Forgive For Good
Forgive For GoodA ProvenPrescription forHealth andHappiness ( HarperOne, 2002)Fred Luskin, Ph.D.Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.What is forgiveness?§ § § § § Forgiveness is a feeling of peaceForgiveness is for you and not theoffenderForgiveness is taking back your powerForgiveness takes responsibility for howyou feelForgiveness is about your healingForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.What is forgiveness?§ § § § § § Forgiveness is not about the person whohurt youForgiveness is a trainable skillForgiveness helps you get control overyour feelingsForgiveness can improve mental andphysical healthForgiveness is a choiceEveryone can learn to forgive!Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.1
What forgiveness is not!§ § § Forgiveness is not condoningunkindnessForgiveness is not forgettingsomething painfulForgiveness is not excusingpoor behaviorForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.What forgiveness is not!§ § § Forgiveness is not denying orminimizing your hurtForgiveness does not meanreconciling with the offenderForgiveness does not mean yougive up having feelingsForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgive For Good§ One of the central messages offorgiveness training is that only threecore components underlie the creation ofa long-standing hurt and grievance:§ The exaggerated taking of personaloffense§ The blaming of the offender for howyou feel§ The creation of a grievance storyForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.2
Forgive For Good§ § Careful feeding and dedicatednurturing of these grievancecomponents can keep a hurt aliveforeverThis is exactly what we do when werefuse to forgiveForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgive For Good§ § We can create a “grievance story”,and every time we complain aboutthis story, we suffer physicallyThe ability to get over our wounds iscrucial to health, both emotionaland physicalForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgive For Good§ § § If you learn to forgive, you will feel betterand gain a power over your life thatmight have seemed impossibleIf you learn to forgive you will find thatyour life has possibilities you could onlydream ofYou will have more energy available tomake good decisionsForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.3
Studies reveal:§ § People who are more forgivingreport fewer health problemsForgiveness leads to less stressForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Studies reveal:§ Forgiveness leads to fewer physicalsymptoms of stress§ example: anxiety and panic attacks§ Failure to forgive may be moreimportant than hostility as a heartattack risk factorForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Studies reveal:§ § People who blame other people for theirtroubles have higher incidences ofconditions such as cardiovasculardisease and cancerPeople who imagine not forgivingsomeone show negative changes in bloodpressure, muscle tension and immuneresponseForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.4
Studies reveal:§ § People who imagine forgiving theiroffender note immediate improvement intheir cardiovascular, muscular andnervous systemsEven people with devastating losses canlearn to forgive and feel betterpsychologically and emotionally!Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Creating a Grievance§ § Grievances are formed when people areunable to deal successfully with notgetting what they wanted and then theyrent too much space in their minds to theinjusticeThis is the grievance process we gothrough even when the disappointmentis as severe and horrible as the loss of aloved oneForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Creating a Grievance§ It is the same process when theinjustice is waiting an extramoment in a supermarket line orstruggling in traffic when we arelate for an appointment, orstruggling to make sense out of arandom act of violenceForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.5
Do You Have a Grievance?§ § § Do you talk over and over about whathappened to you?Do you let your mind dwell on thegrievance many times during the day?Do you get tired of the amount of timethat you give to thinking about things inthe past?Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Do You Have a Grievance?§ § When you think of the grievance, whatkind of intensity is there?Do you pay more attention to those whohave hurt you or what you have lost, thanbeing grateful for those who love you?Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Do You Have a Grievance?§ § How much time and energy do you spendfocusing on the hurt?Do you think about the painful situationmore than you think about the things inyour life that are good?Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.6
Do You Have a Grievance?§ § If you answer yes to any of thesequestions, you have formed agrievance that is renting too muchspace in your mindYou can learn to “Forgive For Good”Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Choosing a Story§ § The more time spent on the loss,makes the habit stronger andharder and more difficult to break.Dwelling on your wounds, give thempower over you!What you remember, or focus yourattention on, can be shifted muchthe same way that you can changethe channel on your televisionForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Choosing a Story§ If we are used to watching the samegrievance channel, we are likely tosee that the world has manygrievances, but if we are used towatching the forgiveness channelthe world can begin to lookdifferent. Change the channel!Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.7
Getting Ready to Forgive§ § § Forgiveness is only one response ofmany you can choose from whenyou are hurtForgiveness is a skill that you canlearnForgiveness takes place by undoingeach of the steps of the grievanceprocessForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Getting Ready to Forgive§ § § We learn to balance the impersonalaspect of hurt with the personal, whichmost of the time means taking somethingless personallyWe take responsibility for how we feelwhen someone hurts usFinally, we change our grievance story toa forgiveness story, where we become thehero instead of the victimForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Getting Ready to Forgive§ There are three simple preconditionsneeded before we are ready to forgive:§ Know what your feelings are aboutwhat happened§ Be clear about the action that wrongedyou§ Share your experience with at least oneor two trusted peopleForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.8
What is forgiveness?§ § § The major obstacle to forgiving is a lackof understanding of what forgiveness isSome of us confuse forgiveness withcondoning unkind actionsThere are those who think that weforgive in order to repair the relationshipwith the offenderForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.What is forgiveness?§ § § Some of us are afraid to forgivebecause we think we will not be ableto seek justiceSome think that forgiveness has tobe a precursor to reconciliationSome think that forgiveness meanswe forget what happened. Each ofthese conceptions is wrongForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.What is forgiveness?§ § Forgiveness is the feeling of peacethat emerges as you take your hurtless personally, take responsibilityfor how you feelBecome the hero instead of thevictim in the story you tellForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.9
What is forgiveness?§ § § Forgiveness is the feeling ofpeacefulness in the present momentForgiveness does not change thepast, it changes the presentForgiveness means that eventhough you are wounded youchoose to hurt and suffer lessForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.What is forgiveness?§ § § Forgiveness means that you becomepart of the solutionForgiveness is the understandingthat hurt is a normal part of lifeForgiveness is for you and no oneelse. You can forgive and rejoin arelationship or forgive and neverspeak to that person againForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.The Science of Forgiveness§ Scientific research clearlyshows that learning to forgive isgood for one’s health and wellbeing – good for mental healthand physical health as well.Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.10
Science of Forgiveness§ § Preliminary studies from researchin allied fields such as psychology,medicine, and religion show thatfeeling more positive emotions suchas gratitude, faith and care have apositive impact on cardiovascularfunctionThere are positive results in one’slife as one learns to forgive!Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness Improves Health§ § The positive emotional changes Ifound have implications for healthHigher levels of hope have beenshown to help people dealsuccessfully with pain and someforms of illnessForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness Improves Health§ § Spiritually minded people copebetter with loss and illnessThe primary goal of forgivenesstraining is to reduce the amount ofanger the participants holdForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.11
Forgiveness Improves Health§ Forgiveness is a complexexperience that changes anoffended person’s spiritualfeelings, emotions, thoughts,actions, and self-confidencelevelForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness is Practical§ § The definition of forgiveness iscentered on the benefits offeeling peacefulFinding peace does not have tobe complicatedForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness is Practical§ § Remember all grievances beginwhen something in a person’s lifehappens that they do not want tohappenFrom that initial unpleasantnessthey take things too personally,blame the offender for how theyfeel, and tell the grievance storyForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.12
Forgiveness is Practical§ § § § The grievance means that too muchspace has been rented in theirminds to hurt and angerForgiveness is the feeling of peacethat emerges as you:take the hurt less personallytake responsibility for how you feelForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness is Practical§ § § Become a hero instead of a victim inthe story you tellAs you feel more and more peace,you are progressing in your goal toheal from your grievancesYou are learning to forgiveForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness is Practical§ § § Take responsibility for how youfeelWe are responsible for ouremotional experienceOur past is not responsible forour present feelingsForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.13
Forgiveness is Practical§ § Just because something unpleasanthappened in our past or may occurin our future does not mean thatday after day should be ruinedDifficulties, mistreatments andunkindness do not have anextended warrantyForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness is Practical§ § We become helpless when we givethe person who hurt us excessivepower over how we feelOur painful feelings will diminishonly when we take that power backand show we are responsible forhow we feel!Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness if Practical§ Practice these two techniques tohelp us reclaim responsibilityfor how we feelForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.14
Forgiveness if Practical§ § #1. Do not loose sight of the goodthings in our lifeSpend time and energy finding thebeauty and love in our life tobalance the time we spend ongrudges, grievances and woundsForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness is Practical§ § #2. Practice PERTWhen you are feeling the effects ofan unresolved grievance or ongoingrelationship problem do thisexercise:Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness is Practical§ § § Bring your attention fully to yourstomach as you slowly draw in andout two deep breathsAs you inhale, allow the air to gentlypush your belly outAs you exhale, consciously relaxyour belly so that it feels softForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.15
Forgiveness is Practical§ On the third and deepinhalation, bring to your mind’seye an image of someone youlove or a beautiful scene innature that fills you with aweand wonderForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness is Practical§ § § Often people have a stronger responsewhen they imagine their positive feelingsare centered in the area of their heartWhile practicing, continue with soft bellybreathingAsk the relaxed and peaceful part of yourwhat you can do to resolve this difficultyForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Changing the Channel onYour Remote Control When you bring more positiveexperiences into your life, yourhurts will diminish inimportance!Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.16
Gratitude Channel§ § Walk into a supermarket andgive thanks for the abundanceof foodGo to a nursing home orhospital and give thanks foryour healthForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Gratitude Channel§ § When driving, mentally thank eachof the drivers who follow the rulesof the roadIf you have a significant other,thank this person for caring for you.Make it a point to do this every day!Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Gratitude Channel§ § Remind yourself of any kind actdone by your parentsNotice a salesperson or clerk at astore and thank that person fortheir help and for waiting on youForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.17
Gratitude Channel§ § In your home, give thanks for all ofthe labor that went into makingyour furniture, appliances and foodAs you wake up each morning, givethanks for your breath and the giftof your lifeForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Beauty Channel§ § When stuck in traffic, notice thebeauty of the sky or the remarkablemovement of birds or cloudsFind a favorite spot in nature thatyou can go to easilyForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Beauty Channel§ § § Watch nature shows on televisionDeeply appreciate your favoritepiece of musicWalk slowly, and absorb the smellsand sights of natureForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.18
Beauty Channel§ § Notice how beautiful well-preparedfoods looks and tastesObserve the beauty and wonder offlowersForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness Channel§ Look for people who have forgivenothers, and ask them to tell youtheir stories§ Remember when you have forgivenand remind yourself that you can doit againForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness Channel§ § Read books about people who haveforgiven hurtful situationsSee if there are any forgivenessstories in your own familyForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.19
Forgiveness Channel§ Practice forgiving the smallestoffenses against you§ Forgive a driver who cuts youoff on the roadForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Forgiveness Channel§ § § Think of the times that you havehurt others and needed forgivenessNotice whenever someone is kind toyou after you have hurt him/herNotice how often you naturallyforgive those you truly loveForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Love Channel§ § Look for people who are in love, andsmile at their happinessGo to a hospital and observe thelove of a family who cares for thosewho are ill or for a family having ababyForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.20
Love Channel§ § Remember the times in your lifewhen you were lovedRemember the times in your lifewhen you were lovingForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Love Channel§ § § Call up a friend and tell them thatyou care about themSend a card of encouragement tosomeone who may need itLook for memories of kindnessdone for you by your parentsForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Love Channel§ § § Ask yourself what you can do to be amore loving personAsk someone about a time when sheor she felt really lovedFORGIVENESS – A FEELING OFPEACE!Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.21
Challenge YourUnenforceable Rules Recognize that you feel hurt, angry,alienated, depressed, or hopelessAcknowledge that your feelings maybe memories of the past but youexperience the feelings in thepresentForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Challenge YourUnenforceable Rules Remind yourself that you feel badbecause you are trying to enforce anunenforceable ruleAssert your willingness to challengeyour unenforceable ruleForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Challenge YourUnenforceable Rules Find your unenforceable rule byasking yourself the followingquestion: “What experiences in mylife am I thinking of right now that Iam demanding to be different?”Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.22
Challenge YourUnenforceable Rule In your mind change fromdemanding you get what you wantto hoping you get what you wantNotice that when you wish or hopethings be the way you want, thenyou think more clearly and feelmore peacefulForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.PERT: Positive EmotionRefocusing Technique We need to learn how to maintainour peace in any situation, nomatter how upsettingWe gain tremendous confidencewhen we are suddenly faced with apainful situation or memory andare able to sustain our positivefocusForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.PERT: Positive EmotionRefocusing Technique Practicing PERT helps us stay calmso we can make good decisionsPracticing PERT when faced with araging boss prevents anger and hurtfrom overwhelming youOn a crowded freeway it preventsdistress from making the situationworseForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.23
PERT: Positive EmotionRefocusing Technique Practice PERT while anticipatingvisiting a relative you do not likeenable you to decide whether thevisit is in your best interestPracticing PERT whileremembering an alcoholic parentprevents falling into despairForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.PERT Bring your attention fully to yourstomach as you slowly draw and outtwo deep breathsAs you inhale, allow the air to gentlypush your belly outAs you exhale, consciously relaxyour belly so that it feel softForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.PERT On the third full and deepinhalation, bring to your mind’s eyean image of someone you love or ofa beautiful scene in nature that fillsyou with awe and wonderOften people have a strongerresponse when they imagine theirpositive feelings centered in thearea around your heartForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.24
PERT While practicing, continue with softbelly breathingAsk the relaxed and peaceful part ofyou what you can do to resolve yourdifficultyForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Finding your positiveintention Find a quiet place where you can beundisturbed for about ten minutesPractice PERT once or twice to getyourself into a relaxed frame ofmindAsk yourself, What was my reasonfor being in this grievance situationin the first place?Forgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.Finding Your PositiveIntention What was my goal, expressed in positiveterms?Think about your response until you havea one or two sentence positive intentionPromise yourself you will not tell thegrievance story any longerPractice telling the positive intentionstory to only a handful of trusted peopleForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.25
FORGIVE FOR GOOD! He who cannot forgiveothers breaks the bridgeover which he must passhimself, for every manhas need to be forgivenForgive for Good- FredericLuskin, Ph.D.26
Luskin, Ph.D. Forgive For Good ! One of the central messages of forgiveness training is that only three core components underlie the creation of a long-standing hurt and grievance: ! The exaggerated taking of personal offense ! The blaming of the offender for how you feel ! The creation of a grievance story Forgive for Good- Frederic Luskin, Ph.D.File Size: 224KBPage Count: 26Explore furtherThe Radical Forgiveness Worksheetwww.radicalforgiveness.comEight Keys to Forgiveness Greater Goodgreatergood.berkeley.eduHow To Forgive Yourself: 7 Techniques For Self Forgivenesswww.thelawofattraction.comExercises for Forgiveness - Emotional Affairwww.emotionalaffair.orgThe Self-Forgiveness Handbook - BookLocker.comassets.booklocker.comRecommended to you based on what's popular Feedback
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your Father in heaven will also forgive your wrongs. But if you don’t forgive others, then your Father in heaven will not forgive the wrongs you do. (Matthew 6:14-15 ERV) When we recognized our own sin and our own need of forgiveness, our prideful attitudes broke and we began to forgive others. Jesus died for everyone’s sin, not just ours.
To Forgive or Not to Forgive, Cont’d Arlene R. Taylor, PhD 2 I. Definitions of Forgiveness Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself and to the people who love you. Edward Hallowell MD, Dare to Forgive It has been said that you can only deal with something effectively when you can label and describe it.
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LÄS NOGGRANT FÖLJANDE VILLKOR FÖR APPLE DEVELOPER PROGRAM LICENCE . Apple Developer Program License Agreement Syfte Du vill använda Apple-mjukvara (enligt definitionen nedan) för att utveckla en eller flera Applikationer (enligt definitionen nedan) för Apple-märkta produkter. . Applikationer som utvecklas för iOS-produkter, Apple .
Agile software development methods, according to Agile Software Manifesto prepared by a team of field practitioners in 2001, emphasis on A. Individuals and interactions over process and tools B. Working software over comprehensive documentation C. Customer collaboration over contract negotiation D. Responding to change over following a plan [5]) primary consideration Secondary consideration .
