THE LEADER ON THE COUCH - WordPress
THE LEADER ONTHE COUCH
TH E LE AD ER ONTH E COUC HA Clinical Approach toChanging Peopleand OrganizationsManfred F. R. Kets de Vries
Copyright 2006 John Wiley & Sons Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester,West Sussex PO19 8SQ, EnglandTelephone ( 44) 1243 779777Under the Jossey-Bass imprint, Jossey-Bass 989, Market Street, San Francisco CA 941031741 USAwww.jossey-bass.comEmail (for orders and customer service enquiries): cs-books@wiley.co.ukVisit our Home Page on www.wiley.comAll Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrievalsystem or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,recording, scanning or otherwise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs andPatents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing AgencyLtd, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London W1T 4LP, UK, without the permission inwriting of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher should be addressed to the PermissionsDepartment, John Wiley & Sons Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, WestSussex PO19 8SQ, England, or emailed to permreq@wiley.co.uk, or faxed to ( 44) 1243770620.Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed astrademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book are trade names, servicemarks, trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective owners. The Publisher is notassociated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard tothe subject matter covered. It is sold on the understanding that the Publisher is notengaged in rendering professional services. If professional advice or other expert assistanceis required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.Other Wiley Editorial Offi cesJohn Wiley & Sons Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, USAJossey-Bass, 989 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94103-1741, USAWiley-VCH Verlag GmbH, Boschstr. 12, D-69469 Weinheim, GermanyJohn Wiley & Sons Australia Ltd, 42 McDougall Street, Milton, Queensland 4064,AustraliaJohn Wiley & Sons (Asia) Pte Ltd, 2 Clementi Loop #02-01, Jin Xing Distripark,Singapore 129809John Wiley & Sons Canada Ltd, 22 Worcester Road, Etobicoke, Ontario, Canada M9W1L1Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appearsin print may not be available in electronic books.British Library Cataloguing in Publication DataA catalogue record for this book is available from the British LibraryISBN 13 978-0-470-03079-0 (HB)ISBN 10 0-470-03079-8 (HB)Typeset in 11.5/15pt Bembo by SNP Best-set Typesetter Ltd., Hong KongPrinted and bound in Great Britain by TJ International Ltd, Padstow, Cornwall, UKThis book is printed on acid-free paper responsibly manufactured from sustainable forestryin which at least two trees are planted for each one used for paper production.
To Alicia,A great bearer of transitional space
CONTENTSPREFACExiii1 Introduction: The Clinical ParadigmGiving the unconscious its dueTapping into psychoanalytic theories and techniquesPhilosophical underpinnings of the clinical paradigmThe inner theaterMotivational need systemsCore confl ictual relationship themesUsing the clinical paradigm to rewritedysfunctional scriptsReferencesPART ONE: ENTERING THE INNER THEATEROF LEADERS21369111315161721The Narcissistic Leader: Myth AndReality23Back to the futureTwo modern myths: healthy neglect and tough love2528vii
viiiCONTENTS345Narcissistic personality disordersAnother fine MessierLost in space: introducing the T-wordDownsizing the narcissistReferences3133424549A Parade of Personalities51A question of characterAssessing leaders and followersThe dramatic dispositionThe dramatic individual within the organizationThe controlling dispositionThe controlling individual within the organizationThe dependent dispositionThe dependent individual within the organizationThe self-defeating dispositionThe self-defeating individual within the s And Followers: Moving AwayFrom People83The detached dispositionThe detached individual within the organizationThe depressive dispositionDepressives within the organizationReferences84919498100Leaders And Followers: MovingAgainst People101The abrasive dispositionAbrasives within the organizationThe paranoid dispositionThe paranoid disposition within the organization103106110114
CONTENTS67The negativistic dispositionThe negativistic individual within the organizationThe antisocial dispositionAntisocials within the organizationPrototypes and beyondTable 5.1: An overview of the spectrum ofpersonalitiesReferences118123124127130Elation And Its Vicissitudes135The gift and curse of charismaThe sirens of hypomaniaSurviving the “maniac”References138142151155The Impostor Syndrome: The ShadowSide of Success157Being a fraud versus feeling fraudulentThe fear of successThe dread of not living up to expectationsInfecting the organizationA search for originsThe light at the end of the tunnelReferences160163166172175177184PART TWO: CHANGING MINDSETS8131132187Can Leaders Change? Yes, But Only IfThey Want To189Why ride a dead horse?Change and the triangle of mental life191193ix
xCONTENTS910Figure 8.1: Triangle of mental lifeHitting your head against the wallThe CEO “recycling” seminarLooking in on “the challenge of leadership”Theoretical underpinningsReferences193194196199203207Taking The Road Less Traveled211Owning your own lifeChallenge 1: preparing for the journeyCase studyCatalysts for changeChallenge 2: identifying the problemMajor themes for executivesThe triangle of confl ictFigure 9.1: Triangle of confl ictChallenge 3: unhooking “false connections”Figure 9.2: Triangle of relationshipsLinking the past with the presentChallenge 4: creating a holding environmentChallenge 5: actively working on the problemRestructuring the inner theaterKeeping on trackChallenge 6: consolidating the changeMaking the best of a poor hand of 4235239243244245247Coach Or Couch, Anybody?251Who are the clients?What is leadership coaching?Short-term psychotherapy versus leadership coachingThe coaching parade254256258262
CONTENTS11The fundamentals of coaching: why and howWhat makes for coaching success?The vicissitudes of leadership coachingReferences263265269273Group Leadership Coaching275A case in pointGetting startedGathering dataFigure 11.1: Sample personal graphFigure 11.2: Sample personality audit graphGroup leadership coaching dynamicsCreating high-EQ teamsFigure 11.3: Leadership group coachingMaking group leadership coaching work inexecutive teamsThe role of commitment and follow-upThe role of storytellingThe role of trustReferences277279280281283285291295PART THREE: UNDERSTANDING THEPSYCHODYNAMICS OF GROUPS ANDORGANIZATIONS12296296297298300303The Unconscious Life Of Groups AndOrganizations305Basic group assumptionsThe organizational idealNeurotic organizationsOrganizational archetypes311316322323xi
xiiCONTENTS1314Strengths of each stylePlacing leaders on the couchReferences325327328Unraveling The Mystery Of Organizations331Clinical organizational interventionsFocal areas of interventionThe prickly CEOThrough the looking glass: the Stratec collusionConsulting with the third earConnecting with a clinically informed consultantStaying in for the long haulEmulating Sherlock ion: Creating “Authentizotic”Organizations363Transcending the leadership crisisTrue self versus false selfAuthenticity: beyond the gulag organizationReferences368369375381INDEX383
PR EFAC EThere are . . . things which a man is afraid to tell even to himself,and every decent man has a number of such things stored away inhis mind.—Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from the UndergroundBecoming conscious is of course a sacrilege against nature; it is asthough you had robbed the unconscious of something.—Carl G. Jung“Know thyself?” If I knew myself, I’d run away.—Johann Wolfgang von GoetheMan stands in his own shadow and wonders why it’s dark.—Zen proverbThere’s a Zen story about a martial arts student who went to histeacher and said, “I have committed myself to master your martialsystem. How long will it take me to succeed?” The teacher’sresponse was, “Ten years.” Impatiently, the student countered,“But that’s far too slow. I want to succeed much sooner. I’ll workvery hard. I’ll dedicate myself to practicing however many hoursit takes each day. How long will mastery take when I make thatxiii
xivPR EFAC Ekind of effort?” The teacher thought for a moment, and thenreplied, “Twenty years.”Obviously, the teacher is trying to tell the student that he needsto learn patience before proceeding any further. He’s saying, Goslowly to go fast! Certain kinds of learning can’t be rushed; theyhave to be approached one step at a time. This is particularly trueof becoming more emotionally attuned. To acquire this kind ofknowledge, there are two secrets. The fi rst is to have patience; thesecond is to be patient! Acquiring higher emotional intelligence—that is, gaining a better understanding of the psychodynamics ofhuman behavior—is never instantaneous. Becoming more psychologically minded requires not only time, but also persistence.Patience and persistence can move mountains. They are the keysto becoming more emotionally astute.What differentiates the great companies of this world from themerely average ones is the level of emotional intelligence (EQ)among their employees. In our post-industrial knowledge-basedsociety, companies populated with high-EQ personnel have thebest shot at creativity and innovation. In such companies, statements like “People are our greatest asset” and “Our capital leavesthe workplace every evening” are more than empty slogans; theyare credos with real meaning. Executives who run such companiesvalue their people and see them as much more than interchangeable commodities. Realizing that considerable corporate knowledge and wisdom reside in the gray matter of their employees,they view the selection, development, and retention of talent as asource of competitive advantage, they consider leadership development a core competence, and they make a valiant effort to keeptheir employees motivated.I have devoted my working life to helping people create emotionally intelligent organizations. I have taken many differentroutes to make this dream a reality. As a management professor,consultant, leadership coach, psychotherapist, and psychoanalyst, Ihave had many corporate leaders “on the couch,” literally and
PR EFAC Efiguratively. My in-depth interactions with these executives havegiven me a rare glimpse into the inner world of leaders, revealingthe interplay of personality and environment and unveiling theprocess of personal and organizational change.In taking this road less traveled, I have noted a clear and compelling connection between the personal objectives of the organization’s power holders and the objectives of the organization itself.The intrapsychic themes of the CEO often dictate the structureor priorities of the organization. This linkage comes about becausewe are what we think. In other words, all that we are arises withour thoughts; with our thoughts, we make our world. Perceptioncarries so much weight that objectivity is nothing more thanmasked subjectivity. Thus many management theories that explainhow people make decisions in organizations are inadequate oversimplifications. In fact, the apparently rational explanations forcertain decisions often turn out to be fiction, rationalizations madeafter the fact to explain how intrapsychic themes were translatedinto external reality.In my role as a management consultant to executive boards, Ihave often been quite successful at creating high-performanceteams and high-performance organizations. When I began to workwith executive boards, however, I discovered that many executiveteams are what I call “unnatural acts.” Though they come togetherto make serious decisions affecting the future of the organizationand its people, they engage in ritualistic activities that center onpolitical gamesmanship and posturing rather than substance. The“barons” of the various business entities—the heads of marketingand new-product development, for example—are so busy defending their respective fiefdoms that true confl ict resolution doesn’toccur. Other, more intangible factors seem to take over as executives circle around “undiscussables.” While a six hundred poundgorilla sits on the table, smelling up the place, the senior executivegroup squanders an incredible amount of energy ignoring its presence. Far too often, it has to be “high noon” (or beyond) beforexv
xviPR EFAC Ecorporate leaders are prepared to deal with the real issues. In manyinstances, as an outside consultant, I have taken it upon myself tonudge an executive team to grapple with their own particularundiscussables. In taking on that role, I have come to understandthe meaning of the saying, “Fish start to smell from the head.”As in my consultant work, in my role as an educator I havegone to great lengths to create more emotionally intelligent students. I have made this effort not only in working with MBAs butalso in working with executives. The two transformational programs that I run at INSEAD, “The Challenge of Leadership:Creating Reflective Leaders” and “Consulting and Coaching forChange,” have been instrumental in accomplishing these goals.In particular, the top management program “The Challenge ofLeadership” has been a great human “laboratory,” encouraging andpromoting mindset change among participants.I have a dream as an educator dedicated to helping peopleengage in transformational journeys. This dream goes as follows:If I can increase the EQ level of the approximately twenty peoplewho usually are enrolled in this program at any one time, perhapsI can have a positive effect on the 100,000 or more people forwhom they are responsible. I would like to think that I can helpmake their organizations more effective and more humane. Toomany organizations possess “gulag” qualities that prevent thehuman spirit from self-actualizing.This book is a manifesto espousing my belief, and that of mycolleagues at the INSEAD Global Leadership Center, in high-EQorganizations. It is a natural sequence to a previous book of mine:The Leadership Mystique. The difference is that this new book, inintroducing the clinical approach to individual and organizationalintervention, is more conceptual. It takes a much deeper look atpersonality prototypes; it introduces a well-tried methodology tohelp executives change behavior patterns; it deals with leadershipcoaching; it concerns team building; and it explores system-widechange strategies in organizations.
PR EFAC ELike The Leadership Mystique, Leaders on the Couch is a manifestoin favor of organizations where people are authentic and feel trulyalive, where they understand what they’re doing and why, andwhat the consequences will be. It’s a manifesto arguing for morereflective, emotionally intelligent executives, and it offers valuabletools toward that end: for example, it gives executives a new lensthrough which to look at people and concepts—a lens that makesunusual behavior (in self and others) more understandable. Far toomany executives engage in “manic” behavior, running and doingall the time, forgetting why they go to work each day. Uncertainwhat they want, they’re nonetheless willing to kill themselves toget it. While it may be true that the really idle person doesn’t getanywhere, the perpetually busy person has the same problem. Myhope is that this book will be helpful to executives, consultants,and leadership coaches, teaching them to peel back the layers ofself-deception to reveal how inner personality—largely hard-wiredsince early childhood—affects the way we lead and manageothers.For many years I have been intrigued by Zen stories. Actually,acquiring emotional intelligence and becoming a Zen master arelearning processes that have many aspects in common. Both Zenand psychoanalysis are disciplines of attention, conferring on successful adherents a profound change in mindset. Both disciplinesaim for self-discovery, self-understanding, and the possession ofpeace with oneself. Psychoanalysis explores the unconscious meanings, desires, and feelings of individuals with the goal of makingthem feel more creative and alive. The purpose of Zen is to makepeople fully aware of life as it’s actually lived. Zen deals with thecapacity to awaken the mind and clarify consciousness. Just aspsychological insights can be attained by everyone who makes theeffort, Zen teaches that everyone can acquire the Buddha-nature;in other words, everyone has the potential to achieve spiritualenlightenment. Because of ignorance, however, most of us maketoo little use of this potential.xvii
xviiiPR EFAC EDisciples of Zen argue that people’s innate capacity to becomemore insightful about themselves and the world around them is bestawakened not just by the study of scriptures, the doing of gooddeeds, the practice of rites and ceremonies, and the worship ofimages, but also by a sudden breaking through of the boundaries ofcommon, everyday, logical thought. People have to learn how tocope with paradoxical situations to arrive at a new understanding.To quote Pablo Picasso, “Every act of creation is first of all an actof destruction.” Thus the paradoxical statements—the riddles, ifyou will—embedded in koans (Zen stories inaccessible to rationalunderstanding) help Zen disciples progress on the spiritual journeytoward enlightenment. Many disciples find the journey morerewarding when undertaken with the help of a master. This methodof assisted self-discovery is very similar to the dynamics of leadershipcoaching, psychoanalysis, or psychotherapy. In these methodologies,the psychoanalyst, psychotherapist, or leadership coach takes on therole of “master,” offering spiritual guidance. Like the quest forgreater EQ, the Zen form of enlightenment can’t be forced; rather,it’s a form of slow and silent illumination. And practitioners of Zenand psychoanalysis are never completely satisfied with the results oftheir approach. The journey is always indeterminate.Tapping into the parallels between the process of acquiringemotional intelligence and the journey toward spiritual enlightenment, I have chosen to begin each of the chapters of this bookwith a Zen story. Allow the paradox of each koan to help youdiscern the leadership message presented in each chapter. As youattempt to move toward increased self-awareness and emotionalintelligence, this book will serve as your “master.”Many of these chapters started as articles and working papersin which I explored the clinical orientation to organizationalanalysis. Many of the papers were fi rst presented to executivestaking the “Challenge of Leadership” seminar. This intensiveexecutive program has been a good testing ground for my ideas.Many of the papers had their origin in knotty, paradoxical
PR EFAC Equestions from executives to which I couldn’t give an immediateanswer—questions that haunted me until I arrived at what seemedlike plausible answers. These original papers have been reworkedand integrated to help the reader better understand the advantagesof using the clinical perspective for the purpose of organizationalsense-making.The main theme of this book, weaving through all the pages,is changing people and organizations. The text starts with anintroduction describing the clinical approach to organizationalanalysis. The body of the book then follows, divided into threeparts.Part One (“Entering the Inner Theater of Leaders”) describesvarious personality prototypes that can be found in the workplaceand focuses on personality functioning and its consequences inorganizational li
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