Shattering The Shackles Of Shame - Harvestime
Shattering TheShackles ofShameByPatricia Hulsey
Harvestime International Networkhttp://www.harvestime.org2
DedicationTo my grandmotherAudia Young.who, many years ago, took me by the handand led me down the aisle of a little countrychurch to give my sin and shameto Jesus Christand receive Him as my Savior.3
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put toshame; For you will forget the shame.And will not remember the reproach.anymore.(Isaiah 54:4)4
TABLE OF CONTENTSIntroduction: How This MessageWas Birthed7Chapter 1: Shame On You!Chapter 2: The Spiral Of ShameChapter 3: Inherited ShameChapter 4: Individual ShameChapter 5: Incessant ShameChapter 6: Imposed ShameChapter 7: Institutional ShameChapter 8: Shattering The ShacklesChapter 9: Silencing The AccuserChapter 10: Life After ReligionChapter 11: Receiving DoubleFor Your Shame111933414957657797109Has This Study Impacted Your Life?NotesStudy Guide1291311355123
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Introduction:How This MessageWas BirthedOne of the most powerful and devastating forces in theworld is the emotion of shame.Shame is not something I learned about through research. Ididn't read a book or go to a seminar on the subject. Iagonized with its intensity when as a child I was told I wasno good, stupid, and would never amount to anything.When I became a born-again Christian, I understood fromthat time on that Jesus died for my sins, but it was yearslater when I understood that He also died for my shame.Since I no longer carried my sins, then I no longer neededto carry the shame of my sins or the shame imposed uponme by others.Multitudes around the globe are carrying heavy burdens ofshame. Some are ashamed because of their own sinfulconduct. Some carry shame because it has been imposedupon them by others who have condemned them. Stillothers have inherited a cycle of shameful behavior orfeelings from their parents.7
Shame is an emotion that will keep you forever shackled tothe past. It will prevent you from rising up to fulfill yourGod-given destiny.The purpose of this book is to shatter the shackles of shamethat have bound you, your loved ones, or those to whomyou minister.The shame of divorce, abortion, sexual abuse, or ofabandonment--the shame of every sinful act you may havecommitted or that was committed against you--you will nolonger need to carry it!This book draws upon the knowledge of several Christianpsychologists regarding the subject of shame, and whilemuch can be learned from their wisdom on the subject, it isonly the Word of God that can effect change in your life.As John McKenzie notes:"Analytical psychology.can lay bare where theroots of man's estrangement lie; but it cannot offerforgiveness.Psychiatrists have realized that thereare no techniques whereby they can dissipate realguilt feelings and their associated shame." [1]But don’t despair! The truth of God’s Word can and willset you free, not only from sin--but from the shackles of itsassociated shame. God did it for me and countless others.He will do it for you also.God’s strategy for shattering the shackles of shame in yourlife is not psychology, self-improvement, or group therapy.It is divine revelation. His strategy is based on His Word.If you follow His plan, you, too, will break your shacklesregardless of the reason for your shame, the type of shame8
you bear, or the length of time that you have been heldcaptive by its force.Every yoke of bondage will be broken through theanointing of God (Isaiah 58:6). If you pause and listenclosely, you may already hear the sound of your shackles ofshame beginning to break in the spirit world.-The Author9
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Chapter OneShame On You!What exactly is this potent force called shame? We findthis word often linked with "guilt" and "guilt and shame"used as if they were one descriptive term. Both wordsderive from similar Old English roots, but there is a definitedifference between the two.GUILT:The biblical meaning of guilt is “responsibility”. It is anemotion that results from violating an accepted standard bya definite, voluntary act. It is concerned with doing or lackof doing, sins of commission or omission--failing to dosomething right or doing something you know to be wrong.Guilt results in taking personal responsibility for suchactionsCommon sources of guilt include acts of dishonesty, lying,stealing, selfishness, cheating, infidelity, and hurtingothers. Guilt says to your conscience, "You made amistake. What you did was bad." Guilt distinguishes usfrom psychopaths who commit grievous offenses withoutconscience.SHAME:Shame, on the other hand, means "to cover up and toenvelop" and it is concerned with being rather than doing.Shame says, "You are no good, you are bad, you areinadequate. Shame on you!"11
The Apostle Paul illustrates the difference between guiltand shame when he says, "For the good that I will to do, Ido not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice"(Romans 7:19). That is guilt emanating from doing. ThenPaul agonizes, "Oh wretched man that I am! Who willdeliver me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24). Thisis a cry of a tormented soul experiencing the shame ofbeing.SHAME IS SPIRITUAL BANKRUPTCYShame is more than remorse for an act, regret, or a feelingof responsibility. It is internalized disgrace, humiliation,and degradation. Psychologist John Bradshaw portraysshame as hopelessness and spiritual bankruptcy anddescribes it as:"A state of being, a core identity. Shame gives youa sense of worthlessness, a sense of failing andfalling short as a human being. Shame is a ruptureof the self with the self. It is like internal bleeding.An inner torment, a sickness of the soul. A shamebased person is haunted by a sense of absence andemptiness." [1]Lewis B. Smedes, a professor at Fuller TheologicalSeminary, defines shame as:"A vague, undefined heaviness that presses on ourspirit, dampens our gratitude for the goodness oflife, and slackens the free flow of joy. Shame.seepsinto and discolors all our other feelings, primarilyabout ourselves, but about almost everyone andeverything else in our life as well." [2]12
Shame drives you on a hunting expedition into your past,scrutinizing everything you have done wrong and buildinga case against you like an aggressive prosecutor in a courtof law. Many of you reading these pages can readilyidentify with this description because "court" is in sessiondaily in your own mind. The prosecutor raises the issuesof.Your failed marriage.That aborted or abandoned child.Past criminal or sinful actions.A lost opportunity, a word spoken inanger, or an affirmation withheld inbitterness.Relentlessly, the internal interrogation continues.Guilt leads to godly sorrow which results in confessing andrepenting of wrong doing. Paul explains that the OldTestament law was designed for this purpose:Now we know that whatever the law says, it says tothose who are under the law, that every mouth maybe stopped, and all the world may become guiltybefore God. Therefore by the deeds of the law noflesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law isthe knowledge of sin. (Romans 3:19-20)James explains that whoever keeps the whole law and yetoffends in one point is guilty of all (James 2:10). Suchoverwhelming guilt was designed by God to direct us toJesus Christ.Whom God set forth as a propitiation by Hisblood, through faith, to demonstrate Hisrighteousness, because in His forbearance God hadpassed over the sins that were previously13
committed.Therefore we conclude that a man isjustified by faith apart from the deeds of the law.(Romans 3:25, 28)Guilt produces godly sorrow which leads to repentancewhich results in salvation:For godly sorrow produces repentance leading tosalvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of theworld produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)The "sorrow of the world" is shame because, leftunresolved, it leads to death. Dr. Paul Tournier explainsthat shame is negative if denied and guilt is positive ifacknowledged and confessed:"It is abundantly clear that no man lives free ofguilt. Guilt is universal. But according as it isrepressed or recognized, so it sets in motion one oftwo contradictory processes; repressed, it leads toanger, rebellion, fear, and anxiety, a deadening ofconscience, an increasing inability to recognizeone's faults, and a growing dominance ofaggressive tendencies. But consciously recognized,it leads to repentance, to the peace and security ofdivine pardon." [3]THE SEQUENCE OF SHAMEShame is associated with the loss of respect by others andthe eradication of self-respect. It prohibits intimacy withGod because we feel unworthy. Unlike guilt, which isresolved by confession and repentance, shame becomes anidentity.14
Shame--as distinct from constructive sorrow--is the devil'sstrategy. For centuries, many have thought shame was thevoice of God speaking to their conscience. But the Bibleclearly identifies Satan as the accuser of believers andconfirms that he is continually active in this mission(Revelation 12:10).Godly sorrow leads to repentance, but shame producesmisery, discouragement, and emotional pain. Constructivesorrow produces a positive change in behavior and oncechange is made by reconciliation with God and others, theconstructive sorrow of guilt vanishes because its purpose isaccomplished. The devil's shameful accusations remain,however, even after forgiveness has been sought andreceived. Such torment haunts the souls of some believerswho have walked for 20, 30, or 40 years with the Lord.They simply cannot forget the shame of their past and asThomas Oden notes:"The trail of guilt becomes more difficult to trackwhen our footsteps are blurred by the winds andwash of time. Eventually guilt is not directed towarda specific deed at all, but only generally toward thepast'." [4]Shame torments you internally through your conscienceand externally through condemnation by others. Shamemoves into your life and establishes a base of operationsresulting in what some psychologists call "a shame-based"personality, meaning that every facet of your person isaffected by shame’s deadly poison.HOW SHAME ORIGINATEDShame was not a natural emotion given to mankind by hisCreator. God created Adam and Eve as innocent beings15
and placed them in the perfect environment of the Gardenof Eden. They had abundant provision and access to all thetrees and fruits of the garden except one. Adam and Evewere warned not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of goodand evil, for if they did they would die. The couple did notheed this admonition and their transgression resulted in acontinuing cycle of sin being passed down throughsubsequent ages.Man's first transgression stemmed from a desire to be otherthan God created us, to be more than human. It is in thecontext of this original sin that men first encounteredshame. When Adam and Eve were created, they were bothnaked and were not ashamed (Genesis 2:25), but after theyate the forbidden fruit.the eyes of both of them were opened, and theyknew that they were naked; and they sewed figleaves together and made themselves coverings.(Genesis 3:7)That evening God came for His regular time of fellowshipwith the couple:And they heard the sound of the Lord Godwalking in the garden in the cool of the day, andAdam and his wife hid themselves from the presenceof the Lord God among the trees of the garden.Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him,"Where are you?" So he said, "I heard Your voicein the garden, and I was afraid because I wasnaked; and I hid myself." And He said, "Who toldyou that you were naked.?" (Genesis 3:8-11)This record confirms what psychologists now recognize,that.16
"Exposure of one’s self lies at the heart of shame. Ashame-based person will guard against exposing hisinner self to others, but more significantly, he willguard against exposing himself to himself." [5]Cowering, hiding, covering.Adam and Eve experienced anemotion that was new to them: SHAME.-They ran.but you cannot outrun theaccusations of shame.-They hid.but there is no refuge from shame.-They created a covering of fig leaves.but there isno man-made covering that will conceal shame.Three basic human relationships were ripped apart throughsin, creating the base from which all shame operates: Therelationships of man with God, man with himself, and manwith others.With the lethal force of a deadly riptide, Adam and Evewere caught in the swirling spiral of shame.17
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Chapter TwoThe Spiral Of ShameThe shame that originated in the Garden of Eden hasspiraled down through the centuries much like anuncontrolled aircraft caught in a powerful wind shear. Itscontinued revolutions generate a myriad of shame-basedreactions which are triggered by words, sounds, feelings,and even tastes and smells. Psychologist John Bradshawexplains:"The sensory perception is our first and mostimmediate way of knowing.Every thought we thinkwas first perceived, seen, heard, touched, tasted, orsmelled. .When shame has become internalized,these images are often triggered and send theshame-based person into shame spirals." [1]A word, a smell, the lyrics of a song, and other similarsensory images trigger the shame associated with painfulmemories, resulting in a downward spiral of shame-basedthoughts and reactions.SHAME-BASED THINKINGWhen shame establishes control in your life, it programsyour internal faculties to think in terms of "shame-basedthinking." This distorted reasoning may include any or allof the following:19
PARANOIA:Shame whispers, "You can tell they don't like you. Youdon't fit in. They think you aren't good enough." Thismakes you paranoid--constantly interpreting events aspersonally threatening. It also creates expectations ofultimate betrayal by friends.PERSONALIZATION:Shame-based people relate everything to themselves.When your mate says he is tired, shame says "Yeah.he istired of you.that's the problem!" Shame causes you toconstantly compare yourself to others and, when you seemto fall short, this generates more shame.GENERALIZATION:Shame distorts your thinking. One mistake means, "I'llnever learn how to do this." Generalization leads todeclarations such as "Why can't I ever get it right? No onecares about me." This results in "either/or" thinking. Ifyou are not brilliant, then you must be stupid. There is nomiddle ground. Words like "all, everyone, no one, always"signal such shame-based generalization. Shame-basedmentality views a simple misdemeanor as a capital offense.Professor Lewis Smedes provides insight into why shamebased people magnify their flaws. They do it.".Mainly because early on they.were permitted toknow only their flaws.Nothing good or true orbeautiful about them was worth noticing. Nosmudge was too small to ignore. The least of their20
weaknesses outweighed the greatest of theirstrengths." [2]RATIONALIZATION:A shame-based person constantly rationalizes theirbehavior. They excuse, explain, and justify so they do nothave to deal with their shame. On the other hand, they mayalso do good works to try to neutralize their shame andrationalize that they aren’t such a bad person.REPRESSION:Another attempt to deal with shame is repressing ordenying the incidents that produced it. King David learnedthat this doesn't work too well. He said:“When I kept silent, my bones grew old, Throughmy groaning all the day long. For day and night,Your hand was heavy upon me.” (Psalms 32:3-4)Denial leads to the submersion of terrible secrets:"For example, a mother knows that her husband isabusing her daughter, but she chooses not to know.What he is doing is so shameful that.she lies toherself and denies that she is lying--all in order toescape the shame of the horror that is happeninginside her lovely family." [3]CONDEMNATION:Shame's voice replays repeatedly in your mind like an oldrecord stuck in a groove. It says, "You should have donethis.You ought to have done that." Phrases like " I shouldhave" and "if I'd only" are signals of shame's accusations.21
Condemnation is different from the conviction of the HolySpirit. Conviction is specific, focusing on a particular sinand eliciting godly sorrow which leads to confession andrepentance. Condemnation is generalized. It declares youconvicted, censured, and hopeless without remedy. Jesusdeclared:“For God did not send His Son into the world tocondemn the world, but that the world through Himmight be saved. He who believes in Him is notcondemned.” (John 3:17-18)HELPLESSNESS:Shame declares you a victim of circumstances. You viewyourself as controlled by other people, your hopelessaddictions, bad luck, or fate. You mentally surrender tothis helplessness and accept a shamed existence as yourdestiny.A SHAME-BASED CONSCIENCE:Some people attempt to deal with shame by letting"conscience be their guide," as the old saying goes. Theyallow themselves to be governed by a set of internalmorals, principles, and standards.This is dangerous because your conscience is influenced bysociety, education, your parents, and peers--and theseinfluences can all be wrong. They may condone lying,stealing, cheating, and even killing, resulting in aconscience that is shameless. The Bible speaks of a "weakconscience" (1 Corinthians 8:12), a "defiled conscience"(Titus 1:15) and of those whose conscience is "seared witha hot iron" so that they no longer experience guilt22
(1 Timothy 4:2). The forces of society, training, parents,and peers can also create a "shame- based" conscience byconstantly reinforcing that you are a bad person.You cannot trust an unregenerate conscience to "be yourguide" because it is nourished by environment andexperience instead of the Holy Spirit. The Apostle Pauldescribed this struggle:For what I am doing, I do not understand. For whatI will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate,that I do.For the good that I will to do, I do not do;but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.(Romans 7:15,19)Only through the blood of Jesus can a shameful consciencebe absolved:Let us draw near with a true heart in full assuranceof faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evilconscience and our bodies washed with pure water.(Hebrews 10:22)SHAME-BASED REACTIONSShame-based reactions are implemented to avoid dealingwith the root issue of shame. We disguise and distort ourshame and cloak it in new vocabulary until we often do notrecognize these responses as protective devices designed toavoid self-confrontation. Here are some common shamebased reactions:23
SCAPEGOATING:The term "scapegoating" comes from an Old Testamentpractice involving the blood sacrifice for sin. Leviticus 16describes how the High Priest of Israel selected andsacrificed animals for the sin offering. At the climax of theceremony he laid his hands on the head of a live goat,confessed all the iniquities of Israel over it, and the animalwas then led away into the wilderness symbolically bearingthe sins of the people. Through this practice the word"scapegoating" entered our vocabulary as a method ofavoiding shame or guilt by projecting it onto someone orsomething else.Blame is a cover up for shame and a way to pass it on toothers. You reduce your own feelings of shame by puttingdown and criticizing someone else. Carl Nelson observes:"Psychologically, putting guilt on someone elseallows us the opportunity to hate or blame thatindividual, thus discharging our emotions while ourrational faculties justify it. It is a strangeprocedure, but one of our oldest strategies." [4]Old indeed, for it actually began in the Garden when Adamblamed his sin on "the woman You gave me" (Genesis3:12). In blaming our God-given circumstances,environment, or relationships, we are in reality saying thatthe blame rests with God. As Narramore observes:"Each time we do this, we deny our ownresponsibilities and failings.and instead ofresolving our problem, we burrow deeper
THE SEQUENCE OF SHAME Shame is associated with the loss of respect by others and the eradication of self-respect. It prohibits intimacy with God because we feel unworthy. Unlike guilt, which is resolved
Shame and humiliation 16 Shame and self esteem 17 Shame and narcissism 18 II) The Difference Between Shame and Guilt 20 Attribution theory 22 III) Empathy 23 Empathy and sympathy 25 Empathy, personal distress and shame 25 IV) Shame Guilt and Empathy 27 Theories concerning shame and empathy 34 The measurement of shame guilt and empathy 36 V) Sex .
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