1 How To Win Friends And Influence People

1 How to Win Friends and Influence People By Dale Carnagie Executive Summary by Mike Carter PME-803 Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People was published first in 1936 and the principle’s that are described are still relevant in workplaces that involve relationship building with others. The book reminds readers that to be a leader you must empower those around you first. In depth examples comes from leaders such as Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin, and Lloyd George. These leaders all demonstrated that one could be authoritative without being cruel. The book repeatedly drives home the point that kindness, which is often mistaken for a weakness, in the workplace is actually a strength that empowers those around you and makes you the type of leader that anyone would want to work for. Carnegie also manages to reference personal experiences and references from plays and books such as Shakespeare to add refreshing detail to his principles. How to Win Friends and Influence Others Introduction .Pg. 1 Principle Overview . .Pg. 2 Principle Summary .Pgs. 3-6 Connections to Leadership Practice and Theory .Pg. 7 Crticial Reflection .Pg. 8 References Pg. 9

2 OVERVIEW Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. Part 3: challenge How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking Principle 1: The only way to get Principle 2: the best out of an argument is to avoid it. Give honest and sincere appreciation Principle 2: Show respect for the Principle 3: Arouse in the person an eager want Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You Principle 1: Become generally Principle 12: Throw down a other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong.” Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and empathetically. Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way Be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offence or Arousing Resentment Part 4: Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest opinion Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Principle 3: Talk about your mistakes before criticizing the other Get the other person person. saying “yes, yes” immediately. Ask questions instead interested in others Let the other person of giving direct orders. Smile do a great deal of the talking. Let the other person Remember that a Let the other person save face. person’s name is to that person the feel that the idea is his/hers. Praise the slightest sweetest and most important sound in Try honestly to see improvement and praise every any language things from the other person’s point of improvement. Be a good Listener. view. Give the other person Encourage others to talk about Be sympathetic with a good reputation to live up to. themselves. the other person’s needs and desires. Talk in terms of the Use encouragement, Appeal to the nobler make the fault seem easy to correct. other person’s interests. motives. Make the other Make the other Dramatize your ideas person happy about doing the thing you person feel important and do it sincerely suggest. Principle 2: Principle 3: Principle 5: Principle 6: Principle 7: Principal 8: Principle 4: Principle 9: Principle 5: Principle 6: Principle 10: Principle 11: Principle 4: Principle 5: Principle 6: Principle 7: Principle 8: Principle 9:

3 Principle Summary: Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People Principle 1: Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain: The author uses famous criminals as an example that no body, even the worst criminals, think they are bad, so condemning and criticizing is both redundant and ineffective. This principle also includes a short story called “Father Forgets” by W. Livingston Larned who reflects on how much he criticized his son during the day, and in the end his son ran over and kissed him good night. The story reminds us that when we focus our energy on condemning others, we forget to see the good in them. Principle 2: Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation: The author makes a comparison about food and appreciation. We crave both things, but sometimes we go for days without one of them and that is appreciation. Just like you wouldn’t let members of your family starve of food, you shouldn’t let them starve of genuine appreciation either. It is also important to offer sincere appreciation than flattery that tends to be fake. Principle 3: Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want: This principle is similar to servant leadership (Northouse, 2019) as it asks us to try to understand the goals of others and to help others to reach them. Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You Principle 1: Become Genuinely Interested in Others The author advises that one of the best ways to be likeable, is to be like one of the most liked animals out there-dogs. Dogs typically are excited to greet others, and we should be too if we want to be likeable. Showing interest in others can make them more interested in you. Principle 2: Smile The author suggests that a smile can make others feel better and brighten someone’s day. It can also be contagious and show that you have a passion for a topic. Principle 3: Remember that a Person’s Name is to that Person the Sweetest and Most Important Sound in Every Language

4 One of our unique qualities is our name. By using someone’s name in conversation you let them know they are important and they are values on an individual level. Principle 4: Be a Good Listener. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves The author suggests that to be a good conversationalist, one must be able to listen to others. Due to human nature, we tend to enjoy talking about ourselves. Allowing someone to do that can make you more likely to gain a friend or a favor from them. Principle 5: Talk in Terms of the Other Person’s Interests An example from Teddy Roosevelt is used as he would read up on every subject that his guests were interested in prior to having them over. The suggestion is to gain favour with others by discussing matters that are important to them. Principle 6: Make the Other Person Feel Important--and Do it Sincerely The author suggests to try and recognize what makes each person special, and try to show appreciation for their unique gifts. Borrowing from the “golden rule” from many religions, it is suggested to treat others in a way that you would like to be treated. Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking Principle 1: The Only Way To Get the Best Out of an Argument is to Avoid It There’s no way to “win” an argument, because even if you are right or others think you won it, you still hurt the other person’s pride. Principle 2: Show Respect for the Other Person’s Opinions Telling someone that they are wrong does not make someone want to agree with you, it makes them want to resist your way of thinking. Principle 3: If You Are Wrong, Admit It Quickly and Empathetically: Admitting that we are wrong is better because self-condemnation is better than condemnation coming from another person. The suggestion is to rebuke ourselves, so others don’t have to. Principle 4: Begin in a Friendly Way Before a disagreement, try to find some common ground that you do agree with the other person on. Principle 5: Get the Other Person Saying “Yes, Yes” Immediately Once someone has said no to something, it is much more difficult to get them to come around to affirmation. The author suggests that we use the “Socratic method” which involves asking a question first that gets a “yes” response.

5 Principle 6: Let the Other Person Do a Great Deal of the Talking The author speaks from his own experience, and suggests that if you are a teacher, you should let the students boast about their experiences and not just go on about your own. Principle 7: Let the Other Person Feel That the Idea is His or Hers It is better to suggest an idea, or plant the seed of an idea than to directly tell someone to buy or do something. Principle 8: Try Honestly To See Things From the Other Person’s Point of View Before asking someone to do something or buy something, you should consider, “Why should they” or “What is in it for them?” Principle 9: Be Sympathetic with the Other Person’s Needs and Desires The author suggests that we try to understand why the person acts in that way that they do, even if it is wrong. The author suggests preventing an argument with a saying like this, “If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do” (Carnegie, 1936). Principle 10: Appeal to Nobler Motives If you explain to others you trust them and consider them valuable in a situation, they will be more likely to do what you want. Instead of just yelling an order at someone, start off with “Because I know you want the best for our company ” Principle 11: Dramatize Your Ideas Be a good showman. Talk with interest and excitement when explaining an idea. It works in the movies and the real world to keep others engaged. Principle 12: Throw Down a Challenge The author suggested that the greatest motivator at work isn’t money or working conditions, but the challenge that was exciting and interesting. We love having the opportunity to prove our worth or demonstrating something that we excel at. Part 4: Be a Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment Principle 1: Begin with Appreciation If you do find fault in someone, begin with appreciation first before pointing out the faults.

6 Principle 2: Call Attention to People’s Mistakes Indirectly Never follow a praise statement with “but” as it cancels out the praise statement and puts the emphasis on the critical statement. Instead start a sentence with “You will be leaders if you do ”. Principle 3: Talk about your mistakes before criticizing the other person As a leader, if you are willing to use humility and let others know that you have made mistakes and corrected them, the other person will be more likely to admit his/her own mistakes and correct them as well. Principle 4: Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders Asking others to do something, or asking for their opinion is a lot more effective than giving orders that can be met with resistance. Also, asking questions may garner creative solutions. Principle 5: Let the Other Person Save Face Instead of using shame or embarrassing someone to get them to do things differently, we should try to suggest a solution that allows them to keep their dignity intact. Principle 6: Praise the Slightest Improvement and Praise Every Improvement Praise followers with specific and accurate reflection as it seems sincere. Principle 7: Give the Other Person a Good Reputation to Live up to Pretend that the other person already possesses the good qualities that you would like to see in them, and they will try to live up to that reputation. The principles outlined above and throughout the book focus on the other. By empowering others and supporting the growth of others, we become leaders who are emotionally intelligent, serve others, and can help others positively in times of change. These three aspects of leadership will be discussed in the next section.