OCTOBER & November 2019
OCTOBER & November 2019 P.O. Box 50395 Billings, MT 59105 Website: www.tcfbillings.org NEXT MEETING PROGRAM Monday, November 11th, 2019 Mary Alice Fortin Center Billings Clinic Hospital, 2800 10th Ave. N. ** ROOM “E” ** HANDLING THE HOLIDAYS Sharing thoughts and feelings about dealing with the holidays since the loss of our child. The Compassionate Friends is a mutual assistance, self-help organization offering friendship, understanding and hope to bereaved families. The primary purpose is to assist them in positive resolution of the grief experienced upon the death of a child and to support their efforts to achieve physical and emotional health. The secondary purpose is to provide information and to educate about bereaved families. The objective is to help those in their community, including family, friends, employers, and coworkers to be supportive. This newsletter is dedicated to the following children with love: Rina Moog Oct 1977 – Oct 2007 Drew R. Murray Nov 1988 – April 2008 Mary Kate Keenan Sept 1994 - Nov 2016 Dearest Rina, I could only be grateful when I realized that I would rather have known you for moment than never at all. I would rather endure this inexplicable pain of out-living you than to never have seen your face, spoken you name. I would rather be yours and you be mine, regardless. Regardless of the sorrow, the sleepless nights and the years I will walk this earth carrying you in my heart. (by Scribbles and Crumbs) All my Love Always, Mom Drew, st We celebrate your 31 birthday. While your family grieves for the loss of your presence in our earthly lives, we wait in joyful Hope of our Grand Reunion in “God’s Port.” We will all rest there forever and ever! Love, Your family We miss your gentle soul & your playful spirit. Love you always, Mom & Papa
October & November 2019 November Again OCTOBER CHILL The October evening chill makes me feel even more lonely for you and as the leaves fall from the trees, so do my tears fall. For some reason I never really cared so much for Halloween, but what I would give to see you in a princess or bunny suit dressed so cute. I'd love to be worried if you would be warm enough in your little outfit and concerned you would eat too much candy and have a tummy ache. But instead of Trick-or-Treat, we have an anniversary date--five years now since you died and so I buy flowers for your grave instead of a cute costume and candy. Life is not fair! But no matter how many more Octobers come & go, one thing will remain--you are mine, a part of my life, in my heart, and bound to my soul. As the leaves of the trees turn crimson & gold, your memory and love warm me from the inside out and I imagine we would be out jumping and playing in a big pile of leaves with giggles & hugs and with no notice of the October chill. November again, almost winter. Muted world outside, faded red, misty yellowEven the hardest wind seems kind enough, Because we know, we know that stormy blades lie waiting. November again, almost winter Gently the heart reaches for the awareness of things to come. Holidays, so we call them. Gently, the heart turns to Christmas. Songs everywhere. And lights Gently the heart must remember the things gone by, the time gone by, the child gone by, ANNUAL WORLD-WIDE CANDLE LIGHTING SPONSORED BY THE BILLINGS GAZETTE The Billings Gazette is once again supporting Billings TCF for our 23rd annual World-Wide Candle Lighting memorial page. By purchasing a memorial in honor of your child, grandchild or sibling, you can be a part of this wonderful tribute. The cost is 31.95, but 10.00 from every memorial goes back to the Billings TCF chapter. Your child’s picture & a short message will be printed in a 1x3” ad in the Gazette on Dec. 8th. Send a wallet sized photo with your name, address and “TCF” printed on the back to: BILLINGS GAZETTE CLASSIFIED DEPT. 401 N. Broadway, Billings, MT 59101 Attn.: World Wide Candle Lighting. Include your child’s first & last names, birth & death dates and a brief message. Photos with lighter backgrounds work best. Please have your information to the Billings. Gazette by Dec. 1st. November again. sascha again from sascha Sunday, December 8th Worldwide Candle Lighting Ceremony Rose Park - 6:45p.m. – 7:15 p.m. All friends & family are invited. Bring your own candles. To Suzanne from Mommy Vickie Smith, TCF Bend, OR. American Lutheran Church - Memorial Service & Candle Lighting Monday, December 9th - 6:30 p.m. - American Lutheran Church – 5 Lewis Ave. All family & friends are invited to join us for a special evening that includes a holiday service & candle lighting ceremony starting at 7:00 p.m. sharp. (Due to fire codes, only one candle per family for each child who has died will be allowed and must be held by an adult. Candles are provided by TCF.) Please come early to write a special message to your child or sibling. The message will be read aloud during the candle lighting service. Writing your message in advance is encouraged, however, your written message must be no larger than a 3x5 index card. A potluck fellowship, including a special raffle, will follow - please bring a food item to share. We also ask that each family bring an unwrapped gift to be donated to Family Services in memory of your loved one. We hope you will join us.
We Welcome the Following Families to Our Group It is always hard for us to say, “Welcome” to any newcomers because we are so very sorry you became eligible for our membership in the COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS. We are glad, however, that you found the courage to come to a meeting. Making that first step can be very difficult. We hope you felt some love, comfort, and caring in being with others who truly understand your grief. “WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE” Norma Sletten, son, James, born May 1977 & died: July 2019 Tiffany Edwards, son, Greyson, born September 2012 & died: August 2013 Amanda Kraiter, son, Izaya, born July 2012 & died: July 2012 Cheryl Heser, son, Joshua, born January 1980 & died: October 2013 The Rose Park Sanctuary Fund The sanctuary in Rose Park has become such a meaningful and special place to our members that we want to insure that it is well maintained for years to come. In an effort to preserve and financially support any future additions to our beloved sanctuary we designate these donations to the “Rose Park Sanctuary Fund.” The following donations were recently made: In honor of: With love from: Chet Allen Marc Priest Brandon Bissell Lynn Schinker, Mom & Dad, Fran & Demorise Allen friends, Fran & Demorise Allen Mom, Nikki Olson Mom, Carolyn Grazely Remember, your gift is tax deductible! “Love Gifts” are a beautiful expression of our deep & never-ending love for our children. “Love Gifts” help us to reach out to bereaved families, friends, & co-workers in various ways- books, DVDs, videos, borchures, and this newsletter. These gifts are deeply appreciated. If you would like to send a “Love Gift,” please mail it to: The Compassionate Friends, P.O. Box 50395, Billings, MT 59105. Please include who your “Love Gift” is in memory of. Remember, your gift is also tax deductible! With much gratitude, we thank the following for their “Love Gifts.” Arlene Priest, in memory of, Shelly Rae Hjelvik Link Many Fuqua, in memory of her son, Thomas Michael Olsen’s 2nd anniversary 9/3 Jeanette Koch, in memory of her son, Kert Lee Dolechek’s birthday 9/20 Patricia Thomas, in memory of her daughter, Kathleen Shannon Sharongae Smith, in memory of her son, Houston Smith Herbert & Gerry Mangis, in memory of their daughter, Carmen Mangis’s birthday 10/9 Nikki Olson, in memory of her son, Brandon Bissell’s birthday 10/1 Carol Hauge, in memory of her son, Lon Hauge’s Birthday 11/20 Pauline & Michael Cox, in memory of their son, Nathan Cox’s anniversary 11/6 Thanksgiving Thoughts I remember the first Thanksgiving after Tony was killed. I didn’t know how we could possibly get through that dinner, with an empty chair. The solution that occurred to me was so fill it with someone else – several someones. Grandpa came to spend the week, a newly widowed friend came to dinner, and so did her young nephew and his bride who had just moved to town. They brought the salad. And we WERE thankful – for each other, for the love among us, and for the memories. If this will be your first Thanksgiving, do something different. The pattern of your life has been broken. Break is some more. Have dinner at a different place, or with different people. Go away for the weekend. Be kind to yourself. You do not have it all, but you have something. Ronnie Peterson, TCF, Star Lake, NY
Lovingly Remembered Our children, grandchildren and siblings October Birthdays Jacob Black - 10/29 Nancy Barbula Tommy Murphy - 10/18 Darrell & Kathy Devitt Dean William Ballew - 10/03 Fern Dillinger Janiece Duke Corcoran - 10/11 Aggie & Jim Duke Alicia June Fanyak - 10/07 Jennifer Fanyak Wallace Mark Waudby - 10/16 Ellen Grauberger Muriel Kay Swenson - 10/25 Reid & Edith Grayson Lynn Carol Schinker - 10/12 Carolyn Grazley Brett Jared Marten - 10/09 Brandy Hunt John William Ladd - 10/06 Scott & Jennifer Ingram Melissa Ann "Missy" Keller - 10/20 Carol Kunz Bonnie Marie Lawrence - 10/28 Tom & Judy Lawrence Ashli Brown - 10/05 Kayce Leary Carmen Jeanne Mangis - 10/09 Herbert & Gerry Mangis Dr. Krista Mougey - 10/19 Larry & Carole Mougey Rina Moog - 10/19 Carol Newman Clint Stovall - 10/06 Laurie Noonkester Brandon William Bissell - 10/01 Nikki Olson Cody - 10/04 Kelly & Vicki Pleas Jeff Reed - 10/06 Charlie & Audrey Reed Brooklyn Nichole Reichenbach - 10/19 Ben & Traci Reichenbach Ian Rye - 10/15 David & Gay Rye Brandon Chase Sand - 10/14 Tiffaney Sand Rodney "Ron" Sanford - 10/15 Clara Sanford Larry Allen Schmitt - 10/08 Louise Schmitt Leonardo Maria Oliver Smith - 10/12 Delia Smith Kathleen Shannon - 10/30 Patricia & Robert Thomas Heather Dawn Hogan - 10/29 Mark & Holly Vinner October Anniversaries Carly Jean McGuinness - 10/21 Leslie Austin John W. Lindsey - 10/19 Doris Baldry Matthew Richard Francis Boyer 10/03 Jack & Renee Boyer George Martin Brennan - 10/13 Tom & Peggy Brennan James Cushing - 10/17 Bob Cushing Nicole "Nikki" Marie Dionne - 10/24 Mark & Terri Dorendorf Jill A. Frodsham - 10/25 John & Darlene Fernelius Justin Daniel Gerber - 10/04 Gary & Naomi Gerber Delores Gerber Muriel Kay Swenson - 10/31 Reid & Edith Grayson Bradley Bruce Herman - 10/04 Bruce & Shirley Herman Shae Santamaria Theresa Lynn Hilario - 10/18 Cheryl Hilario Robert & Toni Hilario Timothy Miles "Tim" Hines - 10/08 Tom & Sandy Hines Kurt Matthew Kautz - 10/14 Daniel & Susan Kautz Brian Keith Miller - 10/02 Beverly Keller Mark Koch - 10/26 Raejean Koch Summer Irene Hart - 10/30 Laura Kurtz Sonia Westvang - 10/22 Laura Kurtz Sandra Lynne Voelker - 10/16 Mary Mattheis Kimberly McCarthy - 10/13 Dee McCarthy Tami McCullough - 10/23 Mary Ann McCullough Rina Moog - 10/23 Carol Newman Gilean 'Gil' Ann Newman - 10/22 Howard & Johnna Newman Richard Mullenberg, Jr. - 10/17 Roger & Diana Lynn Overturf Kevin Mullenberg - 10/17 Roger & Diana Lynn Overturf Emma Thomas - 10/11 Arlene Priest Brooklyn Nichole Reichenbach - 10/19 Ben & Traci Reichenbach Brandon Chase Sand - 10/14 Tiffaney Sand Mikeal Connors - 10/23 Michelle Steffans Craig A. Alexander - 10/31 Dorothy Stratford Dean & Mary Ann Alexander T.J. & Brian Alexander Corey - 10/07 Shelley Tindal
Lovingly Remembered Our children, grandchildren and siblings November Birthdays Wendelyn "Wendy" Elizabeth Bell Piskula - 11/19 Fred Bell, III Aaron Jesse Boyd - 11/09 Nadine Boyd Frank Earl Niles - 11/21 Phyllis Crawford Michael Kinross-Wright - 11/11 Paula Curtin Ashley Davis - 11/14 Annette Davis Marika - 11/29 Cheryl Degges James Stalling - 11/24 Kathy Feist Debbie Gerczak Kyle - 11/27 Christina & Ed Garza Bill Thompson - 11/18 Terri Haacke Lon Kenneth Hauge - 11/20 Carol Hauge Michael Waltheir - 11/26 Mari Okken Hedges Theresa Lynn Hilario - 11/15 Cheryl Hilario Robert & Toni Hilario Brianna Sue Koepp - 11/18 Todd & Erin Koepp Lillian Flynn Adam - 11/17 Connie Marman Edward James McDermott - 11/07 Robert & Mary McDermott Drew Robert Murray - 11/10 George & Becky Murray Richard C. Nordquist - 11/11 Patty Nordquist Pam & Robert Lowe Kay Stromberg - 11/06 E. Earl Norwood Daniel R. Oltrogge - 11/08 Ray & Sharlene Oltrogge Sarah Nicole Osborne - 11/12 Kelly & Dale Osborne Elvera McLaughlin - 11/26 Arlene Priest Don Schenck - 11/11 Arlene Priest Derek Russell Schell - 11/22 Brenda Schell Lloyd Schell, Jr. Raymond Leo Swenson - 11/17 Irma Swenson Kylee Wilson - 11/22 Sharon Wilson Kellie Wilson November Anniversaries Aaron Jesse Boyd - 11/10 Nadine Boyd Casey James Costello - 11/26 Loren & Jan Clevenger Joe & Bette Wright Joseph Frank Cole - 11/23 Cynde Cole Frank Cole Nathan Cox - 11/06 Michael & Pauline Cox Edith Guzman - 11/28 Phyllis Crawford Ryder Alexandria Dreese - 11/23 Brandy Dreese Miranda Colleen Fenner - 11/15 Sherry Fenner Timothy Louie Garcia – 11/23 Louie & Rachell Garcia Danielle "Dani" Rae White - 11/02 Gisele Harmon Vincent Harrington - 11/15 Shannon Harrington Olive Harrington Mary Katherine Keenan - 11/21 John & Carol Keenan Shawn M. Cain - 11/27 Debbie Kotan Tracy Dea Neil 11/24 Glenda Lahn Ashli Brown - 11/22 Kayce Leary Dane Loy (Grovon) Lewis - 11/05 Bonnie & Rex Lewis Samuel James Meling - 11/17 Todd & DebiMeling Richard C. Nordquist - 11/11 Patty Nordquist Pam & Robert Lowe Caryn "Carrie" Brinkman McCann - 11/14 Jody Nunley Sarah Nicole Osborne - 11/12 Kelly & Dale Osborne Doris "Junie" June Lind - 11/04 Arlene Priest Don Schenck - 11/11 Arlene Priest Nancy M. Rasky - 11/15 Connie Rasky Darcy Ann Roat - 11/19 Brian & Sharon Roat Ian Rye - 11/29 David & Gay Rye Daniel Schmidt - 11/22 Tony & Marlene Schmidt Sterling Tyler Stiles - 11/22 Louise & Kevin Stiles Derrick Sundseth - 11/13 Bruce & Lana Sundseth Michael Shane Johnson - 11/25 Joyce Terrel David Victor Johnson - 11/25 Joyce Terrel Debbie VanTine Westra - 11/17 Russell & Dolores VanTine Hal "Trey" Ward - 11/09 Hal & Janice Ward John Yashinski - 11/25 John Yashinski
PONDERINGS ALONG THE PATH By Nadine Boyd Dear Compassionate Friends: Those of us who have been on this path to healing from grief for a while have unfortunately heard some very hurtful comments from well-meaning people who just didn’t know better. I have compiled a list of: Things Not to Say to a Grieving Parent 1. “It was God’s will-you shouldn’t question it”. Yes, yes, I can and do. 2. “He’s in a better place”. I know that’s true, but he was taken from our arms far before we were ready to let him go back to God. 3. “You can always have another child.” Maybe I can, but I cannot replace this precious child. He is not a goldfish. 4. “You’re so brave! I just couldn’t go on if anything happened to my child!” What are you saying? You love your child more than I love mine because I am doing the best I can to function without him? 5. “At least you have your other children.” Yes, I do and I am profoundly grateful and blessed to have them, but we all miss and grieve for the one who isn’t here. 6. “You shouldn’t feel that way.” I can feel however I wish. There are no good or bad feelings-you feel how you feel. It’s how you react to those feelings that define “good” or “bad”. 7. “At least he isn’t suffering anymore.” No, he isn’t but WE are. No matter how grim the diagnosis, we held out hope for a miracle. We would have done anything in our power to make him well. It makes me feel selfish and angry we didn’t get our miracle. 8. “I know how you feel.” No, you don’t. Even if you have lost your child in the exact same circumstances you don’t know how I feel. You don’t know what our relationship was like, how I blame myself for not being a good parent or what emotion I’m feeling right then: anger, denial or depression. 9. Don’t avoid or change the subject that my child died. Don’t be afraid you will make me cry. I cry all the time and it makes it worse when no one will say his name. A hug and saying “I’m so sorry” acknowledges my pain and your helplessness to make me feel better. Even better-ask me to tell you about my child and then REALLY listen. Tell me a story or what you loved about my child. I may cry, but I love to hear those stories. 10. Don’t expect me to be back to “normal” soon. Grief is a very long journey, especially because when my child died I lost all the FUTURE memories too with that child. I have a “different” normal now, and will never be the same person I was before. One of the most hurtful and damaging comments that was said when our child died was “it’s been two weeks now. You need to get on with your life.” Don’t tell us how or how long to grieve. It is as individual as the person going through it. Ask how you can help. Acknowledge dates of my child’s birthday and anniversary of his death. A card that simply says you are thinking of us means a lot. Acknowledge that holidays are going to be different now. Don’t judge me because I still go to the cemetery to visit his grave several times a week, have his pictures up next to my other children’s pictures, make a birthday cake for his birthday, hang my child’s Christmas stocking and put his precious homemade ornaments on the Christmas tree. It comforts me to see his sweet face, and remember how proud he was making his ornaments. Grieving families are in the strange position of educating the very people who are trying to comfort us. Try to remember we once were very likely in the same position: loving, caring, wanting to help, but having no idea how or what to say and being afraid of saying the wrong thing. They mean well. I wish you comfort and healing on your journey to healing, and the patience to comfort the comforters. Happy birthday, Aaron! We love you and miss you always! In friendship, Nadine
REMINDERS Newsletter Dedication: Joyce Terrel has signed up for November newsletter dedication. Shannon Westerman has signed up for the December newsletter dedication. Please send your dedication information, as well as, the 30 donation to: Billings TCF, P.O. Box 50395, Billings, MT 59105 or you can email it to the newsletter editor at: tcfbillings.org. Please th have all information submitted by the 15 of Nov/Dec. Thank you for your continued support in the Billings TCF chapter. Treats: Joyce Terrel has signed up to bring treats to the November 11th meeting. If anyone else would like to bring treats in honor of your loved one, please feel free to do so. We appreciate your willingness to help! Look for TCF on Facebook! Please join us on Saturday, December 7th at noon for our annual Holiday Luncheon!! We’ve reserved a quaint little room at Rib & Chop to have lunch, relax and socialize. We ask everyone to please bring a small 10 exchange gift that to be traded. Everyone who joins will be entered into a drawing for a holiday gift certificate. Anyone may attend, but you are responsible for your own check. Hope to see you there! ( PHONE FRIENDS ( . If you are having that kind of day when you’d really like to talk to someone who cares, please give any of the people listed below a call. Their names are on the list for YOU! Arlene Priest Erin Koepp 252-3013 256-1569 21-year old son – Illness 16-mo. old daughter - Heart Defect Terri Haacke 855-9377 15-year old son – Suicide Lorie Haacke 855-3071 32-year old son – Special Needs Sibling loss – Suicide/Auto Accident Virginia O’Neill 652-0895 20-year old son – Auto Accident Joan Meyer Nye 322-8587 19-year old son – Suicide Joe Reierson 256-8174 23-year old son – Suicide Mary Mattheis 248-6825 44- year old daughter - Cancer 2019 Meeting Dates Monday, January 14, - 7:00 p.m. You survived the holidays Monday, February 11, - 7:00 p.m. Hearts full of love Monday, March 11, 7:00 p.m. “Mindful Meditation” Monday, April 8, - 7:00 p.m. Is it spring yet? Monday, May 13, - 7:00 p.m. Mother’s Day Monday, June 10, - 7:00 p.m. Father’s Day Monday, July 8, - 6:00 p.m. Annual Potluck Picnic & Balloon Launch **Rose Park** Monday, August 12, - 7:00 p.m. Back to School Blues Monday, September 9, - 7:00 p.m. TBA Monday, October 14, - 7:00 p.m. Guest Speaker: Cheryl Heser Monday, November 11, - 7:00 p.m. Upcoming Holidays Monday, December 9, - 6:00 p.m. Annual Memorial Service at American Lutheran Church All meetings are held at Billings Clinic, *Room E* in the Mary Alice Fortin Center next to the cafeteria, unless otherwise noted. For more information please call any of the numbers listed on this page. You need not walk alone; we are The Compassionate Friends. THE BILLINGS TCF STEERING COMMITTEE Chapter Co leaders Chapter Advisor Treasurer Newsletter Editor Co Newsletter Editor Activities Coordinator First Contact Librarian Outreach Men’s Support Erin Koepp Lorie Haacke Arlene Priest Erin Koepp Lorie Haacke 256-1569 855-3071 252-3013 256-1569 855-3071 Carol Keenan Carol Newman Peggy Mills Pat Mills 670-8850 930-2296 930-2296
Help Us Maintain Our Mailing List Please add this name to your mailing list Please remove my name from your mailing list My address has changed Parent’s name Phone Address City State Zip Child’s name Birth date Date of death I’d like to donate to the “Rose Park Sanctuary.” I’d like to give a “Love Gift.” I’m enclosing , in memory of If this is the first newsletter you have received, it is because someone who cares about you has asked us to send you a copy in hopes this may offer some comfort to you in your recent loss.
giggles & hugs and with no notice of the October chill. To Suzanne from Mommy Vickie Smith, TCF Bend, OR. November Again November again, almost winter. Muted world outside, faded red, misty yellow- Even the hardest wind seems kind enough, Because we know, we know that stormy blades lie waiting. November again, almost winter Gently the heart reaches
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