation, degradation anddehumanisation), financial abuse, isolating the victim from their supports including from health andhuman services, making threats to harm a victim or someone close to thevictim/survivor, threatening to ‘out’ a partner’s identity as LGBTIQ or to disclose HIVstatus without the victim/survivors consent, perpetration of physical assaults (including non-fatal strangulation,suffocation and head injuries)*, verbal abuse, undermining the victim’s sense of reality (gaslighting), online-harassment, stalking, surveillance and control of victim’smovements, kidnapping or deprivation of liberty, damage to property, and the manipulative use of children to control partner/family members(NSW Government, 2014).* Note: A person may use more plain language descriptions for wordslike ‘strangulation’ or ‘suffocation’ to describe assaults. For example:“choked me”; “pressed me up against.”; “held me by the neck”;“squeezed my neck”; “hands around my neck”; “had me in a chokehold”; “throttled me”; “sat/ lay on top of me/on my chest”; “pinned medown”; “smothered me”; “gagged me”; “tried to drown me”. (DVSMDFV/ABI Project Report, 2018)
Perpetratorsanticipate, suppressand overpowerresistance.What about all theways I tried to sayno and to make itstop?[Voice of a victim of violence]Whenever people aresubjected to violence,they resist.
Resistance to violence is: Any action (mental, emotional,spiritual, physical) that opposesthe violence, attempts to limit itsaffects, and attempts to maximisesafety. Rarely successful in stopping theperpetrator violence, butimportant in creating safety andupholding dignity. Usually covert and prudent.Perpetrators anticipate, suppress andoverpower resistance.Whenever people are subjected toviolence, they resist.People resist violenceand abuse overtly andcovertly in creative,resourceful, careful,clever, cautious ways touphold their dignityand stay safe.And to protect thepeople they love.
Examples of victims’ resistance to violence and abuseEvery time he visits to see thekids, he sexually assaults me. Ican’t stop the violence, but nowI am refusing to take my braoff in each and every assault.I have beenself-harming so that theperpetrator would reducethe degree of sexualisedviolence as he didn't like thelook of my self harm marks.looking at my eyes in thepainting and mentallyreminding myself I have eyesand I can see you abusing me.My partner has repeatedly rapedme, so I resist byrefusing to take care of mypersonal hygiene to makemyself as unclean as possibleto protect myself.““Night after night I cried after ‘sex’.During ‘sex’ there was a paintingof us both displayed in ourbedroom. I would look at thepainting at the time and,
Whenever people are subjected toviolence, they resist. It can be in arange of ways and the examples inthis chapter are different and notconclusive.Sometimes the acts of resistanceby a victim of violence are hiddenor only in the privacy of thevictim’s mind because that is theonly safe response at the time.The victim of violence knows thecontext they are in and they arealso mindful of consequences offurther danger, violence and abusethat may occur in response to howthey resist and respond.On the following page you can read anaccount of sexualised violence whichhighlights the importance of resistance andresponses to violence as part of the factpattern. The account is an excerpt (Account03, page 8) from The Fact Pattern resource,a summary of the work of Dr Linda Coatesand Dr Allan Wade from the Masterclass onLanguage and Violence hosted in theLanguage Lab on www.insightexchange.net
An accountMrs. Smith reminded him to take out thegarbage. He began yelling at her. She wentquiet and started to walk out of the room. Hecalled her denigrating names. She told him notto talk to her that way. Mr. Smith lost control.He grabbed her. She pulled back. Hetightened his grip and yanked her toward him.She twisted to try to get away. He grabbedher around the waist and forced her off theground. She kicked her legs and threw herweight backwards. He dragged her into thebedroom and threw her onto the bed.As soon as she landed, she rolled over andmoved to the head of the bed to try to get offthe bed. He grabbed her by the hair and armand wrenched her over. She grabbed the edgeof the bed. He jerked her down the bedtoward him. He pinned her on the bed withthe weight of his body. She tried to breathe.He grabbed her face. She tried to turn away.He forced his tongue into her mouth. Sheconcentrated on not gagging because sheknew he would hurt her worse. He yankedher skirt up. She went quiet. He raped her.She went elsewhere in her mind.This account clearly shows that thevictim resisted the violenceincluding the sexualised violence,and the perpetrator of violenceanticipated, suppressed andoverpowered the victim’s resistanceto violence.Analysis of this accountHis deliberateness isevident in how heoverpowers her resistanceResistance to violence ispresent in the accountNote the false representation of Mr.Smith's violence - “Lost control” - as ifno intent. This representation concealsthe violence and/or obscures theresponsibility through the falserepresentation of intention.
MoreinformationIDENTIFYING ANDHONOURING RESISTANCEThis Insight Exchange video explores examples of resistanceand responses to violence.“Where do you get the spirit to fight back in so many extraordinary ways?”“How about you journal all the ways you responded to the violence youendured and she did so exploring all of her myriad, multiple,extraordinary, dignified, painful, awful, beautiful forms of resistance ”Dr Allan WadeFollow this link to view video 07:Identifying and Honouring Resistance (5:23 mins)www.insightexchange.net hosts short and long form videosto build awareness and understanding of violence.BACK TO CONTENTS PAGE
Consent is somethingwe are alwaysnegotiating, and sooften without words.How complicated isconsent?Is consent onedecision or many?[Voice of a victim of violence]
Consent issomething we arealways negotiating,and so oftenwithout words.An example: A kissWhen we think about the act of kissing, how do we coordinate that? eye contact, holding eye contact, but in a particular way, not a ‘deathstare’ or a look of indignation then maybe moving a little closerphysically, then checking, noticing if the other person remainscomfortable more eye contact, a leaning toward the other and if it’sreciprocated a leaning toward each other, then perhaps a tilting ofheads, coordinating speed and movement to avoid crashing of heads andthe chipping of teeth, perhaps some ongoing realignment of faces andbodies, a continuous loop of awareness, assessment and action ininteraction to ensure balance and posture as we move closer and thenperhaps lips coming together often without words .and at eachmoment in this interaction there is a mutual and coordinated effort.Then once lips meet both people have to decide is this just a friendly kissor a more romantic kiss . and if one opens their mouth just a little howdoes the other respond? If by tightening their mouth and tensing theirshoulders, well that is a clear form of saying no to a romantic kiss. oftenwithout words but if the person who wanted the more romantic kiss'ignores this communication, and forcefully holds their mouth to theother person’s and forces their tongue in, this is no longer a ‘kiss’ (of anykind) but an assault.Instead of moving the kiss back to where the person is signallingconsent, the initiator has overpowered the mutual act of ‘kissing’ andhijacked the kiss changing it into a unilateral act of assault.A kissThere are many micro moments of active consent happening with just akiss. Now think about something like sexual intercourse and all themoment by moment coordination that takes, and that people do that allthe time. We can each start with a mutual feeling and ‘we can agree tohave sex’, ‘we can want to have sex’, we can be ‘hoping to have sex’, butthe moment that open and active consent stops that’s not sex.Centre for Response-Based Practice
MoreinformationCONSENTThis Insight Exchange video explores the distinctionbetween consent and violence/abuse.“If you hit someone with a frying pan we don't call thatcooking, if you assault someone on their genitals wedon't call that sex"Follow this link to view video 08: Consent versus Violence (8 mins)www.insightexchange.net hosts short and long form videosto build awareness and understanding of violence.BACK TO CONTENTS PAGE
Does it count assexualised violenceif the personviolating me is mypartner or family?[Voice of a victim of violence]Sexualised violence isfrequentlyperpetrated bycurrent and formerpartners and familymembers in thecontext of domesticand family violence.
Sexualised violence is frequentlyperpetrated by current and former partnersand family members in the context ofdomestic and family violence.[AIHW, 2019]What is Domestic and Family Violence (DFV)?Domestic and family violence includes anybehaviour, in an intimate or family relationship,which is violent, threatening, coercive or controlling,causing a person to live in fear and to be made to dothings against their will. DFV can happen to anyoneand can take many forms. It is often part of apattern of controlling or coercive behaviour.An intimate relationship refers to people who are(or have been) in an intimate partnership whetheror not the relationship involves or has involved asexual relationship, i.e. married or engaged to bemarried, separated, divorced, de facto partners(whether of the same or different sex), couplespromised to each other under cultural or religioustradition, or who are dating.A family relationship has a broader definition andincludes people who are related to one anotherthrough blood, marriage or de facto partnerships,adoption and fostering relationships, sibling andextended family relation
My body is mine. But sometimes it doesnt seem so. Other people, even people I love or people I live with use my body for their pleasure or their power. I dont like to talk about it but I would like to talk about it with the right person. I dont know how to talk about it in a way that will ensure I am treated with respect by the people I tell.
accomplish this goal, the Article explores the concept of human dignity, a fundamental right yet to be invoked in the context of substantive criminal law. The U.S. Supreme Court's jurisprudence invokes conflicting accounts of human dignity: liberty as dignity, on the one hand, and communitarian virtue as dignity, on the other.
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The importance of dignity as core concept in health care is widely recognised. Dignity is a key aspect of patient care [1-5] that has been explored across a range of care disciplines (eg: nursing, allied health) and more broadly as part of patient-centred care [6-8]. Dignity is central to care in nursing [9, 10], and dignified and respectful
dignity in nursing care, relatively little is known about what dignity means to nursing students. . "useless concept"; a poor substitute for the more precise concept of autonomy 5, . appropriate for this study of student nurses' perceptions of dignity in nursing care. 6.1 Qualitative content analysis
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Keywords: Exchange Rate Regimes Estimation, Exchange Rate Regimes Classification, Exchange Rate Regimes, Exchange Rate Policies, and Exchange Market Pressure. 1. Introduction In order to make a sound recommendation for a country exchange rate policy, it is valuable to evaluate how well its exchange rate policies have operated in the past.
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